The difference between cloud and mud

Chapter 21

After parting with Xiao Fengtai, Jiang Tong turned on the computer to check the online banking account as soon as he got home.The Xiao family is a generous employer. A part-time job that is not too long or short allows him to save a small sum of money in addition to supporting the family.

But this is not enough.Mother's follow-up treatment, younger sister's education, and Jiang Tong's own study abroad all need money.Jiang Tong stared at the savings figures for a while, and decided to take advantage of the time to review the exam at the end of the semester, and then go out to do a part-time job for a while.

Feelings can be ambiguous and chaotic, but material deprivation is real.Jiang Tong is busier than before, busy going to school, working in the laboratory, and interviewing for new part-time jobs.Only in the dead of night, he dragged his tired body back home, and threw his body on the bed like a embarrassing bag.In the lonely silence of the small apartment, in the only 15 minutes of the day that belonged to him, he would think of Xiao Fengtai.It turns out that regret is far more profound than sadness.

The notice from the Xiao family came later than expected.So slowly that Jiang Tong almost thought that Xiao Fengtai was deceiving himself and others, and used a passive way to preserve the only intersection between them.The agent acted professionally and decisively, and explained to Jiang Tong in fluent and standard English that Xiao Fengtai wanted to unilaterally terminate the contract early and would compensate Jin Yunyun for breach of contract according to the terms.

The penalty for breach of contract was a lot of money for Jiang Tong, and he readily accepted it.why not?He sacrificed his emotions and desires to save the bright future of an adolescent boy. Jiang Tong decided to let himself go and take the money as a reward for him in life.

On the night when the money arrived, he went to the bar again.Jiang Tong originally wanted to learn from his friends who were hurt by love, so that he would not return drunk.But after drinking a few glasses of whiskey, the bill including tax and tips and the next day's schedule played back and forth in his mind like a rolling subtitle.He walked out of the bar full of frustration, discovering for the first time that unbridled pain is a luxury.

When he got home, he folded his clothes on the bed and fell asleep.He slept very restlessly, and dreamed that he was still taking the Singapore school selection examination at a mainland university.The time for handing in the paper was approaching by the second, but Jiang Tong couldn't answer a single question.He squeezed the pen holder, writing and drawing on the paper in vain, his palms were covered with cold sweat.

When the time came, the bell for handing in the paper was sharp and piercing, as if it came from deep inside the body.Jiang Tong was shocked and sat up suddenly.

It's the ringtone.He dug out his mobile phone from the messy bed, still in a daze.

"Excuse me who?" he muttered, still sleepy in his voice.

No one spoke on the other end of the receiver.In the middle of the night, Jiang Tong was sitting in a room with no lights on. In the dark, his hearing became extremely sensitive.He listened to the deep and shallow, rapid and erratic breathing on the phone, and his mind gradually became clear.

In the patient competition between the two, Xiao Fengtai never won.Hearing his voice again, Jiang Tong felt as if he had passed away. He thought that he would never have the chance to interact with Xiao Fengtai again in his life.

"They have already contacted you." Xiao Fengtai whispered.

"Ah."

Another moment of silence.

"Don't you have anything to say?"

Jiang Tong took a deep breath: "Thank you very much for the opportunity you provided. I hope you can become interested in Chinese through these few lessons, and I wish you——"

"Jiang Tong" Xiao Fengtai interrupted him suddenly: "I just dreamed about my mother."

"I miss her."

His voice was very soft and thin, suspended in the night sky like a weak wandering spirit.

"Xiao Zhizhong took the violin she left for me, do you remember, the violin that Paganini played."

"I haven't dared to tell my grandma—she won't protect me in this matter. It's all my fault. It's my fault that I shouldn't be dazzled by peachy fantasies and act recklessly. I always comfort her by saying that my mother and I Not the same, indeed, I am far worse than my mother."

"If my mother sees me today, she must be very disappointed."

"Do you think I'm naive and ridiculous?" He chuckled, with sobs in his laughter: "It's obvious that I'm just a brat, but I'm pretentious, thinking that I'm the center of the world."

Jiang Tong felt like his heart was tightly held by a big hand.

"Don't belittle yourself," he said with difficulty, "You...you are very cute."

"Come on, we are no longer in an employment relationship. Just tell the truth, I won't do anything to you." Xiao Fengtai's voice was tired beyond his age: "Although you generously admit that you are trying to please me for money, I'm used to it anyway. gone."

"I used to think you were different - not your fault, I always overestimated myself."

"I didn't comfort you." Jiang Tong whispered: "You are smart, sharp, talented, and your future is limitless. You are better than you think."

"What happened that day..." He paused for a moment: "Don't worry about it. When you grow up and see the outside world, you will be glad that nothing happened to me."

He gradually couldn't tell whether he was convincing Xiao Fengtai or himself.

"Just stop here, it's good for us."

"I'm not good enough for you."

However, Xiao Fengtai seemed to be irritated by him.

"I swear this is the last time I will contact you." The young man said coldly, "Mr. Jiang, do you have to perfunctory me until the last moment?"

"I didn't perfunctory you!" Jiang Tong blurted out, startled by his own volume.

Xiao Fengtai didn't need to remind that this was their last call.Jiang Tong knew that he should be cautious, rational, and consider every word carefully.But he can no longer carry more thoughts - calculating the bill price, the cheapest return route, tomorrow's experiment arrangement, mother's re-examination schedule, who to ask for a postgraduate recommendation letter, whether to return to the old job to write a thesis or find a restaurant The work of washing dishes...alcohol, exhaustion, and the dull pain that gnawed at his nerves day and night, he finally couldn't stand it any longer.

"You have to listen to the truth, okay, no problem, remember you asked for it."

"I like you, Xiao Fengtai, and I probably still love you."

"I reject you, because we can never be together. If someone finds out, people around me will think that I am immoral, and your father will want me to disappear from the earth, even yourself-I have already said , When you go to college and come into contact with the adult world, you will quickly get tired of me, and even get tired of yourself who pursued me."

He even laughed out loud at the end.It turns out that it feels so comfortable and carefree to speak frankly.

"Are you satisfied now, Master Xiao." He said softly, "Yes, I like you. I've never been so infatuated with someone in my life—maybe I won't be in the future."

"I am very tired."

"Let me go."