Yes or no

Chapter 44 The Middle Past 43

The big river in spring has no water

Find a beautiful girl, lie on the edge of the river full of stones and fall in love

blue sky and white clouds

My sheep are grazing on the grass that just popped

Gotta find a girl in a green dress

She will never dislike me as a sheep herder

It was less than five in the morning when I got off the train, the temperature was so low that An Ning wanted to scold her, it was 8 degrees above zero, and An Ning only wore half sleeves, and brought a thin black and white plaid shirt.

Quit my job and spent the day packing things.Picking and picking, in fact, there is nothing to clean up.The little things she sent back from abroad, the pair of jeans she left behind when she graduated, the water glasses she used in the sojourn apartment when she was preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination, and the beer cans she drank all the beer that night were together with An Ning’s own things, not many. Send it straight back to her hometown---the place where she escaped through all kinds of hardships, and it is also the only place she has left in this world.What was left was useless tatters, and it would be troublesome to keep them, so I simply threw them all away.

The process of packaging is also a process of cleaning.The accumulation of four years of university plus more than one year of work, the memories that can cause negative effects, as well as the utensils for food, clothing and housing are all packed into black garbage bags and piled up in front of the garbage bins in the stairwell. There are too many boxes. No more.It took only one day to clean up the items stored for nearly six years, and the efficiency of An Ning's sorting has almost doubled.After seeing a psychiatrist, An Ning learned nothing but lying without changing her face. She also learned to selectively retain her memory.Throw an item, and the memory associated with it ceases to exist.It is indeed a rare ability, ordinary people can't find the right way, even if they have it, there is nothing they can do about it.

Once you think about it carefully, you will find that your past self is so stupid that it is outrageous that you might as well not remember it.

The green leather train chases the track like a cow, without rush or panic.An Ning has time to squander, not afraid of being slow, only afraid that it will come to an end easily.A close-fitting backpack, a change of clothes, and unread books are all his belongings.The plan is to stay for three days and see the grassland, even a glance is actually enough for An Ning.The idyllic life that I longed for a long time ago is a pure and untainted paradise. The sky is like gouache paint, pure and pure, and full of water.Just looking at the blue sky and taking a breath of air with no tail odor, the 30-hour green leather car ride is worth it.After that, the sights you see and the sounds you hear are all earned.

The tranquility of thin clothing is of course still cold, and even the sun can't stand the low temperature.After being separated from An Nannan for two years, An Ning was taken by surprise from time to time, and at some point she was infected with many problems that belonged only to her.I used to not be interested in various episodes, but now I will catch up with one or two episodes as a pastime; the red color I hated the most before, I would wear it on my body from time to time and hold it in my hand... There are countless examples like this.An Ning didn't know when her likes and dislikes changed silently, and it was revealed quietly again.I'm still a little happy, with the habit of bringing two people together, I feel that the distance is not that far away.Sometimes rational thought is not as reliable as habit.

The chaotic sound of attracting customers at the exit of the station, the chartered car and the tourist guide staying in the hotel, louder than that.The proprietress is not in a hurry if she can't find anyone, she chats loudly with three or five people, and seems to be very acquainted.Strangers with luggage kept pouring out from the exit.Most of the migrant workers dressed indifferently, for them, this is just a place to make a living, not much different from other places they have been to.In addition to migrant workers, there are also travelers, who are full of interest, and they also have expectations besides luggage.An Ning does not belong to any party, An Ning is just a rootless traveler, timidly looking for a place to stay temporarily, it doesn't matter how big or small it is, or whether it is prosperous or not.

She has returned to China a long time ago. What is she doing now? Her city is very hot every day. Will she bring her family and even her boyfriend to this place to escape the summer? Will she just meet? If you meet here, what should you tell her in the first sentence? I still pretended not to see it and turned away quickly.

An Ning looked around, but she was not among those excited faces.On the one hand, I feel relieved, and on the other hand, I feel depressed.We haven't seen each other for two years, and I'm afraid she has changed a lot.An Ning could use her imagination to picture her excited face when she sent those gadgets, and her doubts when she didn't receive a response after a long time.An Ning deliberately didn't reply, and tortured her with herself. Although she couldn't get the slightest pleasure, An Ning still wanted to torture her and herself at the same time.

The headache recurred again.I committed the same crime when I was on the train. After taking painkillers, I closed my eyes for an hour before I could barely open them and walk.When I got out of the car, nothing happened.

An Ning was invigorated by the stimulation.

"Girl, where are you going?" A taxi stopped at An Ning's feet on the road.The car window reflected An Ning's face, slightly haggard.An Ning hesitated for a moment, opened the door to get in the car, and showed the driver the name of the hotel he was going to.

With the doors closed, the driver began to chat.He said it was a chat, but in fact he was the one talking non-stop, from the ticket prices of scenic spots to the price of his own house per square meter, all the way to how hard it is to raise money for a wedding gift.If it wasn't already here, he might have to continue talking about how to secretly have a second child, and then he was caught and fined so much.

An Ning doesn't find the trivial details of ordinary life annoying, but rather envious.What do people do in life? After eating enough and dressing warmly, it is nothing more than seeking a bit of smoke and fire in the mundane world, and having fun with that little smoke and fire.An Ning lives in this secular world, clinging to other people's anger and complacency.Stumbling all the way to her twenties, An Ning believed that she must be sick, otherwise she wouldn't be able to live a life that seemed simple, causing disturbances for no reason, forcing herself to hide in the dark night.

But, what about heart disease?

I don't feel tired until I see the bed.The hotel is very distinctive, with the shape of a yurt, but the decoration is full of modern elements.She is wearing a national style coat, and inside is the core driven by interests.

A tourist city can be forgiven, but I still can't help being disappointed.Lying on the bed, the room facing the street could clearly hear the traffic outside.It feels like the cries are coming from under the window. Through the rough horn, a man's angry voice continues one after another, "Big porridge, hot porridge just out of the pot...", slowly the sound of the speaker drifts away, and the electric The porridge barrel on the tricycle rubbed against the carriage, slowly rubbing from one end to the other.An Ning ran to the window after the sound, but the sound was still there, but she couldn't find the tricycle, probably already turned the corner.That voice had the same accent as Liu Huaiyu's, and it was so similar to his serious voice! An Ning couldn't help laughing at herself, how could he sell porridge on this street, even if he bought porridge, he wouldn't go downstairs by himself.Also, I haven't seen him for two years. He is the only link An Ning keeps with the past. Whether it's other people or things, An Ning has cleaned them up and thrown them into the trash can of the rented house.With just such a connection, An Ning was reluctant to throw it away.In the final analysis, it was just a reluctance to part with the memories of those four years.What's more, Liu Huaiyu always has various ways to find her.Don't hide, you can't hide.Fortunately, he has the ability to make An Ning believe in such an excuse openly.

The bathroom door opens to the wardrobe.This room is really spacious, almost as big as An Ning's small apartment.Compared with the previous city where every inch of land was very expensive, it is not surprising that there are few people here, and the houses, parks, and squares are spacious everywhere.On the right side of the wardrobe is a triangular corner cabinet, the same as the wardrobe, pure wood, and the smell of varnish can't hide the fragrance of the trees.Taste and color are intact.There are five floors of corner cabinets. Like every hotel room, snacks, water, magazines and Durex are neatly placed.

An Ning, who had just taken a shower, stood in front of the mirror next to the corner cabinet, saw two boxes of Durex stacked together, and smiled.

After taking a shower, I woke up for 3 minutes, no more, no less.And I felt even colder, so I couldn't get out after wrapping up in the quilt.The place other than the quilt is barren.

Slowly drowsy, sinking in a piece of green, boundless.Occasionally, a few straight and beautiful birch trees stand on the side of the road not far away, swaying gently in the wind, and the sound of the accordion can be heard next to your ears, which is clean and overwhelms the arrogant sound of the car engine on the road.A little farther away is the shade of the mountain, a pine tree is climbing the slope, in August, it is all green, so is the mountain, so is the water, and the grass lying under the body is even more so.

This small town is full of colors and different everywhere.No matter day or night.

The previous city was not.Its night is more colorful than the day, but the people in the colorful and colorful are also more empty and lonely.

It's raining, the sun is in the sky without hindering the rain, and the flowers and grass around me are dripping wet.An Shaolin grabbed An Ning's wrist, not in a hurry to shield her from the rain. He also lay flat on the grass, with his other hand open, palm up, catching the glistening raindrops, and whispered to An Ning, "Look more Beautiful!"

"Dad, I'm broken in love!" An Ning burst into tears, and couldn't tell whether it was rain or tears on her face.An Ning has never told anyone about her relationship with An Nannan, except Liu Huaiyu.This was the first time that after separating from An Nannan, she faced the fact of separation.

"I'm broken in love." An Ning said again, afraid he didn't hear.

An Shaolin clenched An Ning's wrist, and at the same time put away his other hand, hanging naturally on the blade of grass, moving his lips, "Cough, what's the big deal."

What's the big deal? An Ning thought secretly.If you want to be with An Nannan, you have to withstand the pressure from her family.Even if she can live together despite the difficulties, how can she be sure that she won't suddenly regret it one day like An Shaolin? An Ning's darkness will wear away her own light little by little, what will happen then An Ning can't see her own future, and most of the past days are muddling along, not daring to make promises, and naturally not daring to accept other people's vows.

As the rain was still falling, An Shaolin turned back and forth anxiously, seemingly unable to find a comfortable position, and complained dissatisfiedly, "This place makes me breathless!"

An Shaolin said this sentence countless times, and An Ning got tired of hearing it.Out of breath, out of breath, what can I do to escape? Irresponsible people always have sufficient reasons to escape. In fact, others are clear, but they are deceiving themselves.Stupid and cowardly.An Ning despises An Shaolin's cowardice, and imitates An Shaolin's cowardice when something goes wrong.An Ning wants to be braver and stronger, and professionals also tell An Ning to be strong and not to be defeated.The truth is easy to say, but when feelings of helplessness and depression strike, they can be as damaging as a headache.

They just say "Strong! Be strong!"

An Ning felt the change in the atmosphere, and the clouds above her head were getting thicker and thicker, and it was dark and gloomy in the blink of an eye.When the rain stopped, An Ning looked up and saw that she was under the cherry tree. It grew supplely and opened its blood-red leaves. Water droplets dripped down the veins of the leaves and hit An Ning's bare insteps, disappearing all of a sudden. .It's just a drop of water, but it can cause An Ning to bleed, and An Ning's heart will be holed.Now is that time, An Ning can't realize whether the feeling is fear, or just a reaction to pain.

An Ning misses that tabby cat, or the smiling Liu Huaiyu.None of them are there.

An Ning doesn't have the ability to predict the future, but she can vaguely know what will happen next. This scene has been experienced countless times since she was a child, and it is similar with minor differences.This time, An Ning was rarely willing to look at the bedroom in the house.Uneasy is uneasy.

Unexpectedly, there was a powerful force that grabbed her head and turned to the house.An Ning struggled, desperately struggling, turning her head in the opposite direction.But the power was too strong, An Ning begged for mercy, and tears fell on her feet, indistinguishable from the water droplets.An Ning had never felt such powerless pain.

There were two entangled shadows on the window, like two wet rags twisted together.Suddenly, the two entangled shadows disappeared on the window as if deflated.The lights in the house went out, and An Ning was driven by a mysterious force and ran into the house.No hair stood on end, instinct was quicker than the brain's reaction, something went wrong.An Ning vaguely knew what it was, and was forced to rush to that bedroom.The corridor light was turned on, illuminating the red puppy printed on the pink and white wall. It took An Yan some effort to print a clear pattern.Heart was beating non-stop, An Ning didn't want to move forward, she felt like her heart was torn apart every time she took a step, besides heartache and fear, they followed her like a shadow, so she had to go.Even without being evicted.An Ning knew very well that there was the truth of the past in this room.

The lights in the corridor were flickering, and the bedroom door was ajar. With a little light in the corridor, An Ning saw that An Shaolin was covered in blood, as if he had rolled in a pool of blood and was wet.The red color is really breathless.He was lying in front of the bed, clutching his hands tightly, a piece of paper with a string of numbers written on it, maybe it was someone's phone number, maybe it wasn't.He finally stopped talking, out of breath and ended up not being out of breath anymore.Looking at this scene, An Ning wanted to ridicule him, or at least show him a sneer.But An Shaolin was gone.At this moment, he was very calm, with a vague smile on the corner of his mouth.Ordinary days suffocated him, he didn't want to, and finally he got peace.that's what he wants

An Ning fell to the ground beside An Shaolin, his head hit the floor with a muffled sound, but he couldn't care less about the pain.An Ning instinctively closed her eyes, not daring to breathe.Someone was crying muffledly on the bedside, and it was hard to tell whether it was fear or sadness.

"Look, how beautiful it is." An Shaolin seemed to whisper in his ear.

An Ning grasped something, like grass, or a bed sheet.

When I opened my eyes again, it was indeed raining outside the window, pattering.At that moment, An Ning missed An Nannan terribly, missed the rainy night before parting, that kiss, and the softness of her body, the cold and greasy touch on her lower abdomen.

There was nothing around An Ning.

An Ning touched the backpack, swallowed two pills, tremblingly took out the cigarette and the lighter, pressed it for a long time to light it up, and slowly calmed down by relying on nicotine and tar.An Ning has no addiction to smoking, but needs a way to untangle it.In fact, An Ning is not addicted to anything. Addiction is only caused by her heart. An Ning has no conscience.

Turn on the phone, log in to Post Bar, the phone number is still there.Because she was trembling all the time, it took some effort for An Ning to save Lin Yanning's phone number and name in the phone.Her heart was beating so hard that she couldn't breathe, and An Ning couldn't stop.The broadcast number was displayed as a southern city, and before the call was connected, An Ning quickly hung up.The half of the cigarette between the fingers went out by itself, and the half of the ash was attached to it.