summer like smoke

Chapter 45

Lin Yan woke up from the darkness.The moment I opened my eyes, I felt as if I had been asleep before, as if I had died again.

What is death?It is boundless, never-ending nothingness.That was the loneliness that Lin Yan had been running away from in a hurry all his life.Yes, he is weak and cowardly, he admits it, he admits it... so what if he admits it! ?He admitted that he was afraid of death, afraid of being alone, afraid of not being accompanied by anyone, afraid of nothingness that could not be felt and touched by nothing!

If that's the case, he would rather sleep in pain, and sleep in a nightmare.

Rolling her eyes slightly, her brain started to function slowly, Lin Yanhua recalled what happened last night for a few minutes, and guessed that Li Yinan should have followed all the way to chase her, and then sent herself to the hospital.As for the illness, Lin Yan didn't mind letting Li Yinan know, anyway, after he died, the group of them would know about it anyway.Sooner or later.But he swore that if Li Yinan dared to show him a little sympathy and pity, then he would definitely not let him go even if he was a ghost.

"Are you awake? Get up and eat when you wake up."

Lin Yan, who always thought it was Li Yinan, heard a loud bang in his brain when he heard this voice, and his whole body crashed on the spot.Huo Di stared wide-eyed and propped himself up on the mattress. Lin Yan was speechless and stared blankly at the person in front of him in disbelief.

It's Li Weizhe. ...It was actually Li Weizhe? ... by making a mistake! ?

Lin Yan was terrified and terrified. In the past, even a little bit of affection from this man could bring him supreme glory. It was like a youthful experience in the clouds. Feng Guo Wuhen was like an absurd dream. I want to ridicule.Compared to Lin Yan who was so surprised at the moment, Li Weizhe over there seemed much calmer.

"Hey, what's your expression? Could it be that in your heart, I'm so unfeeling?" Li Weizhe raised his eyebrows, "At least I'm still, much better than someone else."

When the word "someone" was mentioned, Li Weizhe's tone was slightly dissatisfied.

"I've never thought you were unfeeling, Li Weizhe." Lin Yan blinked, his eyes were sincere, and he smiled slightly, "It's just the object of your affection, never, not me."

His voice was very soft, but he didn't care about it, and he didn't care anymore.It is said that growth is a momentary thing, but in order to be sensible at that moment, everyone has to go through too much.

Otherwise, why trade it.

Hearing Lin Yan's words, and seeing Lin Yan's current state, Li Weizhe's eyes suddenly flashed a complicated and simple, and undisguised pity. After a moment of silence, he sighed and took the initiative to explain the current situation to Lin Yan: "Last night was Li Yinan sent you to the hospital. At that time, I was accompanying Zhuang Jingyu to see a doctor." Pausing for a few seconds, petting unconsciously filled the brows, "That fool can catch a cold even in summer. Fortunately, I followed, otherwise he would definitely We have to hold on like last time.”

Lin Yan was in a daze when he heard it, and he was very envious: "Yes, he is sick... no matter how minor the illness is, you must be worried to death."

The deep envy can't be concealed.I didn't even want to cover it up.Lin Yan was not afraid of losing face in front of Li Weizhe, after all, he had already lost face.What's more, now, all his shame lies with Xia Zhaoshi.

Li Weizhe paused, knowing that he had made a slip of the tongue, and changed the topic: "Zhuang Jingyu came to S City this time to participate in an academic exchange on behalf of University Z. This morning, he had to leave because of a meeting. Li Yinan originally wanted to guard you, but Wasn't he making a movie with Lu Aiai a while back? The director is Xie Feige, a perfectionist, who is famously strict, even with his friends. Xie Feige called Li Yinan away early this morning, saying I have to take another shot, and I probably won’t be back until noon.”

Lin Yan bent over and held his belly and laughed sullenly: "Haha, it's really hard for you to talk such a lot of nonsense to change the subject. Li Weizhe, what's wrong with you? How can you take care of my feelings like this? I'm really flattered, Aren't you afraid that your precious wood will be jealous?" Tired of laughing, Lin Yan straightened up rubbing his stomach, raised his hand to stroke his hair, and said lightly, "Actually, you don't have to worry, because there is really no need, and it doesn't matter. You don't need to do that, I don't care what happens to them both."

Lin Yan took a deep look at Li Weizhe, fluttered lightly, and said word by word: "There is also you, Li Weizhe, and I don't care."

No more, don't care.

This is the first time that Li Weizhe has known Lin Yan for so long, a total of 13 years, in a long time, in the conversation with Lin Yan, he actually got the upper hand.

Because Lin Yan liked him in the past, Lin Yan always lost badly; but now the two of them don't like each other very fairly. Lin Yan has never, ever lost in this kind of evenly matched match.

He only failed miserably, and always at the hands of the person he fell in love with.It was terribly precise, like a vicious curse that could never escape.Although Li Weizhe felt that Lin Yan was a typical poor person, there must be something hateful about it, but he couldn't help feeling vaguely pity and distress for him.

After all, almost...almost, I was tempted.He, Li Weizhe, really wasn't so heartless.

After a while, Li Weizhe shrugged and smiled generously: "That's good."

That's fine.That's the best.Li Weizhe's smile at this moment is actually more patient and gentle than the days and nights they used to be together, every minute and every second.Not to mention irony.Maybe they have known each other for so many years, they have been searching for each other hard, but they are not aware of it and have never noticed it. Maybe it is such a confidant moment that can be sincere and relatively candid.

High mountains and flowing water, sympathetic to the same kind.This relationship is clear, pure and precious, but it is a pity that it came too late in the end.

Lin Yan turned his head, and hummed softly.Immediately, he lifted the quilt and got up and got out of bed, rejected Li Weizhe's help and support with his eyes, went to the bathroom alone to clean up and wash, and then sat back on the bed with relief, and began to concentrate on eating.In the past, Lin Yan would never have been so particular about it, and was so grumpy.But ever since he met Xia Zhao, he has been telling himself in his heart, Lin Yan, you have to love cleanliness...more cleanliness, a little bit more.

Gradually, the change becomes a habit, although the person he changed and formed the habit for is obviously not around at all.

Neither of them spoke.Between Li Weizhe and Lin Yan, there was rarely such peace, as still as still water.

Sometimes when you think about it, fate is really a mysterious and wonderful thing.What is not yours will never be yours, but in the future, you will feel pity if it is not yours, until you finally find the reason to cherish it.

That's right, Lin Yan and Li Weizhe are not together.But the time when they were warming each other, chatting and relieving their loneliness, their absurd, arrogant and frivolous youth, was full of vigor and prosperity—whether Zhuang Jingyu or Xia Zhaoshi, no matter how deeply they loved each other and how far they went, there was nothing they could do. destroy and replace.

The future cannot kill the past.No matter how beautiful it is, there is a first-come, first-served order.Maybe that's true love, but that's not the only thing.

"...Lin Yan," Li Weizhe suddenly said after an unknown amount of time, and first broke the suffocating silence, "Let's do chemotherapy."

Lin Yan paused with his chopsticks, and slowly lowered his eyelashes: "Well... let's talk about it." His expression was tired, and he pretended to be perfunctory.

Li Weizhe frowned when he heard the words, apparently very dissatisfied with Lin Yan's cold answer and negative attitude. He seemed to want to continue, but Lin Yan abruptly interrupted him as soon as he moved his lips: "Don't worry, I'll take care of myself." Proper."

This is not a lie.after all──

"The person who doesn't want to die the most is not others, but myself, Lin Yan."

Being blocked so irrefutably, Li Weizhe wanted to speak but had nothing to say, only silence and sighs.

Around noon, Zhuang Jingyu came back in a hurry.Lin Yan could accept the two people's sweet, greasy and crooked, he didn't care, but he couldn't accept Zhuang Jingyu's expression when he looked at him.Although he knew very well that an honest person like Zhuang Jingyu couldn't play cheap at all, and a dirty and despicable personality like gloating at others' misfortunes was far away from him. Everything he did at this moment was from the heart and from the bottom of his heart; Do you still have a little brain and emotional intelligence? ?Don't you understand that it is because it is sincere that he can't accept it even more!can not stand it!Can't stand it!OK! ?

Finally, enough was enough, Lin Yan didn't even bother to give Li Weizhe face, gritted his teeth and roared furiously at the fool: "Zhuang Jingyu... I warn you, if you dare to look at me with this face again, get out of here immediately go out!"

Facts have proved that Zhuang Jingyu is indeed an out-and-out, solid-eyed child, and he didn't feel wronged by Lin Yan's scolding like this. On the contrary, he felt more, and only felt, I'm sorry. Instantly became more exciting.Li Weizhe helped his forehead, and rolled his eyes: Of these two people, one is extremely sensitive, and the other is extremely dull... Really, he was quite speechless.

There was also a nurse who came in with Zhuang Jingyu just now. She was quite old and experienced. She noticed the subtle tension in the ward and wanted to smooth things over.While skillfully changing the bottle for Lin Yan, she said with a smile: "Young man, you are very cute. When you were sent to the hospital last night, you kept calling 'Mom, Mom'. Oh yes. Yes, there is another name, eh...it seems to be called Xia...when did it come? Hehe, who is that? It's my lover."

Lin Yan was taken aback, and slowly narrowed his eyes: "Ah, Xia Zhaoshi," the brilliance in the eyes flowed, the water waves floated, and he couldn't see clearly, then suddenly smiled lightly, and moved his chin in Li Weizhe's direction, "Here, that's him. "

"..."

For a long time afterward, there were rumors in the hospital about this explosive gossip.Of course, Lin Yan won the favor of most of the people in the hospital because he was not much higher than Zhuang Jingyu, his amazing beauty, and his terminally ill, weak and morbid "innate advantage". Maintenance and support; even earned a lot of precious tears from the little girls who just entered the hospital... Uh, this is something later, no, this is a joke.

The new medicine made Lin Yan drowsy. After eating a little for lunch, she couldn't eat any more, and fell into a deep sleep.At this time, Lin Yan was weak and weak, and they had a panoramic view.However, Li Weizhe had at least seen Lin Yan's subdued appearance when he begged him, but Zhuang Jingyu didn't have such a great opportunity. He used to patronize being bullied by Lin Yan, and all the Lin Yan he saw was the kind of domineering, arrogant, arrogant The radiant one, never seen him in such a pale and haggard, disease-ridden state before.

The sadness between the brows gradually became impossible to hide, and of course, at this time, there was no need to hide it anymore.

Li Weizhe approached Zhuang Jingyu, stretched out his hand to rub the top of his hair: "Hey, are you jealous?"

Zhuang Jingyu was puzzled for half a second, and when he came to his senses, he immediately gave Li Weizhe a hard look, and almost stomped his feet in anger, pointing at Li Weizhe's nose and scolding: "What are you thinking! I'm still jealous at this time? How the hell did you turn me on?" Who does Zhuang Jingyu think it is! Can't there be something simple in his mind?...Asshole!"

Li Weizhe quickly surrendered with a low smile: "Okay, okay, you're not jealous, you're not jealous. But, I'm jealous, it's me, okay?" Facing Zhuang Jingyu's confused innocent eyes again, Li Weizhe couldn't hold back his heart , directly rushed forward and kissed him on the face, without concealing the deep sourness in his tone, "If you use such a distressed and pitiful expression again, look at Lin Yan."

"..." I was speechless.Forget it, Zhuang Jingyu is too lazy to deal with this unreasonable and far-fetched jealousy.

However, looking at Lin Yan again, the desolation of the impermanence of the world, the sentimentality of the fragility of life, after all, Zhuang Jingyu, who had a similar experience and lost his parents, suddenly felt great grief, lost his mind for a moment, and couldn't help but red eyes: "But ..."

"Okay, okay, I know, I know," Li Weizhe looked at his dear one as if he was about to cry... It's okay! ?Immediately couldn't take it anymore, and hurriedly tried every means to comfort him, "Don't worry, you'll be fine. Don't they all say that disasters live for thousands of years? In my opinion, a disaster of Lin Yan's level should live for a lifetime no matter what. 8000 years, is it worthy of the extent of his harm?"

"You..." Zhuang Jingyu wanted to laugh but couldn't. He held back for a long time, and finally he could only sigh faintly.

In fact, he didn't have a lot of virgins, but Lin Yan didn't do anything to him, so many unforgivable mistakes.In Zhuang Jingyu's impression, even if Lin Yan could not be called a knife-mouthed bean curd heart, he definitely wasn't a knife-mouthed heart. At most, he was just a whip.It is true that a whip will cause severe pain, but at most, it is just severe pain.Lin Yan really didn't do much about the bad things that really hurt people's hearts and nature.

At least, never did to him.

No bad deeds have been done, and many good deeds have been done—such Lin Yan should not have, and should not be, such a result.

There was a sudden loud noise outside the door.It was Li Yinan's voice.It seems that he is arguing with someone, and judging from the tone and volume, it seems that there is a tendency to become more and more excited.

The two looked at each other and immediately walked out. When they saw the person coming, they were all taken aback.

Unexpectedly, it was Xia Zhaoshi.

Zhuang Jingyu didn't quite know what was going on, but Li Weizhe's face sank all of a sudden.

Li Yinan was standing in front of Xia Zhaoshi, refusing to give up an inch of land, fighting for every inch: "You can't go in. Why do you go in."

Xia Zhaoshi was full of hostility, no less than Li Yinan, his eyes were cold, his brows were ruthless, and he, who always pays attention to his image, even uttered swear words: "Go away." The volume was not loud, but his momentum was better.

But what he is facing at the moment is not a soft-hearted person.

"Get off? Huh──" Li Yinan seemed to be fooling around, but in reality he broke off his knuckles threateningly, with a crackling sound, and the voice was terrifying.Shrugging his shoulders, curling the corners of his mouth, "Sorry, I won't get out. And today, I just stopped you, what?"

Xia Zhaoshi squinted his eyes, smiled angrily, and calmly said, "Try it."

No one expected that Li Weizhe would suddenly walk up at this time, and replied Xia Zhaoshi's same three words expressionlessly:

"you try."

Before Xia Zhaoshi could react, and before everyone present could react, the next second, Li Weizhe's fist was full of strength, and with strong wind, it roared towards Xia Zhaoshi's face without any politeness.