my neighbors

Chapter 33

Thoughts I didn't tell anyone.

I think if this goes on, I can stay by Si Mu's side for the rest of my life, and just keep silent about any topics related to "leaving".

But there will always be something that breaks the ordinary.After studying hard, my cooking skills finally improved a lot, so I took the initiative to undertake the task of delivering meals when Si Mu was on duty.Si Mu also just turned a blind eye to the food I made, and didn't dislike it, but he didn't like it too much either.This indifferent attitude makes me a little angry, but I have no reason to get angry at him, because this Si Mu is no longer the same as before.Although nothing was shown on the surface, suspicion and suspicion slowly grew and expanded in my heart, slowly eroding my reason.

And the outbreak happened at that noon.I delivered lunch to Si Mu as usual, and went to his office familiarly.But by accident, I saw a nurse lying in Si Mu's arms, that limp appearance was completely a classic scene of a bloody romance drama, and I was the tragic heroine who caught the male lead's heart.

"...I seem to be bothering you." I glanced at Si Mu's hand on the nurse's waist, and my jealousy and unhappiness swelled rapidly.Si Mu casually let go of the nurse, and said to her, "Are you okay?" The nurse shook her head with a flushed face, and ran out of the office as if fleeing.I put the lunch box heavily on his desk, and with a stiff smile: "This is today's portion."

Si Mu stared at me and said, "Lin Feng."

"I've contacted the school for you, and you can enroll in September. Your mother still has a little money left from selling the house, which is enough for you to finish college. After you go to college, you can live in accommodation, and you don't need to send me meals. .”

"Don't think you owe me."

What's the meaning? !I slowly clenched my fists, the pain made me maintain the last sliver of reason: "I don't feel that I owe you anything, I..."

He glanced at me lightly, no different from before: "Lin Feng, this is good for everyone."

"Be nice to everyone?!" The last rationality suddenly broke, I rushed up and grabbed his collar, "What do you mean? Because you fell in love with that nurse? Do you think I'm an eyesore? So anxious Are you trying to drive me away?" Si Mu's face was still icy and snowy: "Lin Feng...you're thinking too much, calm down first."

My hands are trembling. The person in front of me, he once said that he likes me... That's all, that's just my imagination. In reality, this Si Mu won't like me after all, he doesn't belong to me after all, so he got married and had children I have no right to intervene in a relationship.

I slowly broke into a smile, regardless of whether he was stiff or not, or whether he was surprised: "...I'm sorry, I was too excited, don't blame me."

"Lin Feng..." He looked at me with complicated eyes, wanted to say something, but didn't say it.

I think this must be the biggest smile I've ever had in my life: "Thank you, I'll go by myself."

Without waiting for any reaction from him, without waiting for him to answer anything, I ran away.Outside the door was a gloomy sky, leaden clouds that never disappeared from above the city.Except for the day when Si Mu picked me up, the warm sunshine:

——It has become a treasure in my memory again.

I don't know how I got to the supermarket, anyway, after buying a lot of white wine and red wine, I stumbled back to Si Mu's house by instinct.

"Where are you going?" Si Mu asked almost immediately after hearing me open the door, and then I saw him come out of the room in a hurry without changing his doctor's uniform. This seemed to be the first time I saw him in such a hurry in reality look.

I shook the shopping bag in my hand: "I've already decided to go, how about a drink?"

Si Mu pursed his lips tightly, and I took it as his acquiescence, took off his shoes and closed the door, and kept covering up his guilt with words: "It's okay, I didn't say that we will not be friends from now on, how can this be so?" My friend? I mean I don’t want to bother you anymore, and I’m too embarrassed to interfere in your life. I’m a little excited this morning. That’s the inherent possessive desire among friends, haha, don’t worry about it.”

Looking at Si Mu's frown, it took me a long time to squeeze out a sad smile: "Don't be unhappy. Thank you for all these years. Although it's a bit hypocritical to say this now, I really mean it."

Si Mu pressed my hand holding the corkscrew: "Lin Feng, something is wrong with you today."

"What's wrong?" I put his hand away without any trace, trying not to let the sourness in my heart show on my face, "I'm quite normal today, you are an occupational disease as a doctor."

After I finished speaking, I just pried open a bottle of red wine and took a sip like a can of beer.The sweet taste permeates between the lips and teeth, and there is also the spicy wine that cannot be ignored, as if it can drive away all the cold.

I immediately fell in love with this taste, and smiled at Si Mu: "This is really delicious."

Si Mu snatched the wine bottle from my hand: "Don't drink too much."

I felt that the wine was not strong, so I opened another bottle to reassure Si Mu: "Don't worry, I'm not that fragile, and I'm not that easy to get drunk."

How could I, who had been in a coma for six years, know that the stamina of red wine is very powerful. At this time, I just wanted to drink away my sorrows, but I toasted to relieve my sorrows.Si Mu frowned, didn't stop me, but became very bold, and also raised his head and took a sip.

I don't know why he suddenly changed his attitude and took another two big gulps.Flushing slowly climbed up his cheeks, as if he was about to burn.

I know that this is probably the last time Si Mu and I sit face to face like this.It's time to give up, Lin Feng.I laughed at myself a few times, and suddenly jumped off the chair like I was going crazy, and approached Simu step by step, my steps were a little light.

I never knew I was so bold, I bent down and swayed to Si Mu's side: "Si Mu..."

The moment I held onto his shoulders and met his cold eyes, my eyes were sore, my whole body convulsed in pain, and tears fell without warning.

I heard myself say, "I like you the most."

Then all the words I was going to say later were stuck in my throat, I just grabbed his shoulder like this, my fingers tightened.I never dreamed that there would be a day when I didn't dare to touch that man, so in this posture, I cried out suppressed in front of another man.The content and reason of crying are all related to this man.

my story ([-])

"Don't go...don't go..." I couldn't control my tears and crying, my head was in a mess, "I've worked very hard...I...I know you must like girls, Obviously I have... worked hard... trying not to make you hate..."

Si Mu didn't speak, and seeing him treat me like this, I almost couldn't stand up from crying: "I...I know I'm disgusting, and...I also know that you and the person in my mind are not the same... But—but I—just—like... No matter how indifferent you are to me—I—I also like it. Even if you don’t—have any feelings for me—even if I deceive myself all my life—I— Don't-hate me...don't-don't go...if you go-I-I might as well go back to the subconscious and be a fool for the rest of my life..."

I was blowing my nose desperately, and my face was a little sore from crying.The numbing effect of the alcohol was even more pronounced when I was crying, throwing my brain into a tangled mess.All the strength in my body was exhausted, and my calves started to tremble. The last sliver of faith kept me from falling down. If I threw myself into Simu's arms, he would absolutely hate me.

next second.Si Mu suddenly pulled my collar and kissed me brutally.I couldn't see his face clearly, I could only smell the faint smell of medicine, which belonged to Si Mu and this person.

Whether in the subconscious or now, Si Mu and I have never kissed so rudely before.His tongue unscrupulously pried open my lips, stirring wantonly in my mouth.His teeth bit my lip, and the smell of blood filled the whole mouth in an instant.

After the kiss was over, I lost the strength to support my whole body, and directly bumped into Si Mu's arms.

What's the meaning? !What's the meaning? ! !I couldn't think at all, both body and mind were weirdly stuck in the present moment.

"You—don't love me—why—?" I bit my own tongue when I spoke, and a few fresh tears fell from the pain.

I couldn't refute what Si Mu said: "Why do you think I don't love you?"

I panicked and wanted to push him away, but was clamped even tighter: "That—that's because——" Because everything was in my imagination, I fell in love with the Simu in my subconscious mind, thinking that Simu was also He will like himself, so - that Si Mu will like himself.That's the logic.

He continued to ask: "Have I ever said that I don't like you?"

No, this Si Mu has never said that he doesn't like him.It was also my imagination to think that Si Mu didn't like me.

"Then—that nurse today—" I held back the pain on my tongue, and asked to understand.

"She slipped and fell while delivering the documents to me and I gave her a hand."

Could it be that the nurse blushed because Si Mufu's position was rather ambiguous and her face was pretty?This also seems to make sense.I continued to stammer and ask, "No—so, what's the matter with me going to the university dormitory?—What's the matter with being nice to everyone?"

He lowered his head to look at me, his eyes slowly revealing the familiar