sinovels Chapter 49 Betrayal
Chapter 49 Betrayal
When I woke up, my eyes were dim and I couldn’t see clearly. I touched my body and found that the bones were not broken, but the pain was so bad that I couldn’t turn on the light, so I could only lie there in a daze; Through the light of Xi, it is clear that there is still a Valentin lying beside the bed.As usual, he slept peacefully, huddled in a corner of the bed, half of his body was about to fall off.
I wanted to pull him into sleep, but after a slight movement, he turned over completely, closed his eyes, and mumbled Ivan.I don’t know how long ago he came back last night, I got into the house, I was surrounded by him limply, suddenly fell into confusion, because I didn’t know what to do, every time he was present, I was always trying to play a certain role, infatuated Crazy, insane, and contradictory, he may not even realize how much he actually loves these qualities. He looks like he wants to live a stable life, but he is still the young man who is passionate about gopnik in his bones.I guess it's not about what he looks like to me, it's about who I am in his presence; Ivan isn't even my real name.
I lived with him too quickly, rarely had time alone, and there were traces of him everywhere in my life. He called me by my name the most times, so that the identity of "Ivan" has been closely connected with him, and I am separated from the past. It's been too long, and I don't know how to get back to Jiang Qiwan.The rupture of my relationship with Valentin also led to the rupture of self-identity. This rupture requires forced separation, so now I am a wandering soul stripped of my body, at a loss and need to adapt to everything.
I often wonder, to what extent is it considered to betray a person?If I don't care anymore, can it still hurt me when I don't expect it?But is there a gradient in the betrayal of the body, consciousness, sexual desire, and lust?On the other hand, is the value of judgment the same for me?If so, how can I judge others with myself?
This is an extremely difficult problem to understand, so under normal circumstances, people often wave their hands and don't bother to think about it. They only list the betrayal of the body as the lowest and the clearest bottom line that cannot be violated.The advantage of this is to make a quick decision, throw the mess of emotions out of your mind, and stop thinking about it, and your memory will become blurred after a long time; it's just that some people have been cowardly and evaded for a lifetime, but they only focus on this one and only time. Determined, mistakenly thought to fight for love once, so I have to take out the courage of my life to fight, even use the courage to survive, and naturally don't know how to live after it is exhausted.
Many times this kind of question is more obvious: is passion more likely to appear, or is love more likely to appear?If, as everyone says, love needs to be artificially cultivated and needs to be spent, then at this level, is the unpredicted and unpredictable passion more precious?The latter is just like Valentin to me, and Valentin is to Yulia, which makes me embarrassed-should it be worth cultivating love with him?Is such love meaningful?
Just as he was lost in thought, Valentin fell off the bed with a bang, and with two groans, he slowly got up and looked back at me dimly.
"Are you awake?" He scratched the back of his head with a painful expression. He must have drank too much yesterday, and now he has a migraine.I stare at him, trying drowsily to show him where the ibuprofen is, but my hand goes up and down.I think I've been beaten up like this. I haven't taken two painkillers yet, but I still remember that he got a migraine from drinking, and he felt nauseous for no reason, feeling cheap and disgusting.
He didn't ask where I was, or why I was covered in injuries, I just leaned against the head of the bed with one foot on my side, as if nothing had happened, and he did the same when the sky fell.He also held a sports magazine to read, and the margins were curled up, which made me extremely irritable, so I turned around and pulled the wound, the wind seemed to blow the hairs on my heart, and I was so anxious that I wanted to scream.I suddenly realized that this irritability was not due to the magazine, the wind, or the pain in the flesh—it was the result of being in the same room with him, the result of being forced to share a square meter of air, and the air was stuck together. Only patience.
"Will you drink water?" With the sound of pages turning, he looked up at the clock.
"Valentin," I buried half of my face in the pillow and opened my eyes, "let's break up."
"What?" The paper was half-turned, and his fingers froze in the air, this time in a tone of undisguised surprise.
"I agree." I was so tired that I couldn't lift my eyelids, "I can move out tomorrow at the earliest, and I have to trouble you to carry the luggage for me."
"You... No, no need..." He stuttered very rarely, he was completely at a loss for what to do, he stuttered for a long time, and only uttered the sentence "Don't be so anxious."
"You're not in a hurry, I'm in a hurry." I half-closed my eyes, "You don't need to move anything, the dormitory has furniture, just pack some clothes. You don't have to move out when the rent is paid and the contract is over."
It was evening when I left the next day. Valentin drove a pickup truck from the garage and finished moving the luggage upstairs and downstairs without saying a word, without asking me to lift a finger.Before I left, I looked back at the sixth floor. The balcony of our house was bare, and the flowers and plants planted by the neighbor had reached our house.I vaguely remember that there was a couple living next to me. I used to hear them arguing with Valentin when we were watching the sunset on the balcony, but the quarrel stopped after a while. At that time, I was thinking that this couple would not last long. All the flowers bloomed in the next room, but the next room is no longer my home.
The dormitory I begged Brother Jun to leave me is still there, but the roommate in one room has changed to someone else. He is a teenager. He probably came to university before graduating from high school in China. He wears glasses and is honest.The room was so small that neither of them could move their bodies, let alone a third person. The kid was startled by the big Valentin, and sat on the head of his own bed without talking or looking up. I turned to face the busy person. Valentin said: "You go back."
He frowned: "The things haven't been moved yet."
"You put it at the mother of the building, and I will move it later." After I finished, I added, "No outsiders are allowed to stay here."
For the first time I saw on Valentin's face a mixture of embarrassment and panic. The panic was so inexplicable that I couldn't understand it, I didn't want to think about it again, and I no longer wanted to have anything to do with it.He didn't say any more, and stepped back to close the door. After a few minutes, I heard the sound of the engine starting downstairs, and then the sound became more and more distant, and disappeared in the rustling of the winter wind; I betrayed me Own.
This was also the last time I saw Valentin.