that boy said he loves me

Chapter 16

After that drunkenness, my life was on the right track, and sometimes I forced myself to forget him, and I wanted to accept new feelings. I didn't want to entangle all my emotions on one person. I couldn't openly hold hands with him, and couldn't be like Normal men and women kiss in public like that. During that time, I felt like I was going crazy, and I made up my mind to give up Xiaoxing.By chance, I found a gay group number in this area from a gay network "Danlan" forum. I have never been in touch with a gay group, and I feel that this place is so fresh, everything is full of unknowns, and it is another new opportunity for me. Perceived the restart of the world, "comrades" can express their unspeakable needs in QQ, and can boldly express their true and timid thoughts in their hearts. The gay group is a small-scale dating platform. Here, as long as you tell yourself The various "signs" of the body, when you meet the conditions of those people in it, two people can strike up a conversation with each other through the Internet, get acquainted with each other, and finally hit it off and "do what you should do." The rest I believe everyone You can guess all the best, and many comrades love the QQ group, just because it is cheap, convenient, fast, and the contact method is deeply sought after and loved by the gay group.

This is the best place to find and vent the overflowing desires of the body and solve the "emptiness and loneliness". I also intend to find my "real" feelings from this "virtual" world.

Like everyone else, I met a boy on the Internet through chatting. He is very handsome, and he is as good as Xiaoxing.

I met the first "netizen" through QQ chat, and later he became my "lover" and the only boy who witnessed my death—his name was Tong Xianbu, and I like to call him Xiaobu.

That day we made an appointment to meet in a western restaurant, he gave me the feeling that he was very clean, with a pair of pure and innocent instant sons, I admit that I am a "visual kei" boy.

If it looks ugly, I will definitely slap my ass and leave without even taking a second look.

Ever since I was with Xiao Bu, I gradually ignored Xiao Xing and forgot about him little by little.

The boy liked me a lot and we fell in love very quickly and the flames got out of hand...

He is a very clingy child, with the self-willedness and arrogance of a rich young master. He bombards my mobile phone with text messages every day, irritating my fragile nerves.

This is also the first time I've been in love with a boy, and I didn't expect that I could be passionate and sleepless.

We opened the room together, and he said he would go in and take a shower first. I heard the sound of rushing water from the bathroom. The sound of water was not hitting his body but my restless heart. When we were actually on the bed, he I will cover my shame. I have never seen a boy with such a charming collarbone. It is well-proportioned and full of temptation.The skin seemed to be transparent, and the blue blood vessels could be vaguely seen.The eyes are blurred and sad, the lips are slightly raised, and the eyes watching me enter his body eagerly, the expression is like a young "widow" who is widowed and longs to be loved.

He was full of expectations, we used each other's body temperature to wipe away the mania in our hearts, and composed a love movement with our flesh, we walked through each other's cold and damp grass, and crazily vented the overflowing liquid in our bodies, since that time we have never met again It is a "child", and the body seems to have begun a "qualitative" change.

Later, I gradually discovered that being with Xiaobu is just getting what we need. I have never given any true feelings to Xiaobu. Simply put, I have never loved him.

Our union may have made a lonely mistake under loneliness, and this is just to give each other warmth when we need comfort most.

I fell in love, but I didn't have the joy and passion when I fell in love.

I understand that this is unfair to Xiaobu, because there is a person hidden deep in my heart.

I intend to bury this feeling and accept a new love that belongs to me and Xiaobu, but Xiaoxing's shadow is always unyielding and hits the softest "forbidden zone" in my heart again and again.

For the status quo, I can only surrender. I can't pour all my love into Xiaobu. Sometimes I will yell at him, and sometimes I will ignore him.Just like when I knew I was "gay" and ignored Xiao Xing, Xiao Bu said I was a cold-blooded animal, said I had no conscience, said I was a piece of wood, said that I never loved him, if saying this can make him If you feel better, let him go.

I also once hoped that I could love him with my heart, and let myself devote myself to love Xiaobu like Xiaoxing.

But there is a person hidden in my heart and I can no longer tolerate a second him.

Xiaobu often came to my school to buy this and that for me. He stuffed all his favorite things into my arms. For a while, I was deeply moved by his persistence. But it's just gratitude, there is no "true" towards Xiaoxing.

The more Xiaobu courtes me, the more I hate him and the more indifferent I am to him.

I also know that Xiaobu fascinated me at the beginning because of his cleverness and understanding, but now I have him and possess him, but I throw away all his kindness to me like "garbage".

I think when Xiaobu and I fell in love, he already belonged to me. From the time I really possessed him, he fell in love with me, and from then on I hated him and hated him.

I started to hate him, hate him, despise him, I hate his handsome face like Xiaoxing, I hate his obedience to me, I despise him for being attentive to me, in fact, what I hate the most in my heart is them With such a similar face.

I know that I am a person who doesn't know how to cherish, if I don't love him, I should let him go.

But I have another obsession with him, and more of a reluctance to let go, just procrastinating like this, which makes me exhausted and in a dilemma.

At the beginning, I hoped to forget Xiaoxing through Xiaobu. People say that if you want to forget the person you loved in the past, you should start a new relationship!

I thought I could forget those hidden loves in the past by doing this, but I didn't forget Xiaoxing, but I felt guilty for Xiaobu.

Not wanting to go on like this anymore, I packed the clothes that Xiaobu sold to me clean and packed them and sent them to his school, and asked him out.

After meeting, he saw the package in my hand and asked me what are these?

I said nothing, not a word.

He threw the package on the ground and walked away.

With tears in his eyes, he asked hoarsely on the playground if I had ever truly loved him.

I didn't answer his question, and didn't turn my head. Trying to make my voice sound calm, I replied lightly, "I wish him happiness"!

I heard the sound of Xiaobu sniffing behind me, I didn't dare to turn my head back, I was afraid that my heart would soften, and I was afraid that I would hurt his heart again by walking with him again because of sympathy.

I gradually walked away, and heard Xiaobu cursing me from behind, I don't blame him, if this can make him feel better, then let him scold me as much as he wants!

We haven’t been in touch since then. In Xiaobu’s space, I saw a message he updated that night. People. Acquaintance is just a "just so" encounter, in the deepest "not so" place. Whether there is only the shadow of this "just so" person, I am not the happiest, but I am not the most unfortunate either. Love is nothing more than that, how can there be unforgettable memories. Recall those "just so" (memories) and record those stories that are just so"

I am sorry for him, our "love" was a mistake from beginning to end.

At this moment, I understand that no one can live without someone in this world, and what people fear most in their hearts is "loneliness" and "loneliness".

I made an "ambiguous" mistake when I was only "lonely" with Xiaobu.My life has returned to the calmness of the past. When I find someone, I can calm down and think about the mistakes I made in the past.

During this period of time, I thought a lot, thinking about what Xiaoxing was doing, thinking about our pure and happy time in high school, thinking about whether I ever loved Xiaobu, thinking about the past that I can't bear to look back on, and looking forward to the future that I can't control.

Life is like this, life is fate, death, do you really want to hide your identity, and then walk "step by step" on the road of comrades.

I want to forget him, want to forget the past.

I began to close myself slowly, not contacting anyone, and now I feel that I am very quiet and less emotional entanglements will make a person pure from the inside out.I'm starting to enjoy this life.

A person's "happy" life....