messed up

Chapter 17

After eating together at noon, Xu Baiyu sat in Yu Jing's car and looked at the person sitting beside him: "Are you going to the hospital?"

"Yes." Yu Jing nodded, and smiled at Xu Baiyu: "It's just on the way to take you back."

Xu Baiyu yawned: he got up too early in the morning, and he was really sleepy right now.Just when he was drowsy, Yu Jing's few words drove away all his drowsiness: "Xiao Xu, do you want to come to my house next time?"

"Ah?" Xu Baiyu was a little confused at this moment, his thoughts were not very clear, Yu Jing's words were all scattered words to him.He stared at the other party blankly, only feeling that his brain and tongue were a little out of control.

Yu Jing thought he didn't hear clearly, so she raised her voice a little and repeated: "I said, do you want to come to my house? I have some special dishes that I can cook for you."

This time Xu Baiyu finally came to his senses, but he was still at a loss, not knowing how to respond.Yu Jing was also very considerate and didn't ask any more questions, until Xu Baiyu said in a low voice after a while: "Of course."

It turns out that this person can also cook.Xu Baiyu was a little confused: at noon this day, at Xu Baiyu's request last time, the two of them went to eat braised chicken and rice together, but Yu Jing still didn't eat much.Xu Baiyu thought, does this person only like to cook and not eat?So does he like food or not?

Yu Jing didn't know what was going on in Xu Baiyu's heart, but she still smiled gently: "Then it's settled, just contact me when you are free."

"Okay." Xu Baiyu also smiled, looking at the other person's thin figure, he suddenly felt a little unbearable: "Mr. Yu, just leave me any work when the time comes, you should take a good rest."

"Okay, that's what you said." Yu Jing glanced at him and teased with a smile: "Don't regret it."

For many years, Xu Baiyu has almost never cared about the details of life. To him, a house is just a place to eat and sleep. As long as he is not hungry or cold, he can live without hesitation.But at this moment, looking at Yu Jing with a smile on his face, he began to think wildly, maybe I can also take some time to add some potted plants to the house.

At the gate of the community, Xu Baiyu got out of the car, bent over and smiled at Yu Jing who was sitting in the car: "Mr. Yu, thank you."

In fact, Xu Baiyu felt a little complicated in his heart. He felt that he was more than grateful to Jing at this time: this person is kind and tolerant, and he has always been humble and kind in front of him. He actually admires this kind of person.But when I think about it carefully, I feel that even the word admiration is just a partial generalization, and I have to repeat a few words of thank you in the end.

"Why are you so polite today?" Yu Jing smiled helplessly: "I don't even know what to say."

"You better go, don't waste time with me." After thinking for a while, Xu Baiyu finally said a few polite words: "I will contact you when I have time."

Yu Jing smiled and waved at him, closed the window and left.Xu Baiyu walked a few steps into the neighborhood, but still couldn't hold back, and then turned back to look in the direction Yu Jing left.

Snow is rare in Yaocheng in winter, and it is even more unusual for it to snow so early. This blessing is due to the abundance of rain this year.The lake in the city is running water, and it has always been difficult to freeze unless the temperature is really low.Xu Baiyu didn't like to travel, because he didn't have suitable people to go with him when he was a child, and he was too busy with his studies and careers when he grew up, so he never saw the real world of ice and snow with his own eyes.He stared blankly into the distance, imagining the appearance of that thin man walking through the wind and snow: at that time, the white snow was stained on his head, coat and clothes, the sky and the earth were indistinguishable, and finally merged into it, which was visible but inaccessible at the beginning At that point, the man got closer and closer until he could clearly see the other person's eyebrows.

A few days later, the last month of the year arrived as scheduled.On the short commute to and from get off work, Xu Baiyu put on her thickest scarf.During the rest of the night shift, he walked to the window with a cup in his hand and looked out. He saw the stars and the moon, which made people think of the countless times in the past.

One morning in early December, Xu Baiyu went to check the ward as usual, and when he entered Mr. Yu's ward, he saw Yu Jing sitting on the stool beside the bed.The old man was in good condition, but when Xu Baiyu was ready to leave, he heard Yu Jing say, "Dad, I have to go. I won't be coming tomorrow."

Xu Baiyu's footsteps faltered, and he immediately turned around, before the old man asked a question, he blurted out: "Why?"

Yu Jing glanced at him, and then lowered her eyes: "It's almost the end of the year, and there are many things in the unit."

Xu Baiyu nodded: "No matter how busy you are, Mr. Yu must pay attention to your body."

Yu Jing coughed, as if trying to cover up something.He didn't reply to Xu Baiyu's words, but turned to the old man: "Dad, you are well, I will come back the day after tomorrow." After saying that, he put on his coat and went out. Before leaving, he didn't forget to take the gift that Xu Baiyu gave him earlier scarf.

The accompanying nurse kept urging her, so Xu Baiyu could only glance at Yu Jing's back as she left in a hurry, and went to the next ward with a little reluctance.

Coincidentally, the next morning, the ambulance brought a patient with cerebral hemorrhage.The man was a little anemic, and the director said to Xu Baiyu while he was busy rescuing him: "Xiao Xu, go to the blood bank and ask for blood from a unit." Fuyu, talk to Lao Wang after you go. It's a matter of life and death, and he's also in a dilemma."

"Hey." Xu Baiyu hurriedly responded, and hurried to the blood bank.

Just as he passed the hall, a familiar figure bumped into his sight, so that for a moment he even felt his legs go limp, and almost fell to the ground: that person was Yu Jing whom he had just met the morning before.

Yu Jing didn't see him, and she didn't wear a scarf, but walked hurriedly towards the elevator with her mask on.Thinking about what this person said before, Xu Baiyu felt that the sky and the earth were dark before his eyes.

He quickly supported the wall and tried his best to slow himself down: he is still wearing a white coat, he is a doctor who saves patients, and he must forget all his personal affairs.The only thing he has to do is to compete with the god of death. This is his responsibility and it is his duty to do so.

But in a few seconds, he started to walk to the blood bank again. He walked faster and faster, and after a few steps, he started to run, so that he was out of breath when he arrived at the blood bank.

The patient's condition was finally stabilized, and the director breathed a sigh of relief, signaling that they could go out and take a rest.Xu Baiyu went out the door in a daze, he didn't want to see anyone, so he went to a remote staircase.He stood in the corridor with his back against the cold brick wall, only thinking about the figure he had glimpsed earlier.

Yu Jing actually came.Xu Baiyu only thought about this sentence.In a daze, he thought that he had made a mistake, but he recalled carefully, in his memory, Yu Jing did tell Mr. Yu clearly and plainly yesterday morning that he would not come over today.

Xu Baiyu could no longer get rid of the thought he least wanted to face in his mind: Is he avoiding me?Once this idea was confirmed, it immediately took root like a succulent plant "Phoenix" and spread everywhere, almost occupying his entire field of vision.

He knew that he would never mistake someone, even if he only took a quick glance while wearing a mask, he knew it was Yu Jing.He didn't have any definite thoughts in his heart, but he still felt that his heart was sinking unceasingly, so that his nose was sore after a while, and tears fell down uncontrollably.

What am I doing?Xu Baiyu quickly took out a few tissues to wipe away his tears, carefully organized his thoughts, and finally attributed the reason to the fact that he had rashly come out to him earlier.

Xu Baiyu closed his eyes in despair, and when he calmed down a bit, he began to try to pull his mind back.But this time he found it very difficult for him to do it: Yu Jing's lying was like the last straw that broke the camel's back, causing all the things he had buried in his heart that he had never told others to come up: his parents almost never stopped talking when he was a child. Arguing, the cold eyes of my mother when she left without mercy, being difficult to get along with after school and being teased by classmates as freaks, walking alone on Friday afternoons in junior high school for many years of heavy traffic.All these scenes intertwined and became a quagmire, making his life before the age of 15 hideous.He thought he had forgotten it a long time ago, but until now, when Yu Jing's inconsistencies in words and deeds also began to contribute to this, the long-awaited nightmare reappeared in his ears:

Xu Baiyu, people who are willing to treat you well only know a part of you.Do you really think that there are people in this world who are willing to take a picture of the real you?You're a dreaming piece of trash!

Xu Baiyu covered his ears, unable to stand still, he could only squat down slowly.Years have passed, life is no longer chaotic, he has a true friend, a job he likes, and even had a relationship.Although he still doesn't have much in common with his grandma, he can finally feel the love in the silent company of the other; his parents are getting older, and they are trying their best to make up for him; but he still can't forget what was said in the divorce court He doesn't even want his mother, pointing at him after drunk, saying that he looks so much like his mother, his father who will definitely be restless when he grows up, and countless ridicules and abuse stabbed at him.They are all lingering nightmares, dragging those who desperately want to live in the world to the raging fire of hell for countless days and nights.

"What are you doing?" Pei Yuning was looking around for him, and seeing Xu Baiyu squatting in a corner with a relaxed expression, his hands still covering his ears, he was startled, and quickly squatted beside him, holding his cold hand Pulled it off from the ear, then stretched out his hand and shook it in front of his eyes: "Hey, I'm talking to you."

Xu Baiyu raised his eyes to look at Pei Yunning, and the latter realized that the eye sockets and the tip of his nose were already red.Pei Yunning had never seen Xu Baiyu like this before, she was really surprised, and asked involuntarily: "What kind of stimulation did you receive?"

"No." Xu Baiyu stood up, his legs were already numb, so he could only support the wall: "Let's go back."

"Xiao Xu, brother, tell you the truth." Pei Yuning also stood up and grabbed Xu Baiyu's arm: "We have known each other for so many years, and I really treat you as a brother. If anyone dares to bully you, I will be the first One can't spare him."

Xu Baiyu knew that Pei Yunning was righteous, but he couldn't really trouble this person.He glanced at Pei Yuning, trying to force a smile, but this smile matched his pale face, without any warmth, only a little scary effect.Pei Yuning was taken aback for a moment, and the next moment she heard Xu Baiyu say: "I'm fine, really."

***

thousands of miles

misunderstanding misunderstanding misunderstanding