sinovels Chapter 70 70
Chapter 70 70
===========================
After Sasha left, I sat in the office and smoked for a long time, as if the warmth of his skin still remained on my hands.I think I like him. Since I met him at the age of 19, my love for him has been deeply rooted in my heart, and it cannot be easily erased from then on.
But I know clearly that it is not love.
Perhaps he was right, and it was probably better to be in love with him than with Julian.But feelings have always been involuntary, and I have long been bewitched to the point of losing myself.
It's really sad, the struggle now is just to be worthy of the people around me, but it seems that they have to suffer because of me.
Stuffing out my cigarette, I left headquarters and drove home.It has been more than three months since I came back from the Soviet Union, and I no longer go to the White Mansion, and I only meet Julian three or two times.In summer in East Berlin, the moon was bright and the stars were sparse, and the smell of hops wafted through the streets and alleys. I suddenly wanted to drink, so I took a detour to find a pub, ordered a glass of beer and drank it.
After drinking for three rounds, I felt as if someone was sitting in front of me in my drunkenness. The faint silvery gold was full of dreamy color under the light. I squinted my eyes and narrowed my sight, and saw Julian in black.
Like an angel in the dark night, I suddenly remembered that "Azrael" was originally the angel of death in biblical mythology, the angel who blew the second trumpet.
Hehe, sure enough...
He didn't speak, took the wine glass in my hand and drank it down. With a smile on his face, he stared at me calmly, as if admiring his treasure.
"Why are you here?" I hiccupped and looked at him drunkenly.
"I miss you." The voice was shallow: "You don't go to my place, so I have to come to you."
"I don't want to go there."
"I know." He stood up and supported me: "Go home?"
"Hmm." Somewhat overwhelmed with alcohol, we walked towards the parking area with his support.He naturally sat in the driver's seat of my jeep. Seeing my surprised face, he said, "You are drunk and driving is dangerous."
"What about your driver?"
"I told them to go back."
I shrugged and climbed into the co-pilot.The car was speeding all the way, and someone drove so elegantly and beautifully. I leaned lazily on the back of the seat and stared at his slender white hands on the steering wheel.
"You met Sasha during the day." He said, looking ahead.
"Hmm..." I twisted impatiently, turned my face away and looked out the window: "If you want to talk to me about whether you love me or not, then let me get out of the car."
He chuckled, and the jeep turned into my neighborhood: "If you don't talk, don't talk, I didn't ask you to quarrel with you."
"What is that for?"
"Sleeping with you."
I rolled my eyes: "I don't believe anything else, but I believe that you are really a pervert. Although I am handsome, why are you so obsessed with it?"
He smiled in a low voice, and joked with me in a rare way: "Aren't all men like this? But, don't you have a crush on me?"
"It's not that far." I laughed, "Unless you also cooperate with me next time."
"In that case, you really can't leave me."
He turned the steering wheel, parked the car on the side of the road gracefully, and carried me upstairs.
"This is the first time I've come to your house." He stood in the living room with a smile on his face: "But here are all bugs."
"Didn't you install them all?"
I walked into the bathroom angrily, took a cold shower, and forced myself to wake up.There's a tempting fox out there, and I've got to keep my wits about me.
The fall has been deep enough, but it can't continue to fall.What he said is right, if I really want to press him down once, I will never be able to leave him again.
In fact, until now, I still hold the fantasy that I can let go of everything and run away completely after the matter is over. Although he told me repeatedly that it is impossible, fantasy should always be allowed, even if it is only a [-]% possibility.
I walked out naked and found him standing in the living room talking to someone on the phone.Seeing me coming out, he glanced up and down at me like a real person, making my thick skin inevitably turn red, but he still spoke in a calm voice, and his raised eyebrows and smile became meaningless.
This determination...
I walked into the bedroom and put on a set of clean pajamas. When he came out, he had already hung up the phone and started to unbutton the black shirt one by one. The smooth chest under the flying fingers made my throat tighten. .
"You also know that there are bugs here, and I don't want the sound of us going to bed being recorded."
"No more." He smiled and said, "It's been arranged just now, and the wiretapping line will be my people tonight, not the KGB."
"That's not okay." I sat on the sofa and lit a cigarette: "You are shameless, I want more."
"Rhein, your temper is getting worse." He shook his head resentfully and walked into the bathroom, "Find me a set of your pajamas."
I looked at his sculptural back and snorted coldly.I wouldn't believe it if he said he didn't like me, but that kind of distorted feeling is far from love.I took a puff of cigarette in frustration, and then coughed violently.
"It's not good for your lungs, you have to learn moderation," he said, standing in the bathroom door.
"What about you? I don't seem to have any restraint."
"That's because I only have you." The corners of his eyes curled up, not hiding the insidiousness in his smile: "Besides, I know this is the best way to tie you down."
"Can I run? I don't think I can beat Alyosha."
He smiled calmly: "Honey, I'm talking about your heart. Your experience is with me."
With his silver hair flying, he turned and walked into the bathroom.There was an unknown fire in my heart, and the fool also knew why he came to me tonight, didn't he just know that I started to feel uneasy when I saw Sasha during the day?
Sooner or later, he will have to be sent to a mental hospital for a psychiatrist to treat his twisted possessiveness.
Shock him with electroshock therapy!
I gritted my teeth and threw him a set of pajamas, and he put them on in a hurry, then came over helplessly and stroked my head: "Emotional will make you old."
"That's not as old as you." I felt thorny all over, because today's mood is really unhappy.
He sighed faintly, sat next to me and picked up a cigarette to smoke.When he smokes, his eyes are as misty and blurred as the smoke, and his movements are very light and soft, only the slight sound of the cigarette burning can be heard.
"Rhein, you wouldn't choose Sasha, would you?"
His voice suddenly sounded, okay, okay, I still want to say this after going around for a long time, I'm really going to be fucked to death by the two of them.
"Julian, let me repeat for the last time. If there is a real chance, I will not choose either of you. I am not willing to maintain this unclear relationship with you now. I know I can't run away, and I accept my fate. But that doesn't mean I chose you actively, understand?"
He glanced at me lightly and said lightly, "Well, I understand."
I was stunned, why did he suddenly become docile, which made me a little embarrassed.
"Anyway, Sasha seems to be in pain, you should comfort him more."
"What about me?" Julian chuckled, "Who will comfort me?"
"I don't think your psychological quality is that weak." My heart was full of puzzlement and resentment, I seized the opportunity and began to ridicule him.
"What you should overcome is the pathological possessiveness. You don't love me or Sasha at all. You may only think that we belong to you. You are high above and used to controlling everything. You don't care about anyone. Since you love me so much Sasha, you should give me to him. If you have feelings for me, you should let go. Tell me, what comfort do you need? Who can hurt you now?"
He stared at me, slowly raised the corners of his mouth, bitterness leaked out, after a long time, he said calmly: "Well, you are right, I don't need it."
I was stunned for a moment, and those eyes that were dripping with sadness made me feel a lot of regret in my heart.
Many regrets in life happen in some small moments, but the words spoken casually bring heavy and sharp harm to the other party.Not knowing until the last moment that there are people whose pain can never be expressed, they are the saddest people in the world, because they have too much shoulders, and they don't even have the right to fall and be weak.
And because I have never set foot in the deep darkness, I can be extremely calm.
But he can't.
He put out the cigarette with a smile, smoothed his silver hair back, and leaned in front of me, blinking his bright eyes.
"Then at least I can be tired, right?"
He bent his eyes, and lay softly in my arms, on my lap.My heart was suddenly stung by something, and I smiled shyly: "Everyone is tired."
I pulled up the blanket to cover him, and he closed his eyes, revealing a peaceful sleeping face like a child.The silver eyelashes fluttered slightly, and he inadvertently showed this distressing fragility.
Later, he really fell asleep in my arms. I carried him to the bed, covered him with the quilt, and looked at him carefully with his head propped up.
When he was asleep, he looked pure and clear, like the clear sky after snow in Siberia, and as elegant as lily petals.The fingers flying on the keyboard didn't seem to be stained with so much blood. In a trance, I seemed to have returned to the scene when I first met him.
He was covered in blood under the trench, just sitting like that, quiet and peaceful, even if I fell in front of him dramatically, he just looked at me quietly, motionless.The gun was in his hand, pulling the trigger would finish me, but he just looked at me.
I can't help but wonder, at that time, has he given up his life?
And later, how he insisted on surviving, I can't imagine.Now he has climbed to such a high level, sitting firmly in the position of commander-in-chief of the Soviet Army stationed in Germany for seven or eight years, and killed Beria incidentally, fighting wits and courage with the imperialists in the Berlin area, which is the front line of ideological struggle. The most effective way to support people to go on is to maintain hatred and faith, but does his heart really not hesitate for a moment?
I kissed the tear mole at the corner of his eye, and I held him in my arms. For a moment, I even hoped that it would be great if he was always sleeping like this, and that I could love him more frankly and fearlessly.
I woke up the next morning and saw him still on my arm, breathing shallowly, curled up like a small animal.Although I have watched this appearance many times, it is still exciting, especially this is the first time in my house, which makes me instantly feel like I can call the shots.
I leaned forward and nibbled on his lips, as if the dream had been disturbed, he frowned impatiently, let out a coquettish moan, and turned his back to me.
This posture... this time...
I couldn't help swallowing, and my eyes were burning with flames looking down from the back of his white and tender neck, and fell on the ups and downs of his waist.Tsk, I stretched out the devil's claw excitedly.
This smooth feel... this hot temperature...
I leaned forward and hugged him tightly.Just when he felt as if he was about to turn over, he broke out completely, threw him under his body, and continued decisively.
"Itchy skin?"
The threatening words trembled with pain, I raised his chin, and whispered in his ear, "Don't worry, it just hurts."
His face turned green and pale, and a low voice came out of his chest: "Get down."
"I don't." I protested against him, appreciating his jaw clenched in pain: "You have to cooperate with me obediently, or I will force it."
He turned his head and raised the corners of his mouth, squinted at me and put his arms around my neck: "Then, you will be mine until the end of your life."
The devilish green pupils reflected my gradually terrified expression, and I let him go slowly.
He sat up mockingly, and slowly put on his clothes: "Why, you don't want to be mine?"
"Isn't it already?" I snorted coldly.
He touched my face with a smile, and said, "The present does not mean the future, and the future does not mean that I am dead."
I didn't even want to pick up the pillow and hit him viciously on the head. He fell off the bed with a bang, and when he got up in pain, the burning anger in his green eyes made me regret it so much.
After all, I couldn’t escape the catastrophe. When Dunn asked me why my legs were trembling when I walked with concern at the Stasi headquarters, I could only grin and say that I ate something I shouldn’t eat and broke my stomach last night. .
"Then you have to take some medicine. Well, you won't be idle from now on."