When I woke up, I was beaten to death by a stranger

Chapter 48

I watched Valentin's car drive out of the gate, and wanted to take out another cigarette. The cigarette case happened to be empty. I looked up and saw the Christmas tree not far away from the shopping mall that hadn't had time to remove it. The first time I saw Valentin was also in At this time last year, near the New Year's holiday, in a shabby car repair shop, in front of a group of middle-aged and middle-aged men, he asked me what my name was.I was surprised to find that there was little time for thinking in the past year, and every day was full of emotions, passively driven forward by time, but in a year, there have been several rounds of sorrow and joy. If I were Living for the moment, this year probably has the moment that I have been pursuing for half my life.I often think that if I leave Valentin, I will still return to the previous order, rationally and calmly consumed by life day by day, and become a monk, neither working for pain nor for love.

When I was about to walk to the place selling cigarettes, Chao Jinhan suddenly wanted to make a video call with me. I took off a glove, and my fingers were stiffened by the wind, and it was difficult to press to connect: "Hello?"

His big face was dangling and noisy. It took him a long time to face the camera, and he was immediately taken aback: "I haven't seen you for a few days, why do you look like a beggar? Valentin finally Can't stand you not shaving and kicked you out?"

I sniffed and wanted to joke with him, but my voice was very hoarse. When he heard it, he straightened his face and asked me what happened.This question made my nose sore, and I couldn't stop crying, with tears on my fingers, so stiff that I couldn't hold the phone.I was extremely embarrassed. After all these days, I thought I was numb as a rock, but I still had to stand in the snow dozens of degrees below zero and cry after being mentioned. The tears I shed in the past two months were too much, enough to It makes people go from sympathy to boredom, and even I feel a deep disgust.Chao Jinhan on the other end didn't say anything, just looked at me very quietly, as if the screen was stuck.

Hello?Hello?Your signal is bad?I grabbed the phone and yelled twice, and was about to hang up when Chao Jinhan suddenly said, Old Jiang, he is not good to you.

These words silenced me like a slap in the face. After that incident happened, I went uncharacteristically and didn’t tell anyone. Chao Jinhan should know nothing. I often consciously mentioned it in a showy manner, but at this moment, he said such words straight to the point, which almost stunned me.

You, why do you say that?I stammered and asked.The reason is nothing more than that I have shown too much affection, believing that giving will always be rewarded, and taking it for granted that the same is true for love, so I began to be a little confused, who owed whom?Who should be blamed?

After I couldn’t figure out all this, my thoughts often contradicted myself. The first 2 minutes were so painful that I wanted to skin him and drink blood, and the next 2 minutes I missed him and cried. , smell him.

Sitting on a chair and having a long talk with Chao Jinhan, I felt pulled back to the ground for a while, and he suggested that I simply go back to China and take a leave of absence for a year, saying that I can’t continue to study in this mental state, and I can save it GPA.I said I would think about it, mainly because I couldn't explain it to my mother.Talking and talking, the time seems to be back to two years ago. The only worrying things are studies and future. Cleared up.

I sniffled and said, you're right.I don't want to stay with him for a moment now, I'll buy a plane ticket and come back tomorrow, it's overdue.

Chao Jinhan was silent for two seconds, and said, no, I don't think you understand...how can you leave...forget it, you are not clear-headed and can't make a decision, you should talk to him about this first. After you settle your account, make plans for yourself!

I didn't fully understand what he said, and after the phone call, I just felt courage again, and I clearly knew that I needed help to get out of this situation.

——I can’t ask him to love me. In the past, I always thought it was because he didn’t want to, so I resented him and hated him. But now I gradually understand that the love I want will never fall on me. It’s not because, If he really cared for me with all his heart, I would never have such a strong emotion that I falsely call "love".To put it bluntly, for everyone, gratitude is not a continuous state, or even a deep emotion, because no matter who it is, it will always try to explain its cause and its motivation, as if once you are grateful, you can make the other person feel happy. Even if you take it for fun, it's like polishing with sandpaper until you lose your shape.

I broke the ice after doing it once last time, and after that, I pressed him against the head of the bed to do it a few times in some nights when I woke up.I used to love to have him ride up, or carry it on my back, but those few times I had to face his face, and I wanted him to put his arms around me after the work, only when I felt his hot, sweaty, sticky skin , I can clearly distinguish between dreams and reality.Later, I gradually realized that I just wanted to hug him, to have the most basic, lowest, and most satisfying skin-to-skin contact with him.I think if I had only asked for this from the beginning, I would never have ended up like this.

When it was already dark, I walked around and walked home.The light in the corridor of the apartment was broken, so I could only walk slowly while leaning on the wall. After passing through a few doors, there was a little faint light, which came from the crack of a certain door. I didn't realize until I got closer. That's my home.

As soon as I entered the door, I smelled the pungent smell of leaves, and a few wisps of white smoke floated in the air.There were several pairs of shoes scattered at the door, one of which was a woman's high-heeled shoe, which blocked the door and could not be closed. I bent down to pick it up, a little at a loss, and I didn't know where to put it alone.I walked into the living room, there were several bottles of wine on the dining table, most of them were empty, there was a small square box with leaves next to it, not much left, and a few small plastic bags.

I closed the door, and there was a noise, and Valentin heard it, and shouted from inside: "Ivan! Ivan!"

Totally drunken voice.I walked to the door frame and stopped. I pushed the door lightly with my fingertips and it opened. The leaf smoke was heavy and choking. I turned my head and saw Valentin brought two girls home. One of them was a familiar girl. Julia, with his head on her lap.Not only did they fly off the leaves, they probably also felt a little sour. They fell on the bed and danced. When he saw me, he tried to get up from Yulia's lap, laughed and shouted: "... Ivan, Ivan! You are back You come in, you come in. Where are you going? . . . You're not going to open up? Two chicks here, just as you haven't fucked, have you? You two - take care of my little Ivan! - you Where are you going? Why don't you speak?"

"Ivan! Ivan!" Yulia sat up and laughed loudly, "Is that Ivan in Oresa you?"

"What? What Olesa?" Valentin bowed his head for two seconds and asked repeatedly, "Which Olesa's Ivan?"

"...Olesa! Our sisters there! She has an Ivan; always loves Ivan long and short," she cried, giggling, "she's in love with an Ivan!"

"You whores, you just like to have sex with clients." He struggled to understand, shook his head and smiled, then stretched out his hand to break Yulia's chin, pointed at me and said loudly, "Go back and tell me Olesa, this is my little Ivan, do you see clearly?"

Yulia was pinched so painfully by him, but he didn't intend to let go. I knew how strong he was, and I'm afraid he didn't know the severity of the knock on something now; I saw Yulia started to struggle, and couldn't help but say: " You let her go."

And he continued to rub her chin as if he hadn't heard at all; Yulia started to cry, and I sternly said:

"—Valentin!"

He barely raised his head, looked at me vaguely, and said vaguely, "Are you willing to talk and talk to me?" Slowly let go of Yulia, with his hands hanging by his legs, looking at a loss.

Yulia was lying on one side with her chin in her arms, her legs were dangling on Valentin's body, another girl reached out and rubbed his crotch, her arms were pale and young; I buried myself in the coat I had just taken off. up, glanced at him, and he was looking at me intently, quieted by the roar just now.I sighed and said in a low voice, "I'm willing to let you go."

Then he stepped out, and the door clicked softly behind him.

After going downstairs, I didn't look back at the window on the sixth floor. I just kept walking along the road. I didn't expect that place to be so far away. It usually takes only a few minutes to drive to the corner of the street. At this time, my shoes were soaked in snow, and I felt cold. From toe to heel, when I went with Andre last summer, it was still a cool night.It was more than half an hour when I finally got there, maybe because of the cold weather, the business in that place was not as good as last time I saw it, there were scattered people in the booths, but there were always so many people at the bar Among them was a man who noticed the bell ringing at the door and turned his head and shook his glass at me.

I was very disturbed, so I walked straight towards the man, sat down next to him, and ordered two glasses of tequila to the bartender.The man was surprised and turned to look at me, so I turned around to let him look at me.He is not ugly, with a fit body, thick thighs, and two plump arms, but he looks not young, and his eyeliner is sunken in the crow's feet and smudged.

When the wine came, I handed him a glass, then put a slice of lemon in my mouth and drank it down. He didn't drink it, thinking it was funny, and asked my name.I took his cup and drank it up again. When I put it down, my throat felt dry and I said my name was Ivan.

The man laughed cleanly like a little boy, which surprised me, and I laughed along with him unconsciously.

And you?I said, what's your name?

My name is Ivan too.He beckoned for another glass of wine. At this time, there were more people in the bar, and the seats at the bar counter were full. Ivan asked, what's the matter, are you in a bad mood?Had an argument with your wife?

At that time, I was already a bit high, and I laughed when I heard this, and said teasingly, I have come here, what kind of wife can I have?

After hearing this, he raised his eyebrows, clasped his hands together, and said, that's not necessarily true, there are quite a few wives who come here.

I said, hey, yes.But I am not.Thinking that he was not young, he asked casually, do you have a wife?

He hid his hand mysteriously, I immediately laughed and scolded him, bad guy!

After a few shots, the atmosphere became more and more relaxed. Ivan had already put his hand on my crotch. My guy was half-hard at this moment, so I leaned into his ear and said, "Go to the bathroom?"

So the two of us got off the bar and went into the bathroom one after the other.He kisses very impatiently, but his eyes are still cute when he smiles. After a while, he unbuttoned his pants and pushed my head down. I took out his dick and thought while licking his moaning sound. In fact, Valentin It can't do anything to me, it's not that I can't leave him, it's just that I can't stand that sudden torture.

Gradually, I heard footsteps outside the door and tried to stand up. Ivan grabbed my hair and poked me a few times. Before I could react, he suddenly pressed me to the ground. At the same time, someone broke into the door. I knocked hard a few times, and shouted angrily: "You got stabbed by the dick, go to hell!" As soon as the words fell, I was punched and kicked. They dragged me out of the cubicle and took my head off. He bumped into the mirror, turned over again, and punched hard.I was so drunk that I didn't even have the energy to fight back, or run, and just let them spit on me and get punched, like a dozen people, but then they told me it was only three.In a trance, I thought of a long time ago, long before I fell in love with Valentin, he warned me not to come to the bar here, he said that accidents often happened here, and people were often carried out covered in blood.At this moment, I thought, isn't this person me?

Later, the owner of the bar probably found out and drove the group of people away with sticks. Seeing that I was still conscious and could barely stand up, he also kicked me out of the door.I was dizzy from sitting, so I had to lie down on the concrete floor. The ground was rough, and my face hurt from scratching. My eyes followed the pedestrians' feet and circled back and forth.I think my ribs should be broken, I can't breathe with hissing, and the unmelted snow on the ground has soaked my clothes. I think if I lie here all night, I will definitely freeze to death, and even in Moscow Frozen to death on the street, no one will come to ask a word.But before I finished thinking, a pair of feet in high heels stopped in front of me, and at the same time there was a cry of surprise:

"Little Ivan!"

Olesa knelt down and helped me up against the electric pole, and asked, "What are you doing here?" Seeing that I couldn't speak, she touched my wound, "Did you get into a fight?"

She didn't need me to speak, she already said it on her own: "You say you are like a little chicken, what are you arguing with those big men, they can't say you can't, so they have to do it. Face is more important to them than anything else. Important!" After looking around, she said, "You just sit in the snow like this? Where's your boyfriend?"

I spit out a mouthful of blood foam, and laughed intermittently and said, "Usually, if you usually tease you, you will believe it. That's not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend."

She squatted there watching me for a while, then suddenly started to rummage through her bag, stood up abruptly and rushed to the street, a taxi screeched to a stop in front of her.Olesa and the driver carried me into the car with her high heels, then handed me a few banknotes and said, "Do you remember where you live?"

I didn't want her money, and I struggled to give it back to her. She slammed the car door, waved her hand and said, "I was beaten so badly, I don't want to take it home. Go back to your own house. Get out, get out!" "

The driver was afraid that I would vomit in the car, so he quickly moved me down as soon as I arrived. I sat at the door of the unit for a long time, leaned on the wall and felt the darkness, and finally arrived at the door of the house. I found that the key and the wallet had long since disappeared. A crumpled bill from Oresa.I knocked and knocked on the door, but no one came to open it. There was no light in the crack of the door. They either fell asleep or went out again.Before I lost consciousness, I thought that it would be good to die here, at least better than freezing to death on the street.