that boy said he loves me

Chapter 12 Why Me

When I was a child, I had only heard the word "gay" but didn't understand the deep meaning of it.

I secretly went to the hospital and found a psychologist for an examination.

The doctor said I had "homosexual" tendencies and gave me a test result.

I can't accept this naked reality. When I saw the three words above, it seemed to stab my eyes. I clearly knew who the "admiration" object in my heart was, but I always thought that

My feelings for him were nothing but brotherhood, and I always thought I treated him like a younger brother.

But I never expected that the cry deep in my heart was longing for love with a man.

Since then, I have been lukewarm to him, and he is at a loss and doesn't know where he offended me.

I also like to talk to me and ignore it. Every time Xiaoxing asks me tentatively, I always prevaricate and reply to him.

Seeing his frown, I feel like a knife is twisting my heart. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to hurt myself, but the person I can't hurt is Xiaoxing if it doesn't hurt me.

I am afraid that if I tell him my true thoughts, he will look at me with strange eyes, afraid that he will regard me as a monster and a different kind.I'm afraid that he thinks that my kindness to him is all for a dirty purpose.

I dare not accept the blow that this reality brings to me, and I don't want to hurt a pure, kind, sensitive, and innocent child. He should be beautiful, and I don't want him to make himself confused because of me.

I decided to bury this love deep in my heart, let him rot slowly, and there is no possibility of germination forever.

Gradually estranged, we began to change from a few words a day to a whole day of silence in the future.

I ignored him on purpose, but one day he suddenly said: "Xiao Bin, don't you count what you said?" After speaking, he left with tears in his eyes.

I know I broke his heart, I shouldn't be indifferent to him, I shouldn't be indifferent to him.

He was my only friend in class, and we were inseparable.

Now we have become "strangers" who are "alone" and see each other every day. This makes me feel so embarrassing.