sinovels Chapter 41 Cracks
Chapter 41 Cracks
I sat on the steps of the bar and smoked.The boss came out to take out the trash and caught a glimpse of me: "Why don't you go in and smoke?"
I rubbed my eyes and said vaguely, "I'm very bored, come out and sit."
He walked up the steps, let out a big breath, rubbed his hands together and said, "It's winter again!" I lowered my head and hummed, hoping that he would go in quickly, because I'm really not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.But it's strange that God can let me go, he went to the steps above me and sat down, took out his cigarette case, when a gust of wind blew, his lighter always failed to light, and there was a crackling sound at the other end , I was so blown by the wind that my hair stood on end, I couldn't hold it back, and sneezed.
He stopped pressing the lighter, and said casually: "I don't wear enough. It should snow here in October."
With my nose stuffed up, I said in a low voice, "Yes, I'm in a hurry to go out."
This kind of conversation didn't last long, and there was a sudden commotion inside. The boss looked back and put out the cigarette: "Hey, it's coming out." As soon as he finished speaking, Anton pushed open the door and shouted loudly: "... ...The mother-in-law at home is urging! She will be in labor in two weeks, how dare you provoke her." He walked down the stairs a few steps, patted my shoulder, "Let's go, Ivan."
I wanted to respond to him, but I was caught off guard by Valentin's gaze just as I raised my head, my heart felt like someone had grabbed me hard, tears were about to come out in the next second.I felt humiliated by this instinctive reaction, and at the same time couldn't face him, so I stood up abruptly and walked away, just wanting to stay as far away from him as possible.
But he didn't drive today, and he came here on foot, so when I walked through the busy city and reached the deserted street, I realized that Valentin had been following me not far away.He neither chased me to call me, nor asked me to wait for him. We were separated by two street lamps. I was in the bright place, and he was in the dark place. When I looked back at him in the dark place, he would never will find out.
I didn't leave the door open for him.When I got home, I sat on the sofa, turned off the light, sat in the darkness, and stared at the door.Outside the door came the sound of his approaching footsteps and the sound of rummaging through the key chain; within two seconds of the key being inserted into the lock, I suddenly felt relented and frightened.I thought, if he is drunk, I will take care of him, and tomorrow I will only mention it as a joke, laughing at how stupid he is when he is drunk, but at the same time, it is also a warning, warning him that drinking will not make me sad like this in the future.However, he closed the door, looked up and saw me startled, and said in a clear and flat tone: "What are you doing sitting there? It's spooky."
He turned on the light and stooped to take off his shoes.When he approached with his slippers on, as usual, the first thing he did when he entered the door was to fetch water from the glass, the same slapping sound, the splashing sound of the water flow, and the familiar fragments of life in the past kept appearing in my mind, causing me to Finally it was unbearable.I looked up at him: "Have you fucked her?"
"What?" His voice was inaudible in the water, and I couldn't read the emotion in it.
"I said," I raised my voice, but lost control, almost yelled in the last few words, "how many times have you fucking fucked Yulia under my nose!"
The sound of the water stopped, and he really looked at me with a frown; I couldn't bear his composure, so I stood up abruptly and walked up to him, pushing him, he didn't hold the cup steady, and the water spilled all over his body.My voice trembled: "You are really there, Valentin Viktolovich, why didn't I think of it, no wonder I was never allowed to talk about our relationship outside, and I was never taken to your bar. You're a bitch! No!" I seemed to have come to my senses, and shouted in a hurry, "I am! I am the bitch you raised at home! It's shameful to hide at home, let alone show your eyes in front of your friends! Oh , I can’t go if I have to go—just reach out and hug a woman, everything will be fine! I really admire you, Valentin, how did you come up with this coup?"
He twitched between his eyebrows, paused for two seconds, and asked, "Is it because I kissed Yulia?"
This remark is so ridiculous that I can only laugh helplessly: "What do you think of me?"
"...God," he muttered, as if it wasn't a problem, walking around with his hands pulling his wet clothes, just not looking at me.I'm not as fucking important as his clothes.
I rushed over and grabbed his arm, trying to force him to look at me; he turned his head, his lips were tightly closed, his teeth moved, and his eyes were emotionless, as if he was examining me, as if he wanted to figure out what I was doing. For a quarter of an hour, the emotional appearance is like two different people.I thought I only deserved his gaze, and I couldn't help laughing: "It will never end, Valentin. Sophia, Yulia, I should have known it would never end."
"What do you want me to do?" he said impatiently, "Tell them that I sleep with a man every day?"
Even though I guessed that he didn't want to disclose the relationship because he was afraid of other people's rumors, the contempt and contempt in his words were so naturally revealed, as if he thought so from the beginning to the end, as if I was a part of his humiliation.I thought for a moment that when my dad came out of the closet, he also showed such pure contempt, but I was not hurt at that time, but my fighting spirit was high, stronger than ever; The person I have done the ultimate romantic thing with is the person I think will not betray me, who said it himself.The self-esteem and self-love I had built up over the years fell apart so easily and became worthless because of his fluffy words.
My mind was in a mess, and I reached out to grab him again, but as soon as I touched his hand, he immediately raised his hand and pulled away from me. I suddenly hit the bar with my lower back, gasping for pain, and the wind rushed into my throat , coughing violently.The room was very quiet at one time, only the sound of my heart-piercing cough; I coughed until my brain was deprived of oxygen, tears overflowed, and I looked at him vaguely, seeing that he was still calm, and suddenly lost his mind, shouting: "Do you think you Can control everything? Do you think I love you, so I am my benefactor? You can play me as a fool? If you don’t have me, you are still living in your hometown and unemployed! Do you think you are young? You can dawdle on the street A tough guy? Valentin, you can't live at all, you can't do Mikhail's job; without me, you are a fucking useless person!"
He finally got angry because of this sentence.I could tell because his knuckles were white from the edge of the table, and I wondered, the last time he pressed his fingers until they were white was when I fucked him in the bathroom.I almost thought I had won when I watched him lower his face and try to restrain himself.
But when he raised his face again, I couldn't help shivering.
"I'm not fucking gay at all." His words were enough to break me down.Like a long-stored anger, he punched the table, the wine bottle fell down, spilled all over the table, and dyed the tablecloth I spread into a strong brown, very pungent, I think this tablecloth is scrapped, what a pity It’s still from Ralph Lauren, and it cost me thousands of rubles. He wants to know that the tablecloth can be so expensive, and he wants to call me a prodigal.
"I like women," he said, staring at me, "I like to fuck women."
He still doesn't understand, how could I not know that he likes women?Women have never been my enemy, and it doesn't fucking matter.
"It's not a question of whether you like women or not, Valentin," I said almost exhausted, "you kissed another man in front of me."
"Then what do you want me to do? Push her away?" he yelled. "She's not wearing panties under that skirt—nobody—not a single Russian man, would push her away under the circumstances!" Then he showed a familiar sarcasm and asked, "Have you ever fucked, Ivan?"
I looked at him silently.
"If you've ever fucked, you know how different it is to an ass|hole," he said. "Like a sponge, like silk, layer upon layer; there's no man who doesn't like to fuck|pussy. You know it when you've fucked."
The ticking of the clock was louder than ever, counting time in my ears and beating a drum in my heart, so that I felt that if I didn't speak, I would panic and die.
"As long as you love me a little bit," I said dejectedly, "you wouldn't say such things."
He paused for a long time, so long that I thought he really loved me a little bit.Suddenly, a snow-white car light was cast out of the window.
"...Love!" he cried harshly, as if out of nowhere. "Why are you acting like a bitch? Why do you have to ask me if I love you? I don't, I don't love anyone. I don't even Love myself. As I said, I like you, I want to be with you, but you all want me to lie, you, Sophia, Yulia, all want me to lie, you want me to tell the world. And then what? Then no matter what you do, you won’t be satisfied, and you will accuse me of lying in turn. Let’s have a good show! Sophia wants to drag me into a mandarin duck, and Yulia wants to come with me to save Fengchen. What do you want me to do? Ivan? Come out to the world for you?"
Where did I ask him to come out, I just told him not to kiss women.Yet I was sad enough to utter another coherent sentence, to watch him cry with wide eyes, unable to believe he dared to gouge out my heart like this.All the quarrels so far have been meaningless, all the hours I've spent, all the nights I've cried, none of them count.
No quarrel, only endless silence; he stared at the pool of stains on the tablecloth, suddenly grabbed it and yanked it hard, sweeping it all on the floor, and strode out amidst the curses on the other side of the neighbor's wall, slamming the door shut. Open the door, leaving a mess.
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Glancing at the comments, I didn’t expect Dakar’s reaction to be so big. I will issue an early warning for the plot later, so I can’t stand it and skip it (although this month is heartbreaking October.