he is beautiful

Chapter 17

He turned his head to look at me, his face was strangely pale, and he asked me: "What did you say?"

"You told me before that the best memories of your childhood were when your brother carried you home, cooked with you, and played wildly with you behind his back; but the scariest memory was hiding behind the door Watching my brother and his parents quarreling, watching my father beat my brother's back to pieces with a wooden stick."

Yuan Sheng took two steps back and leaned against the wall. I found a pack of cigarettes from under the overturned coffee table, lit one and took a few puffs before I said, "When you were young, the thing that scared you the most was the day when your relatives cut your flesh." Seeing the bloody rupture, but when you grow up, what makes you feel the most pain is that you were at that time, only daring to hide behind the crack of the door cowardly."

I leaned against the door frame, the cigarette hanging by my side was shining brightly, and I pressed it against my palm until I felt burning pain.

I asked Yuan Sheng: "The first homosexual you knew was your elder brother, and you were only 12 years old at that time, an age where you didn't even know what homosexuality is, so you really hated and rejected him so much. Gay?"

Yuan Sheng's face was hidden in the dark shadow, he was silent for a long time, until I was disappointed that he would not answer, he raised his head and let out a long sigh, and opened his mouth.

His voice seemed a bit ethereal, but extremely heavy, and he said: "I can't find him, my voice is hoarse from crying, and my shoes are all gone, but I can't find him anywhere."

"You know, my parents are both doctors. When they are busy, they really work day and night. I used to think it was nothing when my brother was there. I just have my brother. He can eat and play with me. Nao, accompany me to do my homework, and sleep with my arms at night, oh yes, before I was six years old, he would tell me bedtime stories, but the stories were so bad that he himself felt very embarrassed, so I won't talk about it later... He started teaching me how to play games, but he never allowed me to play for too long..."

Yuan Sheng smiled, with tears in his eyes, and he asked me: "Do you know what it's like to be alone? Do you know how hard it is to feel your own world being hollowed out suddenly? Why did he leave so decisively?" , leaving me alone in that empty and cold home, without even coming back to take a look?"

I affirmed narratively: "So you started to resent him, and attributed all the faults to the root of homosexuality."

Yuan Sheng nodded: "I have to hate something, so that I can make a rough summary of those dark days. Only then can I forget my brother who was so good to me in my memory, and live my own life selfishly."

I suddenly felt a surge of anger from the bottom of my heart. I squeezed the hot cigarette butt in my palm and punched the iron door hard: "You shouldn't hate him! It's your fault!"

"You are right. We are the ones who are wrong. The more I grow up, the more I see and understand, the more I know that we are the ones who are wrong."

Yuan Sheng paused, his throat choked with pain: "I am too cowardly, and my parents are too paranoid and conservative."

I was silent, not knowing what to say, I gave Yuan Sheng a knife and asked him to cut himself open.

He is in pain.

He deserved the pain, but I never wanted him to.

Yuan Sheng looked at me, smiled suddenly, and asked, "If you were me back then, our family wouldn't be what it is today, right?"

I also laughed, and really put myself in the shoes of myself, and said, "According to my temperament when I was a child, even if I cried, made trouble, and hanged myself, my father would not let my father beat my brother to death, let alone Let them throw him out."

I blinked at Yuan Sheng, as if joking: "If my father is so cruel, I will steal all the money in the family and go with my brother, and see if they can still be so stubborn after losing their two sons at once. ruthless!"

Yuan Sheng looked at me deeply, and even joked: "Poor my brother's life, the brother he met was me, not you."

I waved my hand and said, "I made such a mess today, he will only be glad that his brother is you instead of me."

Yuan Sheng smiled bitterly, and said: "But fate is really playing tricks on people. It even made me meet you, and let me find out, oh, so I am also gay."

I hung my head and twitched the corners of my mouth, but didn't speak.

Yuan Sheng suddenly said something, just a short number, but it was like a thunderbolt, hitting my ear.

He said, "Zhou Mu, I owe you something, I'm sorry."

I stiffened and lowered my head to hear him continue: "I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted to stay away from you at that time, but you..."

But I pressed on you step by step, so that you had to erect spikes, and the hug between us became bloody.

But Yuan Sheng, if I were you, I would never stab you, I would just open my arms and hold you tightly with the warmest chest.

But you are not me, because...

"You just don't like me that much." I looked up at him.

Not every like will be unforgettable, and not every love is deep love.

Yuan Sheng's eyes widened slightly, he looked at me, frowning tightly, then lowered his eyes, as if thinking, he said: "It should be..."

It is already late at night, and we who have not yet fallen asleep will feel extremely tired physically.

I waved my hand at Yuan Sheng and said, "Go back to sleep, you have to go to class tomorrow. Oh, by the way, I owe you an apology too. I've been too extreme during this time, only caring about myself, nothing else I didn't even think about it. Hehe, I really deserve a beating, but don't worry, from now on, I will study hard and improve every day! Goodbye~good night~"

Yuan Sheng looked at me and replied blankly: "Good night."

I smiled, closed the door, and walked through the messy living room. I didn't take off my clothes, shoes and socks, and lay directly on the bed, wrapped in a quilt, and fell into a dark sleep.

It was already noon when I woke up the next day, so I hurriedly called the class teacher, apologized and asked for leave.

She doesn't care much about me now, she just wants me to take the college entrance examination and graduate honestly.

I packed myself first, then found the landlord, lost the money and returned the room, and finally packed a backpack and set foot on the way back to school.

I walked first, then ran, faster and faster, faster and faster.

My clothes were blown by the wind, my hair was fluttering above my head, and it seemed that there was a wind under my feet, pushing me to run towards a road.

The so-called return to the right path.

But in my opinion, there are so many people in the world, of course there should not be only one road.

As long as you have enough reasons, even if it is not the main road, that road is the right road for you.

Now I return to the original path, just because there is no reason to take another path. At the same time, I also want to see what I can do in the future after I try my best to run on this path.