sinovels Chapter 18
Chapter 18
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Sincerely, Mr. Sogo Aisaka,
Zhanxin is safe.
I hesitated for a long time, whether this letter is addressed to you or Mr. Huan.After much deliberation, I finally wrote your name on the letterhead.Of course, it's also my own name.Here, I will omit all the greetings in the season; I know I am rude, and I hope you will not blame me.
I also tried to imagine where you are and what you are doing when you receive this letter.Families I know have sent money through trust administrators for their children or hidden family members, including gold bars, land deeds, and even DNA certificates; these transfers often bring huge waves to the lives of the recipients, Either good or bad.Thinking about the two years between you and me, it is not too long; but looking back, every time I live now is completely different from two years ago, and it is definitely not what I was two years ago. Dare to imagine.
I don't dare to speak out about a future that is too extravagant, and I never dare to make too perfect wishes at the beginning of the new year.Thinking about you two years later, if you can still do music-related work, play the guitar and sing harmony under the lights on the side of the stage, I will already feel satisfied.
At worst, it was nothing more than going back to my father; I was sent to the United States to study first, and then I worked in the branch office in Osaka for a few years.Many families I know have cultivated excellent heirs according to the most efficient path.Although I have no talent, I may not be called unfortunate.Even if you look at it to the end after that, it can be regarded as a life that everyone admires.
Sincerely.I have never been able to judge myself how unsatisfied I really am.Others often say that I don't know how many lifetimes of blessings I have cultivated before I was reincarnated in the Fengsaka family as the only son; but when I think of the villa of my family, even if it is just the outline of the house, I feel my whole body freezes.
On the day I left the dormitory and planned to disappear forever, I thought about everything, as if I had already lived the future in advance.Behind me is the opening of the show, the release of the new song is postponed indefinitely, the manager apologizes from morning to night, the dormitory is dead silent, and I will never forgive my companion again as I sit silently.When I got home, I was surrounded by servants who were chattering, and in front of me were my father and mother with cold eyes.Without anyone telling me, I'd also get rid of the piano and guitar myself.I won't be able to face my betrayal; I won't be able to face my own vulnerability that will break down just one look back.
I am so sorry that I willfully presented these base and painful fantasies to you.But recording these feelings is also one of the purposes of this letter.
Maybe you haven't forgotten yet?In those few hours, I have spent decades in fantasy, but when I opened my eyes, I found that the sky was still dark.The streetlights were pale, but everywhere else was dark and silent, and the birds on the wires stood side by side, silhouetted like shadows.Lu Jun's clear and innocent singing voice sang in my head unsuspectingly; but I could only squat down, with a splitting headache.
In the dark, I seemed to see Mr. Huan squatting in front of me, reaching out to touch my shoulder, and asking if I was crying.He was overwhelmed and he said sorry.But he didn't know that at that moment, this was the word that caused me the most pain.Such a stiff back bent for me, for something he never made a mistake and never needed to apologize for, and he never held a grudge against me, he—
I can't think about it.I don't know how I answered my sister's phone, I didn't seem to hear the ringtone.It was she who anxiously called my name one after another, and finally brought me back to my senses.
That's right—this is me who is ineffective, and I always rely on someone to save me.Sister Li is really like Mr. Huan. She is passionate and impulsive. She doesn't even care about the time in the middle of the night. She asks me over and over again whether Mr. Huan has suffered any grievances.I could only comfort her, saying, please don't worry, it's okay; on the other hand, my heart was clear: I was his biggest grievance.
Before I put down the phone, I had already made my decision.
Sister Daniel's last exhortation cut my heart.Brother Huan is straightforward and reckless, please take good care of him.That's what she said, maybe she didn't notice that I was obedient, and didn't even dare to answer a clear word.
It was six o'clock suddenly, and the sky turned from black to gray, as if it happened in an instant.I will probably always remember the way the sky gradually brightened that day, and the slight discontinuous ringing of the bell in my ear.I forced myself to stop thinking about anything, but I went around and went back to the dormitory downstairs.
Maybe it's Sister Li's entrustment to keep me, or maybe it's somewhere, Mr. Huan, my companions, everyone is trying to keep me.Without this last sliver of retention, I would have forever missed Huan Jun rushing out of the house, at dawn, and returning to darkness with determination.
How should I thank him?
Since he gave this wrong love, I have been seeing my own cowardice in his eyes.I'm a grown-up, I remind myself; I cheer myself up, but it doesn't mean much—I'm always worthless.
But Mr. Kujo's advice is undoubtedly correct.Even if I am so ineffective, I can still sacrifice myself in the end.My father is arrogant, and he will not allow his arrogance to be collided. I should have understood this earlier.If I were to go back to my father again, prostrate myself, completely deny myself, and admit my mistakes, there might not be any room for improvement.As long as Mr. Huan hopes that there will be MEZZO in the world, I am willing to work with him to protect his persistence—even if it is only for him, I will bear all this.
Before that episode of the titled program started, I had planned this way.
But you also know that publicly saying "Please take care of MEZZO in the future" in the program will undoubtedly touch the bottom line strictly set by the father, which is tantamount to another challenge, which will make the firm, everyone and the environment Jun’s hard work has been ruined. Until now, many days have passed, and I still can’t sleep at night, waiting for the storm that is about to hit my face. My father is not willing to let it go, he is just waiting for a better opportunity ...
I am still flustered and apprehensive, but I no longer regret what I have done.
What cheered me up was Mr. Huan in the end, what he tried his best to convey to me——
He wanted to tell me that I had never been selfish.
He said, I didn't think too little about him, but too much.
Does he... really think so?
Is that how he looks at me?
At the moment when I was surprised and excited, and I couldn't speak, I found that I was still vaguely thinking in my heart——
Did he see what I did?
I thought I would sing on stage out of selfish desires, but if it hadn’t been for my uncle’s funeral, I would never have left home in anger and walked on the road I am today.And if it wasn't for my father treating Mr. Huan unfairly, I would definitely not rush forward so impulsively——
If only I had to pay the price, I probably would have compromised long ago.
Anger is no longer an unattainable fruit; and tears seem to be less difficult.
I, who is so incompetent, have one or two things that are worth pointing out.There are actually one or two people who are willing to reward me, and are even willing to entrust important matters to me to make decisions.
Mr. Huan usually says that I act in extreme ways, but I actually don't understand what he really means.But looking back today, in my short 21 years of life, there were indeed a few times when I completely forgot myself and put all my eggs in one basket; and it was never everyone who brought me to that point—it was never just anyone.
Is uncle smiling at me?I picture him sitting at the piano, in the middle of the three-walled record cabinet, waiting for me to strike the next note.After my uncle passed away, I regretted countless times that I didn't help him during his lifetime; even, I, who was always in material prosperity, never really realized that he, who was also named Fengsaka, would be in such a poor situation.
And even though I am so stupid and selfish, I can't doubt my uncle's kindness and generosity.I closed my eyes, and his gentle face was in front of me. He never blamed me for a word.
Uncle is my guide.It has been from the beginning and always will be.
Not only to fulfill oneself... but also to protect others.
Although I am so weak, I also yearn to be strong.After today, maybe the mansion will collapse and the mountains will crack; maybe cowardice will occupy me again, and the thought of fleeing will blind my eyes again.
And it is for this reason that I have decided to write to you.No matter where you are now, whether you have started a new life or not, please think back to this moment—this moment, while my fingertips are trembling, and my heart is full of blood; no matter what, please remember ——You can’t fall down——Huan Jun asked you a question, and you still owe him an answer.
If he still waits;—
As long as he is waiting: you must answer him.
Ah, maybe he will know soon after I leave this letter in the deposit box?
Thinking of this, I am a little embarrassed, but thinking about it, this may not be impossible.
If Mr. Huan is still by your side, please show him this letter.I hope that by then, you will have enough... the courage you always yearn for.
I think you must have it: because now, before I put down my pen, I seem to have felt the warmth of courage.
Sincerely, Sogo Aisaka