our town

Chapter 45 Happiness

After I came back, I made an appointment with Xiao Yan, Xiao Yan was very happy, saying that I rarely take the initiative to ask him out.His work is not progressing very well recently, I comforted him a few words, I would not say comforting words, I was at a loss when others were sad.Maybe at this time I realized that I actually care about Xiao Yan.It is a bit embarrassing to withdraw money at this sad moment, I plan to save it slowly and then return it to him.

I took him to eat at a food stall in the pedestrian street night market, a husband and wife business, the man cooks vegetables, and the woman collects money to wash dishes.The dishes are very cheap, and the portion is not much, but the rare authentic taste, it tastes very delicious, Xiao Yan said that he has not eaten so happily for a long time, I teased him: "Then I will often accompany you to eat in the future."

Unexpectedly, the word became a prophecy, and I actually accompanied him many times in the future.

The night market here doesn't have so many people. Compared with the heavy makeup in Y City, there are more pajamas and slippers. Many people who are too lazy to change their clothes at home are dragged by their girlfriends to go shopping.

I took a fancy to a cartoon doll, small and exquisite, and beautifully made.Hold it in your hand and observe it repeatedly.Xiao Yan saw that I liked it and advised me to buy it, but I shook my head.

30 yuan, after all, too expensive.

After walking for a while, Xiao Yan went to the toilet.I sat on the side of the road and waited for him. When Xiao Yan came back, he was holding the doll in his hand.

"Seeing that you like it, I can't help but give it to you."

……

Xiao Yan's side face under the street lamp is soft and docile, like a feather in a duvet, light and fluffy, touching your heart.

This feeling is so beautiful, I want to reach out and touch it so beautifully, to see if this person is real, or if I just imagined it in the insecure love of Sambo.

I did it when I thought about it, I stretched out my hand, wanting to touch his face, but I felt it was inappropriate, so I switched to my finger and poked his skin, Xiao Yan was surprised?He grabbed my hand and said, "what's the matter."

My hand was held hard by him, but I didn't take it back.

I was incoherent: "I think your skin is very good, and I want to try it."

Xiao Yan was surprised again.

He seemed to see through me and smiled without saying a word.

His hands were a little sweaty, and the weather was slightly cold, which shouldn't be the case.

I know it's stressful.

His hand was disturbed by the passing pedestrians, Xiao Yan finally let go of his clenched grip.The moment I was released, I lost my original temperature, sweating and cold wind, but a little cold.

"It's cold." I said again insincerely.

"Then go back." Xiao Yan smiled at me.

We followed suit, walking on the somewhat cool street.

The good students who should study in the school are still studying, and the students who are not studying hard are still not studying well.The teacher no longer forces us to watch cartoons two hundred times.The rest are the problems to be faced after graduation.

I still play basketball now and then, and the two abdominal muscles that I managed to train last semester have become one. When I pinch them, they are not hard.

The food street next to the school is still crowded with people, and will not be slowed down by your emotional sadness.

I was sitting in front of the stall of beef fans, thinking that when I first started school, I was still so innocent. I simply thought that as long as I worked hard to finish college, I would become different, have a new life, and stay away from my family. Will go to the big city to do everything.

I didn't expect it to be only four years, things have changed, I learned to enter the casino, learned to be high, learned to fight, and learned to be hysterical.

When you meet love, you are not very satisfied, but when you have experience, it is difficult to be elegant.

I looked at the young students who had just entered the school, and their faces had the same radiance as mine, full of beauty and anticipation.

The taste of beef vermicelli has not changed at all, perhaps not for more than ten years, and it has become only those of us who eat vermicelli.

It’s rare for me to think about life. When I was young, the meaning of life was to hope that my parents would not quarrel. At the beginning, I met Sambo again.

God seems to have made a joke for me, there are always so many levels to break through, but never tell me the answer, let me look for experience in the blood.

Wu Le started to have fun again, and I knew he was staring at the proprietress of the clothing store.Wu Le, who is so hardworking, may succeed in no time.

I smiled wryly for Muzi.

The weather is getting colder and colder. Since Sambo got better, I no longer worry about gains and losses. I give him respect and space, and make a phone call every two or three days. We all feel that the years are quiet and good.This beautiful state makes me feel that this is eternity.

I want to start going to and from school alone. I have never worked so hard. I never miss a class. I occasionally get lost in class. Everything else is fine.I would walk home after school, four stops, neither far nor near.

I will pass a big supermarket in the middle, and occasionally go in to buy some vegetables and eggs.

It's getting colder, I'm wearing a thick coat, and I'm getting more and more lonely on the way back from school recently.Erhei came here frequently again recently, and chatted with me whenever he got the chance.

He said that he and his wife met naturally and fell in love naturally.There is no money to get married, and the woman is willing.The two of them go to the casino together and go home together.After having a child, his wife changed.The reason is that the woman has to take care of the children at home, and the man has to go to the casino to make a living. The two of them are going in and out together less and less, which makes the woman have a daydream and start calling and texting constantly.From a few phone calls a day at the beginning, to the man who took the initiative to call as soon as he came out in the end, the woman was still not satisfied, and always felt that there was someone outside him, and at the end of the quarrel, no one would let anyone else.The two parties live separately, and the children are brought to the parents.

I heard him tell his own story. At the beginning when the two young people couldn't trust each other, they didn't take the opportunity to have a deep talk, which made the conflict more and more escalated. Isn't this a common problem of contemporary young people? Argue hard.Things that can obviously be solved have to hurt both sides.

Don't blame them, blame the youth.

Being young means that there are many things you don't understand, and when you understand, you are no longer young.

That's why there are eight sufferings in life: birth, old age, sickness, death, not getting what you want, meeting with hatred and hatred, parting from love, and the prosperity of the five yins.

Every suffering is a change beyond the reach of human beings.Human beings are too small, but love is too great.

Only eminent monks can calmly face the trifles of life and separate love and hate.We are not eminent monks, we can only try all kinds of hardships.

We are deeply involved, we have mixed tastes, and we enjoy it.

Scientists use dopamine to explain love, saying that the dopamine produced by love will make people happy. If you try this kind of happiness of love and then lose it, you will be in great pain, sleepless at night, tossing and turning, and asking for nothing. .

I have tasted dopamine, and I have also tasted hormones. If dopamine is like a drug, which makes it difficult to quit, then hormones are like youth, bright, restless, must have.

I think of my love with Sambo, is it not one of the various states of life, encounter, fit, do not understand, quarrel, tame, ignorant, growth, enlightenment, separation.

Youth is spent in these eighteen characters.

God uses his own way to teach us to grow with pain. We are deeply hurt and have vivid memories.

Whose youth is not bloody, I am glad that I met Sanbao and Wu Le when I was young, and let me experience another world in my ordinary life. This world is dark, untouchable, and precarious in the eyes of outsiders. But I was stuck in it, anxious and contented.

I don't regret my sexual orientation. In my opinion, there is only one orientation in the world, and that is what the heart wants.

As long as you love, no matter whether the other person is a human or a ghost, a god or a demon, even mountains, rivers, birds and beasts, rare treasures, as long as your heart desires, the other person is the treasure in your palm.

Sambo is right, and so am I.It's just that the mistakes are too bloody, the mistakes are too realistic, the mistakes are too ignorant, and the mistakes are too young, but as long as we can be more stable and mature, we will not confront each other and hold each other back.

Sambo thought that controlling me was love, and I thought being controlled by him was love.

Unexpectedly, this is the stupidest love in the world. It is based on the condition that the economic foundations of both parties are not satisfied, the three views are not formed, the love is ignorant, and there is no love. On the condition of not letting go in the future.We bind each other and restrict each other. It seems that we are getting closer, but in fact we are getting farther and farther.

We are still immersed in this, unable to extricate ourselves.

We are still fantasizing naively, not darkening the facts.

We are still the years are quiet, do not fight or grab

We are still talking and laughing, the future can be expected

Little did he know that all the appearances had been cracked all over the ground, and the remaining silk threads were like meridians, which could be easily broken when pulled.We keep in touch with each other, laughing and looking forward to the future.We struggle with reality, thinking that we are.We hug each other and think this is true love, we talk on the phone and think this is the future.

The humbleness of our love, the fierceness of love, the brokenness of love, the bone-cutting of love.

When I was a child, I watched my parents quarrel and my father always beat my mother. At that time, I was thinking that when I grow up, I will be a good husband and never bully women.But the heartbreak in my childhood finally brought me a shadow. Not only would I not bully women, but I was also very afraid, and I stayed away from women.

Crying about being slapped drenched my nerves, every thread and every thread looped in fear, and waking up in the middle of the night was forever a parental argument, endless.

Even though such nightmares ran through my childhood, I was deeply afraid of men's violent rage, and I was attracted to the most terrifying Murphy's law in the dark, what I think will happen.

Forced and crying is the most unacceptable state for me. I scoff at it from the bottom of my heart and feel anxious.After years of rejection, it took root and sprouted in my heart.When I looked back, the roots had already taken out the leaves and grown into a big tree of Cen Tian.I was under the tree, wandering, lingering.While hating, while loving.

It is said that a son inherits more genes from his mother. I not only inherited my mother's genes, but also her life. If my mother was braver when she was young, I would not fall for it.

Influenced by my mother, I was restricted and imprisoned. While longing for love, I built a cage for myself.

I became a mirror image of my mother.A prisoner of love who wants to fly but cannot fly far.

I don’t know if it’s because of the tossing and turning when I was a child that made me yearn for a strong opposite sex around me. Over time, the opposite sex became the same sex, and the strong became scary.

I suspect that there is a natural masochistic factor in my body, otherwise how could I be beaten more and more by the three treasures.

Is it love?I think deeply.

Is it hate?There are also.

Is it the rare care in childhood?

Is it the maternal love that the mother did not get?

Or the sense of security without love when you are up and down?

Or is it lonely with nothing to do?

I just want to have one thing, and he happens to be called Sambo.

That's all, the time is up, you have come, you have caught up, that year I was just young and needed love.

You happened to be ignorant that year, and you met me by chance.

Two restless souls unite in the world, explain all kinds of love and hate, and parting in life and suffering with entanglement to death.

God doesn't say whether he is optimistic about us, but just throws us a bunch of puzzles for us to solve by ourselves.

We couldn't solve it, so we fought, just like all young couples, quarreling, fighting, crying, and getting back together.

God threw another problem, and we went to solve it again, quarreling, fighting, crying, and getting back together again.

After we have continued for several times, we will think about why it is like this. We hate God, but God just laughs and laughs without saying a word. He has seen too much, and you can understand the rest yourself.

God is right, we grow up in quarrels, get confused in reunion, think in fights, and get enlightened in tears.

When we think for a long time and accumulate a lot of emotions, we suddenly understand that God loves us, and he teaches us what love is in his own way.

This method is unique and ruthless. The heart is broken into slag, and the love is broken into powder. The extreme pain is exchanged for the ultimate love. Only the youth after the bone cutting can understand the hard-won relationship.Only the life after sadness can cherish the life within reach.

It turns out that happiness is so far away, it only exists in my heart.

It turns out that happiness is so close, the closest is in your ear.

Only after the wind and rain have passed can we understand the true meaning of life. Life is a glass of milk, a breakfast, a nagging when someone wakes you up, and an exhortation when someone complains when you sleep late.

Happiness is not when someone asks you how warm your porridge is, but when you are exhausted and wash your hands to make soup.

Happiness is not someone standing with you at dusk, but each achieves. I wish you a bright future.

Happiness is not a dish, it is a bowl of white rice that you will never tire of eating.

Happiness is not a dessert, it is a northern steamed bun, which can be matched with everything.

Happiness is not a luxurious gift, it is a coat in cool autumn, someone takes it out and puts it on for you.

Happiness is not big fish and big meat, but a cup of tea after a meal, listening to your whispers.

Happiness is not strong love, but when you look back, he will always be there.

Happiness is not me and Three Treasures, but my obstinate attachment and the beauty I think.

Happiness is not a university, it is the starting point of my fantasy, but it has gone off course.

Happiness is not my mother, that is my rare warmth, she only left it to youth.

Happiness is not a father, he is cruel to himself and hurts others.

Happiness is in the autumn of H City, it has light and hope, it allows me to see a glimmer of light, I try to find it, I try to pursue it, it is my heart's longing.

I thought that after autumn, spring would not be far away.

I forgot winter, it came early...

The author has something to say: I actually wrote this chapter into prose, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh