Yes or no

Chapter 49 The Middle Past 48

After four years, who would have thought that it would be life and death.Life is farewell, death is farewell.Live, leave, die, leave.

While the flight was delayed and waiting in the terminal, An Nannan still couldn't help feeling that all this was just a big lie, a lie that An Ning forced herself to change her mind.How could An Ning, who was indifferent to everything, choose such a path? Yes or no, right or wrong, black or white, there is obviously no such multiple-choice question in life, but she abruptly made such an answer.

"What a fool!"

It was not until seeing the cold tombstones erected in the barren mountains that An Nannan's heart finally fell to the ground.Looking at the serious word "An Ning" above, An Nannan couldn't help laughing out loud.The tombstone was dark and shiny, and could clearly reflect An Nannan's funny face. When she saw her own face, An Nannan couldn't help crying again.

There are two sparse rows of trees on both sides of the path up the mountain, no taller than a person, and when the wind blows, they immediately whine.The sky was gloomy, the clouds were dark, and the huge cemetery was eerily quiet.Unexpectedly, An Nannan was not afraid, maybe it was because she was right in front of her.Even if Yin and Yang are separated, she will still make people feel at ease.

"Don't be afraid, I'm here!"

An Ning always said this before, because An Nannan was timid and afraid of everything, the shadow of trees, flying insects, and paper clumped on the table, especially when she was around An Ning.An Ning has always been like a tree beside her, deep and speechless, giving timely care and care.Her love was also silent, so much so that An Nannan had been with her day and night for more than three years before he discovered her deeply hidden thoughts.

In fact, there are so many details in the past where we can get a glimpse of the truth, but we were able to turn a blind eye.She had hinted so many times, but at that time it was just that she had followed Liu Huaiyu's example.

It has been raining this summer, endlessly.

Do you hate me? Even if you don't, I hate it too.Ah Ning, my grandma often told me that to be a human being, you must be considerate in doing things. If you are not careful, you will lose your chance...A Ning, the only thing I regret is that I didn't make a decision earlier... Hehe, I Getting married is not done in a fit of pique, of course it was when we first met, but it doesn't matter if I feel tired later.They all said that we are very suitable, especially with the joy of our parents.You said, when I was in school, I tried every means to go against their wishes and go against them. I felt so comfortable at that time, but now I feel really stupid. My own thoughts, pretending to be confused, I dare not... How ridiculous, Aning, I feel that I am more and more like them now... Aning, what would happen if we really escaped together? Like you said Yes, we will go to the grassland to raise a large flock of sheep, and live in the wild where we can see the stars every day. If there are bugs, you will drive them away...

Yes, I'm getting married, and I will have a baby in the future, named An Ning, okay? Yang An Ning, hehe, you know I like children, don't you? You don't even like cats and dogs, are you angry? ··You know that I almost never regret it, because it feels meaningless, and it is better to find a way to remedy it when I have time to regret it.But now, really, there is not a day without regrets.An Ning, it's all your fault, it's all your fault for me, didn't you say you would be responsible? Didn't you always do what you said? Now it's good, you have hidden Qing Jing, and nothing has anything to do with you.You must be having fun now, I know it is! You are the worst, An Ning, you are the worst!

Do you know what I regret the most? Regret that I said the first sentence to you and got involved with you.I would rather not have your care and protection for those four years, I just want you to live well.No need to contact, as long as I occasionally see you talking in the group, and hear them talk about your recent status, how good it is.It is often worth seeing in the ordinary, so it is always a steady stream.You say how stupid you are.

Liu Huaiyu is right, I have been delaying you, haven't I?

You are such a nuisance.Why do you want me to know? It's good to live in peace.

Ah Ning, maybe one day I will forget about you, that would be fine.Yes or no

I had prepared all kinds of excuses before, but when I got to her tombstone, I couldn't open my mouth.An Nannan just let out a long sigh, and said in a low voice, "You deserve it!" as if blaming An Ning, with the same tone as before.An Nannan seemed to be aware of this, and sighed again.

There was no response. If it was normal, An Nannan could not stop sighing, and An Ning's fingers would have poked An Nannan's face, deliberately like teasing a cat.At this moment, there is only the hiss of the wind blowing over the tombstone, mournful and unwilling.When the wind reaches a distance, it squeezes through the gaps in the branches and makes a whining sound, like a woman's mournful cry.It must not be An Ning's cry, that silly girl didn't make any sound when she cried.stupid.

An Nannan sighed again.well···

It was getting darker.The black and white photos on the stele made An Nannan feel very strange. An Ning had always been a bit gloomy, but when she smiled, she could see her sincerity.The woman in the photo laughed bluntly, which seemed a bit mocking to An Nannan.Maybe what is buried here is not An Ning at all, her An Ning is just tired of catering to hiding, so she found her own pasture and herd of sheep, hid from these humble and worldly mortals, and lived in anonymity.In spring, when the river bed is bare, she will lie on smooth stones without edges and corners, and her flock of sheep will be under the clear blue sky, and the newborn lambs are bleating... An Nannan seems to be Seeing the tranquility of being a shepherd, I feel comfortable and calm, not in a hurry or afraid.

Alas, things are different.

An Nannan suddenly remembered what An Ning had written on her blog. It was the Qixi Festival of the second year of graduation. An Nannan was preparing to go abroad. She was extremely busy with work, and it was the first time An Ning had visited the grassland.

The big river in spring has no water

Find a beautiful girl, lie on the edge of the river full of stones and fall in love

blue sky and white clouds

My sheep are grazing on the grass that just popped

Gotta find a girl in a green dress

She will never dislike me as a sheep herder

After August, the river is full of water

I and the girl in the green dress I love had to break up

My sheep have had enough of wildflowers, and my mother-in-law

This month they just stand

For girls, I'm like a sheep

Speaking of ideals, sheep are like me

An Nannan didn't expect that she could fully remember those contents. At that time, she just wondered if An Ning really found a girl in a green skirt.

The thunder was rumbling and rumbling, as if it was not difficult.The steps down the mountain were fast, as if fleeing.It is going to rain.An Nannan's An Ning likes rainy days the most, to be exact, she used to like it the most.I prefer to see panicked people hiding from the rain when it rains, even if I am also in the rain.

Finally saw An Yan, in the lobby of the hotel.Unlike his sister, there was no gloom on his face, and there was a smile in his eyes and mouth.He looks better than his sister and is more delicate.The edges and corners are soft, and the eyes are even more gentle.The shape of his face, even the curvature of his lips, and his tall stature, he really resembles An Ning.It just seems that An Yan is much more cheerful than An Ning, and in fact he is.Maybe the two of them should have been born with the wrong sex.

An Nannan unconsciously fell into a trance, why wasn't she the one sitting across from her with a smile in her eyes?

"I'm one of the few normal people in my family, hehe, the only normal person. My mother has always been secretive about my father's whereabouts, An Ning, you know!" Looking at An Nannan's red and swollen eyes, An Yan really From the bottom of my heart, I felt that she was also quite pitiful, so I comforted her, "For her, this is a relief. She has had a terrible life. Don't blame yourself, and don't be too sad..."

An Nannan didn't know what to say.

"An Ning has always been serious about things." An Yan blew out smoke rings, they floated away and then dispersed, "She had received treatment for more than a year at that time, and she recovered quickly and was in good condition. She thought she was fine. Yes. Thinking about it, too, how could it be so easy to recover. My mother was so happy to send her to school and not have to see a doctor every day, so An Ning chose a place far away from home, and went home twice a year... probably because of it hiding..."

He took a bag out of his bag, a small jewelry box.

"I guess this is for you. She polished it herself, and her hands were cut several times by knives. As far as her handicraft skills are concerned, it is probably because of this that she didn't dare to give it to you..." An Yan pushed the jewelry box to the table Going up, took a sip of water, "Sister, you are almost the same as I imagined... You don't know, An Ning will mention you from time to time, and avoid topics related to you. When she found out that you were engaged, she was in a daze for a while , was inexplicably angry, and I could feel her anger through the computer screen... I thought you were together, but later I found out that it was her unrequited love... She seems to do this all the time! Oh, not always , just twice."

An Nannan probably knew about that first lovesickness. Her first love was the monitor of the junior high school or someone who wrote a confession letter but was humiliated.When An Ning told that story, it was calm and calm, and it felt like she didn't care anymore.

Opening the box, An Nannan's heart, which had finally calmed down a little, was shaken again, and tears fell on the table, unable to hold back.An Yan sighed, stretched out his hand to pat her on the shoulder, and comforted her softly, "It's okay, it's okay."

A warm and solid Bodhi root seed was polished and carved into the shape of a dice, the points are holes, crooked, asymmetrical, and disharmonious, as if it came from her hands.Her hands are slender, but only seemingly dexterous.Can lift heavy objects but can't do fine work.Dice tightly wrapped a red bean like a drop of blood in its body, as if it couldn't bear to let go.Seven red beans are strung together on both sides, close to each other.

Linglong dice puts red beans on the bones and knows nothing.

The first time I heard An Ning read this poem was during the summer vacation when I was in college, and it was also the night of Qixi Festival.At that time Liu Huaiyu still saw that the world was pestering An Ning, so he couldn't tell if he was jealous or jealous, so An Nannan deliberately pestered An Ning on the phone all day, so as not to leave any gaps for Liu Huaiyu.The first quarter of the moon, a few clouds want to cover it but are ashamed.An Nannan looked up to find the first quarter moon that An Ning said, the dark clouds in the sky, and the bright lights on the ground.She and her were clearly facing the same sky, but An Nannan couldn't see the scenery in her eyes.

A foot of crimson beats Quchen, and the old is not as good as the new.

Albizia peach kernels are finally hateful, and there is no one in Xu Yuanlai.

Light up the lights at the bottom of the well to make a deep candle, and go together for a long time.

Linglong dice puts red beans on the bones and knows nothing.

An Ning recited the poem quietly, and at the end, she asked with a smile, "Do you understand what this penetrating lovesickness feels like?"

An Nannan has seen countless scenes of lovesickness in the Korean dramas and movies. They are similar with minor differences. They are all in the mind of the protagonist. Whether it is a cat or a dog, what he sees in his eyes is the face of the person in his heart.Modern technology has taken some effort to visualize missing, which is of course considered a pioneering work in the history of technological development. From another perspective, meeting too easily makes missing seem like a distant story.In the past, letters were used to express love, and every minute and every second of waiting was lovesickness.Nowadays, when waiting, they always complain, "Why so slow!" An Nannan never lovesick in her life, she didn't hurt lovesickness, so naturally she doesn't know what lovesickness feels like.

"What about you?" An Nannan asked back.

"Well," she was silent for a while, "According to Liu Huaiyu, everyone looks like you, but everyone is not as good as you. Does this count?"

"Show affection? Do you show affection in front of me on Qixi Festival?"

"No, we're not a couple. It's just that what he said made sense."

"cut···"

An Nannan's first thought was that Liu Huaiyu was really haunted.Thinking about it now, An Ning's words certainly meant something else.Thinking back carefully, during the four years we were together, she would pick some days to say something different, but at the beginning, I just felt it was normal.

"She's afraid of disturbing you, and even more afraid of making you sad..." An Yan explained.

Now that it's over like this, should we blame God's good fortune for tricking people?no no.I can never blame good fortune, fate, or God. I can only blame myself for hesitating when I should take a step forward, or even take a step back secretly.A difference of one step is a thousand miles away.

So it deserves it.

She and her were girls who belonged to two worlds.One grew up carefree and followed the rules in the sunshine, while the other fumbled forward in the shadows.Then they met, and they should have said hello to each other or just turned a blind eye, but she was curious and asked after her, wouldn't there be mold in places without light?She was so hooked that she stepped into her light, and could never step back.From then on she walked ahead, she chased her light, until one day her silence erected a barrier between them.Up to now, a stone tablet separated two people from Yin and Yang.

Who is to blame, really no one can blame.

"If we can communicate well, it won't be a dead end. She has been wrestling with herself and being awkward with others... They all say that An Ning's temperament is like An Shaolin, and in my opinion, she is more like my mother. There is something, no matter how big it is, I don’t talk about it. If I want to, I don’t want to say it.” An Yan shook his head, his eyes were also red.An Ning is the one who has always been by his side to take care of him, from childhood to adulthood.

"I can understand that you reject her. It's normal. An Ning herself knows it well. The reason why she doesn't want to chase you begging for nothing may be because she feels that she is not worthy. A bunch of shit, she doesn't like herself at all. It's true that she likes you. You don't even know that you can't see her smile when you are at home. When she is with you, she probably feels that she is It's also pretty good, hey, who knows?" An Yan lit another cigarette, "It's all her choice, so no one can complain. My mother has always said this sentence since An Ning left."

An Nannan thought about her parents, they are the most kind and friendly people in the world, they are also polite to beggars, scavengers and tramps, but they are also the most hard-hearted, they can't tolerate a grain of sand.But, is it really only their hard-heartedness to blame? Anything and everything in this world has a limit or a price.What you gain is bound to lose something.There is no reason to speak, or in other words, this is the real fairness.An Nannan got a recognized perfect family environment, so she had to endure the strict rules of the perfect parents.

"Is there any news about your father? I remember that Aning had always wanted to find him."

"My mother said he died a long time ago. Before I went to school, I committed suicide."

An Yan has been away for a long time, but An Nannan is still unable to move.Putting the bracelet on my wrist with difficulty, it feels like being led by her, just like when I was in school at that time.

"Let's live the rest of the day together!"

Four years have passed since the last time we met.During these four years, An Nannan often felt that she had already forgotten her. Their distant past was more like An Nannan's imagination alone, like a ridiculous dream.Now, I have woken up from a four-year dream, but there are still another four years, the next eight years...

Children are born one by one, how many years will not be far away.

The author has something to say:

There will be no change tomorrow, and the three chapters will end directly the day after tomorrow.