paranoid dependence

Chapter 71 The Doctor

No one knows better than Shen Nian that this is not a good time to say that he likes it, but apart from this sentence, he really doesn't know what to use to keep stubbornness.

Gu Zhi was indeed called to stop by him, and after hearing the word "like", he froze in place, motionless like a statue, probably almost forgot how to breathe.

It wasn't until Shen Nian endured the pain in his abdomen and walked over to him that he looked over in a panic:

"you……"

"I like you." Knowing that he was doubting or not believing, Shen Nian said it again: "I don't want to be separated from you again, let you leave me again... Gu Zhi, we have been separated for eight years, and we have been separated for eight years. We’ve grown up, we can’t do anything about what we missed, but we still have a future, I don’t want to be fine alone, I think you’ll be fine too.”

Gu Zhi was still shocked by Shen Nian's confession, and Shen Nian stretched out his hand to hold him:

"If you don't want to talk about the previous things, I won't ask, and I won't force you, but don't leave, okay?"

Gu Zhi didn't respond, but his expression was a bit painful, as if he was pulling himself. Shen Nian didn't know what he was thinking, but his stomach was hurting, and he could hardly stand up. He wanted to take his hand and go back to the living room, but Gu Zhi Zhi Zhi withdrew his hand at this time, resolutely and without a trace of nostalgia, as if he was about to change his mind if he slowed down.

Shen Nian looked at him unexpectedly: "Brother Zhi..."

"I was almost fooled by Nian Nian." Gu Zhi didn't look at him, and smiled self-deprecatingly with his head down: "How could Nian Nian like me?"

"I don't, I really like..."

"Take good care of yourself." Gu Zhi didn't wait for Shen Nian to finish speaking, he opened the door and walked out, as if he couldn't help but stay after listening to it again, but what was he staying for?

At this moment, he finally understood why Shen Nian kept him firmly eight years ago, because he couldn't give him more, because he would only drag him down. Now, eight years later, when the roles were reversed, he became Shen Nian Only then did she understand Shen Nian's mood at that time.

Gu Zhi just didn't expect, didn't expect that after going around for eight years, he would make the same choice as Shen Nian did back then.

Essentially, they are really alike, a type of people.

When Shen Nian was chasing after him, Gu Zhi had long since disappeared. In order not to catch him, he didn't even take the elevator and ran directly from the safety stairs. Shen Nian endured the pain and took the elevator downstairs, trying to stop him, but when he reached the stairs, It was still a step late, the only silence in the whole community was the sound of the wind and the occasional raindrops falling from the eaves.

Gu Zhi left.

Again.

Shen Nian stood at the door of the unit for almost half an hour, and only walked back when his stomach no longer hurt. The elevator at 3 o'clock in the morning was empty and he was alone. He leaned tiredly, feeling lost and at the same time It's a bit unbelievable, at least he never thought that he would say he likes Gu Zhi under such a situation.

Like it?

like.

After obeying Shen Chongshan's last wish but still seeing hallucinations, Shen Nian realized in a ignorant way that his heart was not following Shen Chongshan's last wish, and he still violated it.

I don't know when I fell in love with him, maybe he likes every bit of it that he is used to, maybe he was already guilty when Shen Chongshan hinted at him for the first time, it was just the reason why he and Gu Zhi walked together and most of the People are different, so I took a coat of 'they are just accompanying each other' for granted.

I thought I had fooled everyone, and I had also fooled myself.

But everyone could see it from the beginning to the end, and only after he realized that they were separated did he fully wake up.

The pain after waking up was overwhelming, so he never let himself go in the past eight years, so even today he can still see Shen Chongshan from time to time.

Since the reunion, Shen Nian has been very nervous, especially Gu Zhi is no longer the appearance in memory, everything is measured, this once gave Shen Nian no chance to express his heart, and even wondered if Gu Zhi didn't like him anymore, or did he say The original liking was an illusion of being too young, but he was familiar with his own possessiveness.

But now that he took the initiative to say that he likes it, Gu Zhi doesn't believe it anymore.

Disappointed?In fact, it's okay, Shen Nian never thought that after saying that he likes him, he would be able to happily marry.Gu Zhi's state is also doomed to be impossible.

He knew that there was still a long way to go between them, the past of eight years, and Ningjia needed them to go through, he was not afraid of these, what he was afraid of was that Gu Zhi didn't want to be with him anymore.

He was also afraid that Gu Zhi would never appear again.

Gu Zhi really didn't show up again, this time even the phone was no longer in a state of not answering the call, but turned off the phone directly, Shen Nian searched the opposite building again but still found nothing, he regretted not following Gu Zhi Zhi took a look at where he lived, but looking back at the current situation, even if he knew, Gu Zhi might not still be where he was.

He might have left the city, maybe, maybe he won't come back.

Two days after Gu Zhi left, Liang Qiu came to the small town where Shen Nian lived, and knocked on the door of Shen Nian's house with familiarity, glanced at Shen Nian and looked behind him: "Where is he?"

"Let's go." Shen Nian turned and walked towards the living room, not surprised by his arrival, Liang Qiu followed in, looked around and did not see Gu Zhi's figure, then walked over and sat down next to Shen Nian: " What do you mean by gone?"

"Literally." Shen Nian pinched his brows wearily: "Probably won't come back."

"I don't understand." Liang Qiu said bluntly: "He came here, and seeing you now, you don't like it anymore. You think it was right to separate eight years ago, so you don't want to waste time here, so you left?"

Shen Nian looked at him with an expression of 'do you want to be so boring', Liang Qiu spread his hands innocently:

"So what's going on?"

Shen Nian searched for Gu Zhi for two days but failed to find him. He felt very uneasy and urgently needed someone to talk to. Liang Qiu was a good choice, but before he spoke, Liang Qiu interrupted him:

"Let's eat first. I thought I could see the reunion of the century when I came, so I was so anxious that I didn't even eat. Now that there are only stories left, I don't worry."

Shen Nian: "..."

There was no food left at home, even if there was Shen Nian, he didn't have the heart to make any more, so he went out with Liang Qiu, Shen Nian was looking around all the way, Liang Qiu saw it and said:

"I don't know why he left, but if he avoids you, do you think he will appear in front of you so easily for you to find? Did you find it after searching for a year a few years ago? Don't look, tell me later Say I'll give you an idea."

Shen Nian continued to watch as if he didn't hear it, but everyone was not Gu Zhi.

In the restaurant, Shen Nian had no appetite, so he didn't eat much. Liang Qiu originally thought that he was very hungry and could eat a lot, but after listening to Shen Nian's narration to Gu Zhi, he unconsciously put down the bowl and chopsticks, and was silent for a long time before laughing. :

"According to what you said, I really can't imagine that the little pervert back then has become like this."

"I never thought he would be like this." Shen Nian looked out the window: "When we were not separated before, I always felt that if Gu Zhi could be more rational and stop being so impulsive in everything, now he has become what I was looking forward to. That, but I’m not used to it, I think there’s nothing wrong with the little lunatic, at least I know what he’s thinking, whether he’s angry or happy, and now he’s hiding all his emotions, I can’t imagine that my original decision made him suffer What."

Liang Qiu looked at Shen Nian, hesitated for a moment and said, "I have a guess."

Shen Nian turned to look at him.

"You told me that Ning Jia couldn't accept that Gu Zhi became a homosexual who likes men, so is it possible that after Gu Zhi came back to her, she saw something and forcibly corrected him?"

Shen Nian frowned. It's not that he didn't have any speculation about it, but he never dared to think about it. He didn't want to believe that Gu Zhi really suffered from those things. In the past two years, so many schools about this aspect have been exposed by the news. What happened to those so-called students who needed to be corrected was only the tip of the iceberg, and the psychological damage was immeasurable.

It can totally destroy a person.

If Gu Zhi was really sent to that kind of place by Ning Jia, how should Shen Nian forgive himself?

He was the one who pushed Gu Zhi away with one hand, and he was the one who made Gu Zhi return to Ning Jia.

"No." Shen Nian said without confidence, as if trying to convince himself.

"Is there any other possibility?" Liang Qiu asked him, "I know you don't want to believe it, and I don't want to believe it, but aren't Gu Zhi's current behavior and reactions you told me about the same as those of the victims? There are those dreams he said, his hand trembling, he..."

Shen Nian got up directly from his seat, Liang Qiu stopped the next words in time.

He may not know that Shen Nian can't accept this, at least he can't accept that everything that Gu Zhi is doing now is caused by himself, it is no different from hearing the news of Shen Chongshan's death back then, it will also crush him.

But if all of this is true, then it is better to say it from your own mouth first and give him a vaccination, than to spread it out in front of him at the same time, and be caught off guard.

Shen Nian stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking at the busy traffic downstairs outside the window and didn't speak for a long time, and Liang Qiu didn't say anything else, Shen Nian could figure it out after going through so much.

"Liang Qiu..." Shen Nian finally spoke out after a long silence: "If, if our guess is correct, how can I atone for my crime? Do I still have the right to stand by his side?"

His appearance may be a kind of harm to Gu Zhi.

Liang Qiu got up and walked in front of him. It was no surprise that he almost confessed that he liked Gu Zhi. After so many years, Liang Qiu had already seen it clearly. He patted Shen Nian on the shoulder and sighed slightly. :

"Xiao Nian, why do you think Gu Zhi still appears by your side after going through so much?"

Shen Nian was silent and did not speak.

"I was really worried at the beginning that he would take revenge on you. After all, that is the kind of stubbornness I know that must be vengeful." Liang Qiu said, "But he didn't. He occasionally loses control but still misses you. Want to be by your side, otherwise why do you come here? For a person who doesn't care, there is no need to take a look. The reason why he evades and dodges may be that he still has concerns now, but you can have stubbornness, but you can't have it anymore. "

"You have to pull him, just like he pulled you back then."

Shen Nian also wanted to hold Gu Zhi's back, in order to hold him back, he even said he liked him.

But Gu Zhi let him go.

On the way back to the community from the hotel, Shen Nian was still thinking uneasy, almost bumped into him while walking, Liang Qiu pulled him several times beside him.

"Don't worry too." Liang Qiu and Shen Nian entered the community side by side: "He is so reluctant that you won't leave, maybe it's because of what happened that night that he can't forgive himself for the time being, maybe it will be fine in two days .”

Of course, Shen Nian also hoped that things would develop as Liang Qiu thought, but secretly he felt that Gu Zhi would not come back, at least in a short time.

Shen Nian stopped in her tracks, Liang Qiu took two steps forward before realizing it, and turned to look at him:

"what happened?"

"I'll go check the surveillance." After saying that, Shen Nian turned and went to the guard room.

The surveillance was quickly adjusted that night, but the surveillance showed that after Gu Zhi came out of the apartment building, he did not go to any other apartment buildings, but left the community directly and never came back.

There is no other redundant information on the surveillance side, and the two of them thanked each other and walked back. Liang Qiu endured and endured, but still couldn't hold back, and asked aloud:

"What happened to Gu Zhi's hair?"

Shen Nian was startled for a moment, then said softly: "He said it was dyed, but I don't believe it."

"How to say?"

"It's been more than half a month since we met, and the roots of my hair are still white." Shen Nian had noticed it a long time ago, but he never dared to ask Gu Zhi, fearing that it would become a new pressure on him, but he didn't understand, and he didn't dare to think about it. , What kind of thing can make a person turn white.

Liang Qiu seemed to know what Shen Nian was thinking, so he didn't continue this topic, and patted him on the shoulder to comfort him silently.

The two of them walked home without saying a word, but saw a man looking around at the door of the unit building as if he was looking for something, and when he sensed someone, he looked towards this side, Shen Nian and his The eyes met and then staggered, and they ignored it. They went straight to open the door of the apartment building, but unexpectedly, the stranger behind him said:

"Shen Nian?"

Shen Nian stopped and looked back at him, Liang Qiu also turned his head, looking at the man in his early 30s, with a gentle appearance a bit like a teacher, Liang Qiu thought it was Shen Nian's school colleague.

"Know?" Liang Qiu asked.

Shen Nian shook his head: "I don't know."

"Hello." The man seemed to see Shen Nian's doubts, and introduced himself: "I'm Chen Jingzhi, Gu Zhi's psychiatrist."