must be so

Chapter 4 Coptidis

After entering junior high school, Luo Jian subsidized and rented a house near the school, took his mother to take care of him, and solved the problem that had plagued Lin Haotian for a long time.Lin Haotian was very grateful and wrote an IOU with a huge amount, which was far higher than Luo Jian's subsidy amount.He also signed on it solemnly and pressed the red handprint.

Luo Jian asked him what happened to the extra money?Lin Haotian said seriously that it was alimony.It's hard for Luo Jian to pass his thirties, and he is used to being serious on weekdays, and tears are about to come out when he laughs at this remark.

Luo Jian asked him, "What do you think?"

Lin Haotian said very piously: "I don't have a father, Mr. Luo treats me like a father. I can't be sorry for Mr. Luo's support, and I can't be ungrateful. Haotian doesn't have anything now, but in the future, he will definitely give Mr. Luo everything he has. , When Mr. Luo is old, I will treat you like my mother. Mr. Luo, you can take it, I really don’t know how to thank you. "

Luo Jian didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so he had no choice but to agree, holding this illegal IOU and pressing it in the deepest part of the drawer, feeling as if he had received a deed of prostitution.Of course, he didn't realize at that time how extraordinary the significance of this deed was.

Even with Luo Jian's support, Lin Haotian's life is still in dire straits. However, being in a difficult living environment for a long time has made him mature a lot compared to his peers. This has already begun to show in elementary school.

He has been in junior high school for a whole year, and he has developed a regular rhythm of life. He gets up at 05:30 in the morning, prepares breakfast and leaves it in the pot, arrives at school before 07 o'clock for morning reading, and rushes back after morning reading at 30:08 Wash and feed my mother at home, and rush back to school at 30:08.There is plenty of time at noon. If you are lucky, Lin Haotian can take a nap. If your mother is not in a good mood, you must be prepared to listen to the Sonata of Pots, Bowls and Pans with a soprano.Lunch was selectively ignored until 30:[-] in the evening for self-study, and Lin Haotian went back to eat together.At eleven o'clock in the evening, turn off the lights on time.

Of course, the time cannot always be accurate. If my mother wanted to sing in the middle of the night, it would be difficult for Lin Haotian to go door-to-door to apologize, or Lin Haotian would suddenly be attacked by unknown objects while doing things. on his back, almost scalding him.Life is full of uncertainties.However, Lin Haotian's firmness made the suffering of life fade in front of him.

In the first year of junior high school, Lin Haotian saved two semesters of stipends, plus a small amount of money he earned from doing odd jobs in the workshop, and made up less than two thousand. Before the second year of junior high school, Lin Haotian took his mother to the psychiatric hospital in the next county. After a week, the money disappeared quickly, but fortunately, under the large dose of diazepam, his mother's sharp emotions were under control, and Lin Haotian was very happy for this for a long time.It was as if I saw another dawn in my life.

Of course, what he thought was the dawn was like a return to light.

Winter is a difficult season for all life.

Immediately after the beginning of winter, there was a heavy snowfall, and it didn't clear up for three consecutive days.In winter, the school schedule is changed, and students come to self-study at seven o'clock.Lin Haotian got up every morning to light the stove, woke up his mother, went to school after dinner, and came back at noon.

This day was the same as usual, Lin Haotian packed everything as usual, and put a lot of coal in the stove before leaving.The joint of the chimney was a little loose, and last night saw some slight smoke falling, Lin Haotian was still thinking about re-sealing it with some yellow mud when he came back at noon.Time was running short in the morning, Lin Haotian had no time to think, so he ran to class first.

Until twelve o'clock at noon, Lin Haotian didn't notice anything.He ran home, and the house was quiet.Lin Haotian took the key to open the door, but when he pushed in, there was something blocking it. He just piled the chairs behind the door as his mother was ill again, and pushed hard.

The door was pushed open a crack, and a pungent sulfur smell came out.

"Boom"

The barrier behind the door was pushed back vigorously, and fell to the ground with a muffled sound.

The wooden door then pushed open smoothly.

Lin Haotian saw the nightmare.

With a tightly closed mouth, curled fingers, disheveled hair, and a bloated cotton coat with white cotton wool exposed, he lay down on the uneven ground in large characters.

The body is already stiff.

She must have knocked on doors and windows at the top of her lungs, but no one realized she was on the verge of death.Carbon monoxide overflowed slowly from the gap between the chimney and the stove, and the dead gas occupied the confined space bit by bit, invaded her organs, entered the alveoli, pretended to be oxygen and combined with hemoglobin, and roamed wantonly in the body.She will feel that her body is getting heavier and harder, and she will gradually lose consciousness in the struggle.

The suffering and torture the body endured in the world came to an end, and the pure and white soul waved its wings and flew to heaven.

For a long time, Lin Haotian didn't dare to recall the scene at that time, but that picture was like the trace left by melting the solder on the iron plate with an electric torch, and it was integrated with his youthful memory, indelible.Unless you destroy yourself.

2011. 11, 23

My mother is gone, I can never forgive myself, if God you really exist, please take me away.

The author has something to say:

Probably harder than bearing pain is bearing nothingness.