Yes or no

Chapter 52 The Final End

An Shaolin has never felt full before, and he doesn't seem to be happy when he thinks about it carefully.

People say that a half-sized man eats his poor father, and his father was already poor, so when An Shaolin and his sisters grew up to half their age, they directly ate him to death.Grief always comes violently. Lao Tzu died. He was reluctant to touch, let alone sell, all the treasures that he was reluctant to sell. His mother sold them for a lot of money.The old lady didn't buy any delicious food, and she didn't add a single piece of clothing.With the money and the children, I moved back to my mother's house ----- a more dilapidated and smaller yard.

An old couple with fierce faces lived in it. They didn't laugh or cry all day long. They were as cold as stones.I still can't get enough to eat even if I change places.There is only one pot, seven mouths guarding it, and even the pot does not feel safe.After suffering and suffering, when the last sister got married, An Shaolin finally died.The richness of the wedding banquet dishes dazzled An Shaolin, An Shaolin finally tasted the feeling of being full, and he couldn't say whether it was good or not.He just wanted to improve his skills in the future, like his brother-in-law, so that the old lady in the family would be full in the future.

The youngest brother-in-law is the most capable, has a lot of money, and is willing to spend it.But the old lady at home still couldn't be happy, but my sister didn't care.An Shaolin felt that his sister was also hungry and afraid. Seeing her uncharacteristically aggressive and docile with her brother-in-law like a sheep, An Shaolin wanted to laugh, probably because she had been with the old man and old lady for a long time. Shaolin is also like a rock, unable to laugh even if he wants to.

Where did the old lady spend all the money? An Shaolin didn't know, and he didn't want to ask.The old lady who is used to living a hard life is always worried, and when she is not worried, she tries to think about it, and when it comes to money, she is even more worried, so An Shaolin never mentions money to her.But when the young lady husband mentioned money to her, the old lady was very happy.His brother-in-law is a capable person.

This brother-in-law is really likable, with a square face, he looks like the protagonist in a movie.He speaks neatly and swiftly, and acts swiftly and vigorously. People who have met him must be full of praise for him.

An Shaolin felt from the bottom of his heart that his sister had accumulated virtues in her previous life, and the hunger and crying in the first 20 years were all worth it.

"This kid looks really good-looking, even better than his sister."

The brother-in-law's words made the whole family laugh, and An Shaolin felt very embarrassed.

"Are you still studying?" the brother-in-law then asked.

"It's high school, he doesn't want to continue studying..." my sister answered for An Shaolin.

An Shaolin still felt embarrassed and lowered his head.

"Go to university! I will give you a reward if you are admitted to university! What do you want"

An Shaolin thought quickly.When faced with such a problem, he always feels at a loss, and choosing is the hardest and most difficult thing.Unable to think of anything, An Shaolin just shook his head.

It made the whole family laugh again.

After my sister got married, there were only mother and son left in the yard.The courtyard didn't become more spacious because of fewer people, but it made An Shaolin feel smaller, the roof was so low that he couldn't stand up straight, and he had to hold his breath to stay in the house.An Shaolin had just had a full meal, and he didn't want to hold his breath, so he ran to his sister's house every three days, and then he simply stayed there, and his brother-in-law took him to school every day, and dropped by.

My sister's house is spacious, and there are only a few bedrooms.The most important thing is that the brother-in-law doesn't dislike him, and even An Shaolin clearly feels that he is very popular with the host.Within a few days of moving into his new home, his bedroom was filled with all kinds of rare things from his brother-in-law, like a little girl being pursued in a movie.An Shaolin is not like his father, he doesn't care about those objects, he only likes illusory things.When the brother-in-law was at home, he spent all his time hanging out with him. A man and a boy could be happy and harmonious together.

But my sister couldn't be happy.Two years later, her stomach is still deflated.

Seeing that my sister's face is getting uglier and ugly, at the same time, the day when the university starts.Before he left, his sister said to him, "Don't come back to see us in the future, and don't enter my house."

An Shaolin knew why she was angry, but he was more angry and sad than her.

An Shaolin University has been in for four years, and I really haven't seen my sister again.When I was a junior, my sister and brother-in-law moved to the south. Before moving, my brother-in-law came to school to visit An Shaolin and gave him a professional camera.

"Pursue what you like, and don't be afraid of anything!" The brother-in-law's exhortation seemed a bit out of mind.

The camera comes in handy in no time.The activities in the school and the gatherings among classmates are all taken by An Shaolin.Also because of taking pictures, An Shaolin met Du Yun, a quiet girl who is not at all squeamish.

From falling in love with her to getting married later, An Shaolin felt confused, as if he was being led by something all the time, and he eloped with her and fled to a yard far away from his hometown without knowing why. Can run on the ground.His wife is virtuous and capable, and the house is well organized outside the house, so there is nothing to worry about.

But there is still something missing, An Shaolin thought about it for a while, and finally realized that what he lacked was a feeling, happiness.It's like the feeling when I lived in my sister's house.

Once the poor boy who has suffered so much has tasted the sweetness, he can no longer be at ease, and what he thinks of all the time is the sweetness he has tasted.An Shaolin naturally thought of the entrustment given to him by his brother-in-law.So he woke up.The happiness he wants is so simple and within easy reach.Once again, the yard where I lived became too small to accommodate my body, and I could only lie down in the house, unable to stand up, and the low house was almost suffocating.

In fact, he was deceived by that feeling, and also by the brother-in-law he admired.Happiness is so nonsense, and the pursuit itself is even more ridiculous.

Sadly, An Shaolin didn't know it at all and didn't take it seriously.

The last time I met An Ning was the second day of the graduation dinner. An Ning sent An Nannan to the station.An Ning held her hand all the time, it was as soft as a cat's paw.Both of them tacitly kept silent about the events of the previous night.

The ticket checking line was packed like sardines in a can, An Ning tried his best to make room for An Nannan to feel more at ease.

"Don't send it off, you can go back." An Nannan waved her hand to signal.

"It's okay." An Ning was unwilling to move.

"An Nannan, do you want to be with me?" Seeing that the car was about to leave, An Ning finally plucked up the courage to grab her hand and asked.An Ning wanted to hold her domineeringly, keep her, even tie her down.

Don't give her freedom, as long as she can be by her side, as long as she doesn't have to endure suffering.

People come and go, unscrupulously publicize their own concerns, in front of strangers, pretending is the most meaningless.They are life itself, mundane and tacky.The scene was similar to the first time I saw her off at the airport. However, it is more ironic that things are people than things are not.

"I'm leaving." An Nannan dragged the suitcase and squeezed into the carriage without looking back.

No answer is probably the best answer.

An Nannan lay on the car window and watched her standing there, the expression on her face made it hard for An Nannan not to feel distressed.The weather is fine, and the underground platforms don't get a little sunshine, they are all shades.Connected into pieces, like a wall of shadows.She has been suppressed in the shadows, hiding secrets and refusing to tell others, mingling in the crowd fearfully.

Before An Ning left, she stood where she was, like a fool, like a tree.

The car drove away.The speed of the car was so fast that An Ning on the platform was no longer visible in just 2 minutes, but An Nannan knew that she must still be standing there, acting like a fool.

Can't promise forever, and neither can being happy now.Maybe in a certain parallel universe, An Nannan is not so cowardly. After hearing An Ning ask, "Do you want to be with me?", she will hold her hand without hesitation, and jump on the train heading to the grassland together , throwing the stereotyped and suffering parents and worldly troubles on the platform, from now on there is only the vast grassland of their dreams, the clear water and blue sky, the soft sheep, and each other.

On the seat next to it was a couple in love. The woman leaned over to kiss the man's chin with a blissful face. The man's face turned red all of a sudden, and he was so shy, just like An Ning.

An Nannan could have had this kind of happiness.

At the beginning, An Ning wanted to know everything about her missing father. She met her youngest aunt and uncle. After hearing their stories, An Ning only felt disappointed.Anyway, it's no big deal, looking and pursuing are actually the same, and it's ridiculous.

There is money, power, women, and so many real things in this world, but he and she don't like them at all. These real existences can't arouse their desires and feelings, only the things they can't grasp Feelings make them happy.But pain and happiness themselves are deceptions, traps, tricks slowly evolved by Homo sapiens in the process of foraging for food, and self-deception.But there are people in this world who are willing to play tricks on themselves.

An Ning doesn't want to be as stupid as him, and still falls into his footsteps after going back and forth.Watching the overloaded train pull out of the platform, An Ning couldn't help wondering, what's the point of all this?People move from one place to another, meet unfamiliar people and pretend to be intimate; fall asleep with a girl they don’t love in their arms, thinking about the wind and rain outside; work hard without a moment’s rest; stand blankly , sitting with nothing in my head... What's the point of all this?

An Ning is not sure whether An Shaolin has really found the happiness he was after.An Ning only knew that he was indeed dead.

It's raining again.It rains very frequently this summer.Anning's window is facing the cherry tree in the yard, it's already June, and the cherries haven't turned red yet.The raindrops fell on the leaves in a patter, and the thin and thin leaves could not bear the weight of the raindrops. An Ning could hear the wailing of the leaves in the house.Is there any meaning to this cherry tree?Why does it grow in this yard and face the peaceful window?Is it a hint?

Maybe it means nothing.

There is a round fish tank on the window sill, holding a tank of clean water.The fish were long dead, and the carcasses were dumped under the trees, rotting away.

Nietzsche said that as long as you have a reason to live, you can bear anything.An Ning didn't even want to find such a reason.

An Ning looked at the cherry tree and imagined that An Shaolin's body was covered with maggots like that dead fish.

It's still raining, I don't know when it will stop, maybe it will never stop, it's all fake anyway.

"So be it".

The author has something to say:

This story is over.

The stories of the squad leader and the heroes are also being updated. "The False God" should be just to please myself, anyway, I can't make up my mind to give up.

Whether the writing is good or not, I don't know if anyone likes it.However, since you can't let go, you don't bother to think about it.

Welcome to chat with me.