flawed

Chapter 128 Reviewing Pain

It was only six o'clock, and it was still some time before Jiang Yu's alarm clock rang.Seeing him sleeping peacefully on the sofa, Qi Nuliang didn't bother him, just picked up the quilt that fell on the ground, tucked him under him, and went back to the room.

As the door of the room closed, Jiang Yu opened a pair of clear eyes.He pulled the quilt that Qi Nuliang picked up just now, pressed it under his face, and sniffed deeply.

In fact, just when Qi Nuliang got up to go out, he was already awake.

He didn't expect Qi Nuliang to finish watching the movie "Brokeback Mountain", and then go to the balcony to smoke with a heavy heart.

The first time Jiang Yu watched this movie was also when he woke up from such a nightmare and suffered from insomnia.

At that time, he was still living in the dormitory of the university. He cried out in the middle of the night and was woken up by his roommate.After waking up, I was so sad that I couldn't sleep anymore, so I watched such a movie.

The time in the movie is the past 70s and [-]s in the United States, where gay people cannot be together freely.At that time, his world was also like this.I am like Jack in the movie, pursuing bravely but getting nothing, and Qi Nuliang who can't break free from the secular imprisonment is Ennis.The difference is that Jack and Ennis are in love in the movie, but in reality, only he loves Qi Nuliang unilaterally.

Every time he wakes up from a nightmare, he will open this movie.The constant repetition dilutes the tragedy and cruelty of the film itself, and the slow rhythm and sadness become his best lullaby.

It's just that he didn't expect that one day, Qi Nuliang would watch the movie with him.

He didn't expect that Qi Nuliang was already by his side, and he would have this dream again and again.

Maybe it's because this nightmare, unlike the others, actually happened.

At the end of summer eight years ago, the second day after he and Qi Nuliang expressed their love, when he realized something was wrong, he ran home, leaving him with only an empty room and the bank cards and notes on the dinner table .

Qi Nuliang only said how much money is left on this card, and that he will be paid for living expenses every month, and let him go to university to study hard and have a girlfriend.Said that he was gone, but Qi Nuliang didn't say where he was going, when he would come back, and whether he would meet again in the future.

But his phone has never been connected.

Jiang Yu chased him all the way to Nanquan City. There are three train stations in the north, south and east of the city. He stood in the middle of the road, anxious and at a loss.He decided to take a gamble, betting that Qi Nuliang would go to the north, even if it wasn't Beijing, it would be a certain city in the north. This was their previous agreement.

Jiang Yu went to the North Railway Station.

The station is crowded with people, trying to find someone here is tantamount to finding a needle in a haystack.He shuttled back and forth among the waiting crowd, searching repeatedly from noon to night, but found nothing.Jiang Yu suspected that he had made a wrong bet, so he turned around and ran to the South Railway Station.

From late night to early morning, there are trains going to all parts of the country, and swarms of travelers come and go.He stood under the train sign and among the crowd, overwhelmed by powerlessness and pain.

Before dawn, he went to the East Railway Station again.

But he couldn't go in, just under the stop sign, he completely collapsed.

His belief in longing for a miracle to happen finally collapsed in a day and a night of disappointment.If you can't find it, how can you find it? It's been so long, so many cars, so many people, he doesn't know anything, and he is running around like a headless chicken.He couldn't find Qi Nuliang, and he was abandoned by the person he loved the most.

Tremendous fear and uneasiness enveloped him, as well as despair and sadness. He squatted on the square in front of the station and wept, like kneeling in front of his mother's coffin when he was ten years old, crying until dawn.

He couldn't remember many things after that.How did he return to Hongcheng, how did he survive the last period of time alone, and how did he leave the north alone in the end.The only thing I remember is the heart-piercing panic at that time, and the dull pain in my heart and brain.

Looking back, those days seem to have been veiled by a veil, and everything else seems so unreal except the real pain.

After so many years, Qi Nuliang has returned to him, but a part of him is still trapped in that long sleep, reviewing the pain of the other party's departure over and over again.

After that, the only connection between him and Qi Nuliang was the bank card in his hand.At the beginning, he went to the cash machine near the school to check every now and then, and finally received the first living allowance transferred to him by Qi Nuliang in the second month after school started.

He tried many times, hoping to find out where Qi Nuliang sent the money.After going to countless outlets, the counter staff gave him the same answer.If it is his own bank card, he can check the remitter's information with his ID card.Since this card is not his own, he can't find any information.

The first semester lasted until the winter vacation, and he couldn't wait to return to Hongcheng.There is a faint hope in my heart, maybe Qi Nuliang will come back for the New Year.

But in the end, I waited for more than a month, and nothing came.

At the end of the first school year, Jiang Yu returned to Hongcheng again, but there was still no one waiting for him during the two-month summer vacation.But on the eve of the start of school, he received a remittance of 1 yuan.

Qi Nuliang hid where he couldn't find him, but still didn't forget to pay him tuition.

Jiang Yu looked at the money in the card that he had not moved and was increasing day by day, and felt a little bit of comfort in the torment of lovesickness.At least Qi Nuliang was still thinking about himself.

When he was a sophomore, his part-time salary and school scholarships and bursaries were able to fully cover his various expenses and surplus.Qi Nuliang still persevered in sending him money.

The winter vacation of his sophomore year was the second Spring Festival when Qi Nuliang left him.Originally, Beijing had good opportunities to earn money part-time, but he still returned to Hongcheng.Cleaned up their dusty home, filled the refrigerator with food, and bought lanterns and lanterns for decoration, waiting for Qi Nuliang to come back for the New Year.

People still haven't come back.

In the early morning of the first day of the new year, Jiang Yu went to visit his mother's grave with incense sticks and paper money.

Expecting too much can sometimes turn into a strong intuition.He felt that Qi Nuliang had returned, but he didn't go home.He will be able to verify this right away, because if the person really comes back, he will not stop seeing Yao Huilan.

At the foot of the mountain in the cemetery, Jiang Yu looked up, and on the bare hillside, he really saw the figure of a man.The man is far away, and with the rising sun behind his back, he can't see clearly.But he did walk down the mountain from the direction of Yao Huilan's grave.

At that moment, Jiang Yu couldn't tell what it was like, as if his voice was heard by the gods, and the miracle he prayed for came true.He started to run up the mountain, and he shouted in his heart: "Brother, you are finally back...I will never let you leave again..."

Panting, he rolled and crawled, and stopped at a distance of 20 meters from the man.

He was wrong, he was not Qi Nuliang.The man was shorter than Qi Nuliang, and had yellow hair like a cockscomb.From appearance to walking posture, there is nothing alike, how could he be wrong.

He was so annoyed that the hope that had risen to the top of the tree suddenly fell and shattered.

He was probably going crazy.

Getting closer, he recognized the yellow hair as Deng Jianghua.

When Grandpa Deng Jianghua passed away, after Hongcheng cracked down on crime and pornography, there was no shelter for hooligans. He also went out to work, and the yard of Deng's family was deserted.Jiang Yu hadn't seen this man for many years, thinking that he might have come to visit his grandfather's grave.

The two passed by each other, they hadn't seen each other for many years, Deng Jianghua didn't take the initiative to greet Jiang Yu, and Jiang Yu didn't greet him either.Without Qi Nuliang in the middle, they didn't know each other very well, and they didn't like each other.

Jiang Yu found his mother's small grave, and was surprised to find that there was a pile of fresh paper money ashes in front of the tombstone, and the incense ashes in the stove were also freshly broken.

It's been a year since he last came.His mother had been dead for so many years, who else in Hongcheng would burn paper for her on the first day of the new year?He suppressed his rapid breathing, put his hand into the pile of ashes, and immediately retracted, his fingers were scalded by the sparks that had not been completely extinguished in the middle of the pile of ashes.

He hurriedly raised his head and looked around, only other strangers who came to pay homage to his relatives at the grave, but he didn't see the person he wanted to see.

He got up suddenly, and ran down the mountain towards the road that Deng Jianghua had walked just now.

It was Deng Jianghua, and the person who burned the paper for his mother was Deng Jianghua.Deng Jianghua would not come to visit his mother's grave for no reason, Qi Nuliang must have asked him to come.

He definitely knew where Qi Nuliang was.

As soon as Deng Jianghua returned home, Jiang Yu knocked open the long-rotten door in the back yard.

Before he could speak, he was grabbed by Jiang Yu, out of breath, and asked, "Where is my brother?"

Deng Jianghua frowned and pretended to be stupid: "How do I know where your brother is?"

"You know, my brother asked you to burn paper for my mother, right?"

"What paper to burn? I didn't burn paper for your mother."

"What are you going to the cemetery for?" Jiang Yu looked at him closely, "Don't say you went to visit your grandpa's grave. I just remembered that your grandpa was cremated and no grave was raised."

"..."

"You know where my brother is, I've been looking for him, can you tell me?"

Deng Jianghua broke away from Jiang Yu's hand: "It's not that I didn't tell you, it's because your brother told me not to tell you."

Years ago he was coming back and asked Qi Nuliang if he wanted to be together.Qi Nuliang said he couldn't answer, but asked him to help burn some paper for Yao Huilan.He also specifically told him not to run into Jiang Yu as much as possible, so he woke up early.Unexpectedly, I bumped into him on the road, and he pretended not to know him, but let people catch up with him.

Deng Jianghua was very puzzled. He had been puzzled since Qi Nuliang suddenly contacted him two years ago and said that he would come to Guangdong to work.Asked him if he had any conflicts with Jiang Yu, but Qi Nuliang kept silent.

"Tell me, I won't say you said it, please."

Seeing Jiang Yu's uncomfortable face, Deng Jianghua was suddenly a little angry: "He didn't tell me what kind of conflict you two had, but your brother has always loved you so much, he treats you better than anyone else, and can make him feel better. If you avoid seeing him like this, you must have done something bad and hurt his heart. Brother Qi is my buddy, if he asked me not to tell, I will definitely not betray him. "

"It's my fault, I'll go and apologize to him, tell me where he is, at least tell him my current phone number, I really beg you." Jiang Yu said, and knelt down to Deng Jianghua with a "boom".

Deng Jianghua turned pale with shock: "Fuck me, fuck me, what are you doing, get up quickly."

"Tell me where my brother is."

"...I'm really fucking convinced." Deng Jianghua had to tell him the address, and then said, "But I think, since Brother Qi doesn't want to see you, you'd better not bother him. He's there too It’s hard to settle down, and if you go looking for him, he’ll have to hide and start over in another place. What if he doesn’t even contact me this time?”

"Is he all right?"

"It's okay...it's pretty good." Deng Jianghua sighed, "Hey, let me tell you, you two are really serious, what's the big deal, you need to do this."