Wild Journey

Chapter 89 Confession | 1 Everything will be fine

Listening to Feng Yao's apology interspersed with crying, the bits and pieces of last night came back to his mind slowly.Gu Xiao's heart skipped a beat, he never imagined that Feng Yao would trick him out by getting drunk.

The current state of mind can be described as hard to describe. Gu Xiao had a headache from Feng Yao's crying. He hugged Feng Yao and rubbed his temple with one hand, and he was silent for a long time.

In fact, Gu Xiao didn't want to tell Feng Yao those things, partly because he didn't want to see Feng Yao like this.Crying is nothing, what he is most afraid of is that the old things will grow in Feng Yao's heart like a stubborn and sharp thorn, which is difficult to eradicate, and will hurt Feng Yao from time to time in the years to come.On this point, it is rare for him to reach a consensus with Yishen. Sometimes, forgetting becomes protection.

But Gu Xiao also has scruples, because Feng Yao has never been a person who can be manipulated, he is not willing to live in deception and concealment, since he has decided to find out the truth, he will not be easily swayed.Whether to confess or not is an embarrassing thing, so Gu Xiao struggled for so long, and finally chose to procrastinate and procrastinate.Maybe one day the truth will come to light, but that day should never be a sudden, drunken night, but things have come to this point, and Gu Xiao can only recognize the difficult reality now.

Sitting in two hugging postures was too laborious, so Gu Xiao simply hugged Feng Yao over.The carriage was narrow and low, Feng Yao was 1.8 meters tall, curled up on Gu Xiao's lap, and the space suddenly became extremely crowded.

Seeing Feng Yao crying into a disfigured face, Gu Xiao thought it was cute for no reason, as if he had returned to many years ago, Xiao Feng Yao was crying, and he hugged him to coax him in the same way.The past events eased Gu Xiao's mood, he suppressed an inappropriate smile, raised Feng Yao's face, and wiped away his tears.

Tears were dripping from Feng Yao's eyelashes, he sobbed, "...I'm sorry."

Gu Xiao: "Well, it's okay."

Feng Yao: "I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't know it at the time. I didn't lie to you, and I didn't want to hurt you. I, I really didn't."

Gu Xiao: "I know, I know everything."

Gu Xiao never said much, but it was precisely this short and calm reply that effectively calmed Feng Yao's emotions.Feng Yao gradually calmed down amidst Gu Xiao's calm attitude, and the crying finally died down.

Looking at each other, Gu Xiao helped Feng Yao wipe his face, while Feng Yao held his arm and looked at him with tears in his eyes. This appearance was really lovable, Gu Xiao's heart softened, and he couldn't help coaxing: "Don't cry. ,It's in the past."

Feng Yao hesitated and said, "But your illness..."

Gu Xiao: "I will try to exercise restraint in the future."

Feng Yao quickly shook his head: "It's not restraint, it's not a matter of restraint. It's all my fault, your illness, our past..." There are many things that I can't think about carefully, and the more I think about it, the more sad, Feng Yao lowered his eyes, and his eyes turned red again. After a long while, the almost out-of-key words came out of his throat, "... I ruined them all."

"Shh, don't cry, don't cry." Gu Xiao covered Feng Yao's mouth vainly, "I'm still alive, can I cherish the present? How old are you, be obedient."

Feng Yao also felt that it was embarrassing for him to cry until he hiccupped in his twenties, but this matter was different. It didn't matter how much he had suffered, but what made him sad was that it was Gu Xiao who suffered, and these sufferings came from he.

There is nothing sadder than guilt.

Gu Xiao covered half of Feng Yao's face, and his choked voice was muffled into a faint hum. He looked at Gu Xiao anxiously, afraid that Gu Xiao would be annoyed, so he didn't dare to cry anymore, so he bit his lower lip and tried to suppress his crying. Holding it back, he hiccupped and swallowed aggrievedly, not to mention how pitiful he looked.

Gu Xiao didn't dare to make a sound, for fear of making Feng Yao cry again if he said something wrong, the two fell silent in unison, and Gu Xiao quietly looked at Feng Yao, thinking about something, until Feng Yao When he was almost crying, he asked slowly, "Do you know why I haven't told you?"

Feng Yao looked at Gu Xiao without expressing his opinion.

"I'm just afraid that you will be like this." Gu Xiao paused for a short moment, changed the subject abruptly, and apologized to Feng Yao, "It was my fault to hide it from you before."

Although Feng Yao cried impulsively just now, he is calm now and his mind has returned to normal. He can hear that Gu Xiao has something to say, and he knows what Gu Xiao wants to say: "There are other reasons, isn't it? ?”

Gu Xiao didn't deny it: "Yes."

Feng Yao: "Because of Yishen, are you afraid that I will make trouble?"

Gu Xiao said frankly: "Yes." After speaking, Gu Xiao added, "Feng Yao, I love you because I want to take care of you and hope you are safe and happy. I don't want to force you to make a choice, so I didn't tell you the truth .”

Gu Xiao is willing to discuss this matter openly, which is unexpected but fortunate to Feng Yao. At the same time, he can also sense that the node of Gu Xiao's trauma is inseparable from the past and Yishen. Half of Gu Xiao went berserk, and he had to carefully consider the next conversation.And the result of deliberation is that Feng Yao doesn't know how to start at all, he doesn't even know what he wants, as far as this matter is concerned, he hates Yishen, but it's just a matter of fact, Yishen is his father after all, He couldn't accept Gu Xiao's trouble to find Yishen, just like he couldn't accept what happened six years ago.From Yishen and Gu Xiao's point of view, this may be an eye for an eye and undeniable revenge, but to him, it is a disguised form of re-injury.

The two most important people in his life killed each other, what should he do?

The best way he could think of was to mediate, but he couldn't say it because he knew that it was too unfair to Gu Xiao. Forgive and let go, it is impossible to understate, and he must not ask Gu Xiao to understate.

Feng Yao felt very helpless. In fact, he really wanted to break the jar, act like a spoiled child to Gu Xiao, and push all the problems to Gu Xiao to solve. He was responsible for picking and crying when he was not satisfied, but he knew he couldn't , he must take responsibility.

After much deliberation, there was no reliable idea, Feng Yao decided to ask Gu Xiao first, after all his point of view is secondary, the victim Gu Xiao is the key, so he said: "I want to hear your thoughts first. "

Gu Xiao said honestly: "I thought about killing him."

Even though there had been some ideological construction in advance, Feng Yao was still a little hard to accept when he suddenly heard this. He was stunned for a while, not knowing how to answer him. Gu Xiao didn't wait for him to reply, and asked again: "What are you talking about?" Will you forgive me?"

Maybe it's the same mind, even if Gu Xiao didn't say it clearly, Feng Yao understood his thoughts, he wanted to kill Yishen, and then stay by Feng Yao's side, and then slowly get forgiveness.But if Yishen died in Gu Xiao's hands... Feng Yao didn't dare to imagine that scene at all, he said confusedly: "I...I don't know."

Gu Xiao: "But you have forgiven him."

Feng Yao: "You can't think like that. If I could have stopped him then, I would never have let him experiment with you."

"But you failed to stop him." Gu Xiao said, "You still forgive me."

"I didn't forgive him, I just didn't know it before." Feng Yao felt that this comparison was completely meaningless, "You are all important to me, I can hate him, but I can't watch him die, I... ..."

Gu Xiao interrupted Feng Yao and asked, "What about me?"

When he said this, Gu Xiao was expressionless, and his tone did not fluctuate. He just looked at Feng Yao, and his beautiful peach eyes were dull.

Feng Yao understood the look in his eyes, it was disappointment.

The two were speechless, as time passed by minutes and seconds, the light quietly shifted to an angle, piercing Feng Yao's eyeballs brightly, the tears were dried, and the soaked skin felt uncomfortable tightness, Feng Yao Closing his eyes again, in the quiet darkness, he sighed softly: "I'm sorry."

Gu Xiao frowned slightly, a little annoyed: "I don't want to hear, I'm sorry."

"I'll think about it again." Feng Yao endured his sadness and assured Gu Xiao, "Give me some time, it's too sudden, I'm now...I don't know."

The sad thing is that there is often no reason to talk about emotional matters. Those who act recklessly will not be punished, but those who are careful and strict will retreat again and again. Yishen is not afraid of Feng Yao being sad, but Gu Xiao is not willing.Gu Xiao originally wanted to solve the problem with Yishen without telling Feng Yao, but when the incident happened, it was too late to say anything, and he could only be blamed for his careless miss last time, not being able to take the initiative to create an opportunity, and not seizing the opportunity.Until now, Gu Xiao didn't know how he should persevere, he just wanted to find a reason, an excuse, so that he would stop thinking about those things.

It seemed like self-deception, but he had no choice.

So he said wearily: "You can threaten me, Feng Yao, you say you love me, you say that I am not allowed to hurt him, you say that, then I will say yes, I will say that I love you too, and then I will... ... will listen to you."

Gu Xiao obviously backed down, but Feng Yao felt even more uncomfortable, he couldn't help reaching out to hug Gu Xiao: "I won't threaten you, and I don't want to make you sad, I...I just can't accept such a solution. "

Feng Yao disapproves of human experimentation, of course he knows that Yishen did something wrong, he can criticize and blame him, but Yishen raised and educated him, family, knowledge, even life, everything he has is given by Yishen, in this In troubled times, he was also cautious about his kindness, and he could not repay it.He wanted to help Yishen make amends, but he couldn't say that, because it would be tantamount to committing a crime based on love.

Feng Yao thought a lot, he thought, he can't end it, but at least he wants to show his position to Gu Xiao, so he said: "The one who should give in is me, whether it's out of guilt, responsibility, or love, I will give in." I want to make up for you, do my best...except for killing people, I can listen to you in everything."

But Gu Xiao knows very well that if you love someone, don't make it difficult for him, so he won't let Feng Yao choose, and he won't make any demands on Feng Yao.And even if Gu Xiao didn't say anything, Feng Yao knew that besides allowing Gu Xiao to kill Yishen, the best way was to make Gu Xiao never see Yishen again.

That is to say, Feng Yao must have a talk with Yishen, whether it is questioning or severing the relationship, he must give Gu Xiao a reasonable explanation.

They each had their own concerns and hugged each other, but neither of them spoke.

Time passed for a long time, and the quarrel just now seemed to have never happened. Feng Yao absent-mindedly leaned on Gu Xiao's shoulder, and Gu Xiao hugged him, with his palm resting on his thin back, subconsciously, slowly and slowly. gently caress.

"We won't be separated again, right?" Gu Xiao asked suddenly.

Feng Yao hummed lightly: "I can't live without you." An ideal future appeared in his mind, and Feng Yao said slowly, "When the war is over, we will resign, I will take you to the doctor, and you will take me Go on a trip... We can adopt a child, get married, settle down, and live a lifetime like ordinary lovers... I will always love you, Gu Xiao, you have to believe, everything will be fine."

The phrase 'everything will be fine' seems to have a different kind of magic power, it makes Gu Xiao eager to break free from the shackles of the past, and has infinite yearning for the future about him and Feng Yao, about the rest of his life.Gu Xiao closed his eyes lightly, exhaled a trembling breath, and after a long time, he said in a hoarse voice: "Okay."

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There are quite a lot of psychological descriptions in these two chapters, and they are all talking about the past. The succinct and concise words are: Both sides are unwilling to compromise, Feng Yao decided to solve it himself.