Dawn is coming

Chapter 42 Always Be The Same 1

Gao Xinye was the one who noticed those notebooks first, kissed Jian Chengqi again, then sat up, took out all the notebooks of different thicknesses from the cabinet, and put them on his lap.Jian Chengqi also sat next to him, seeing that Gao Xinye was about to turn over, he quickly pressed the cover with both hands.

"I wrote them all a long time ago," he stressed urgently, his ears turning red. "Some of them were written when I was very young..."

He snatched those books, and wanted to put these youthful stories in the cabinet again, so as not to let them see the light of day again, but when he found that there was still an exercise book in the middle, his hand for closing the cabinet door paused for a moment.

He didn't have any impression of the color of the cover, and when he really started to recall, he found that most of the notebooks in this cabinet were what he thought had been lost, which meant that during his absence, someone helped He retrieved all the stories he had written—those stories that he regarded as dark history at this age and was unwilling to read them, that person might have read them all.After a moment of hesitation, Gao Xinye also sat on the floor. His intuition was very accurate, and what he pulled out happened to be the thin exercise book. The pencil traces on the cover were very vague, but the word "composition" could be vaguely distinguished. two words.

Gao Xinye opened it, and every word in it was well-formed. At that time, Jian Chengqi was only in the second grade, so the teacher's comments would also use pinyin.The handwriting of the red pen is much clearer than that of the pencil. The teacher marked five five-pointed stars, and commented under the composition called "My Mother"-Xiao Chengqi's writing is very touching, and Xiao Chengqi is very talented in writing. .

"I even...forgot about this." Jian Chengqi really couldn't remember that he had been affirmed when he was so young.So he also had the courage to read other books, and every time he read one, it was like re-acquainting himself.

"Look, I wrote martial arts before, and I finished it." Jian Chengqi was also very surprised. He wrote that story in two notebooks with [-] to [-] words.

"I used to be so passionate." Looking at those childish and precious words, Jian Chengxi recalled how the grand robber in the story punished the evil, promoted the good, robbed the rich and helped the poor. He was still in elementary school at that time, and lived on campus every week. He was very lonely, and he just wrote silently on the night self-study, and didn't show it to anyone after he finished writing.

He had no readers at that time, but every word he wrote was his friend.

"But it's really naive." Jian Chengxi closed the other book in shame, and asked Gao Xinye with distorted facial features: "Do you know what I saw just now?"

"What did you see?" Gao Xinye pointed to the notebook, "You wrote it in junior high school?"

"Yeah, when I was in junior high school, I actually wrote—" He couldn't say it, so he reopened it for Gao Xinye to read. It was a bloody love story about gangsters, and a line in it was: He was proud of it. His self-control was vulnerable to him.

Gao Xinye couldn't help laughing.

"I'll look for it again, maybe there's something else... Sit up and move by yourself." Jian Chengqi has already started the self-deprecating mode, and he is not as repulsive as he was at the beginning.After all, it was written by him word by word, stroke by stroke, that was his story, that was also his growth.So he turned to the last one.It was written in his first winter vacation in high school. At that time, he was no longer just relying on inspiration to write stories. He knew whose perspective to start from. He had to show more than tell, and he had to pay attention to the partial and overall structure and various kind of words.He was still lonely at that time, and the more lonely he was, the stronger his savage expressive desire was, which made people ignore the potential problems in the logic of the writing for a while, but was just attracted to look down, unable to stop.Jian Chengqi also wanted to know what happened next, but when he turned to the next page, the story came to an abrupt end.

Oh, he looked at the blank page, and he remembered.

His mother saw him sitting in his room writing this all day long, so she talked with him, saying that his energy should be focused on his studies, and that the winter vacation should also be used for reviewing and previewing.How good he is, did he have any readers before?No.Have you been affirmed?nor.His parents did not stifle his desire to create, but presented the facts to let him know that the word "writer" is not only a distant dream for him, but also unimaginable for this ordinary family.

At that time, they did not dare to imagine that parents like them who did not receive higher education could have a son engaged in literary creation.

"So I never wrote any more," he looked at Gao Xinye, "until I met you."

He smiled reassuringly.All the notebooks in front of him are all his past, and the passage of time cannot be turned back, but the written stories will remain forever and become proof of his existence.So he also forgives his childish writing and poor logic, but now he is grateful. Without these clumsy attempts and love, he would not have persisted until now.

"Then do you want to say a more solemn farewell?" Gao Xinye said, handing him a pen.Jian Chengqi also felt that it made sense, so he turned to the next page—it should have been blank, and all his creations in his youth ended on the previous page, and the writing on it was obviously not his.

And as soon as he saw those square characters with fair strokes, his tears fell down uncontrollably before any sadness surged in his heart.He would not admit it wrong, it was his mother's handwriting.

His 62-year-old mother who, if alive, would probably be studying the Common Language at a senior university, swam the European Union at his heels.

It should have been written by his mother before the car accident. She found out all the stories Jian Chengqi had written before, in order to prove that the article that put him in prison was indeed not his style of writing, and she wanted to help her son reverse the case.She also read it all, as she wrote in the first paragraph, she said it was the first time she saw what her son had written.Jian Chengxi closed the notebook, his chest heaving obviously due to panting.His vision was all blurred, and he couldn't see clearly no matter how much he rubbed it, so he had a reason to escape. It was her mother's last words, and he couldn't bear to read it.

"Then I'll read it to you," Gao Xinye held him in his arms and gave him his own shoulders.

"Cheng Qi," he read, "Mom has read all your stories from small to capital letters. Mom has read very few books, and she reads very slowly, so she poked each word with her fingers and read them carefully. Because when Cheng Qi wrote these stories stroke by stroke, he must be serious."

"Mom has finished reading it. Your writing is awesome, Cheng Qi. Mom regrets not reading it sooner. If I could have said this to you earlier, many things would not have happened."

"Don't read it..." Jian Chengxi couldn't stop crying, pushed Xin Ye up resistingly, and begged again, "Stop reading it."

But Gao Xinye was unmoved and did not allow him to break free from his embrace, and continued to read:

"Mom can't sleep for the past few days, and even if she does, she always dreams of you. Mom still remembers that our Cheng Qi is small and fat. Because mother has no milk, whenever Cheng Qi cries, we will cry. I will rush to make milk powder. If you are cold, I am afraid that you will eat your stomach, and if you are hot, you will hurt your tongue and trachea. At that time, your father loved to hug you very much. He would hug you whenever you cried. Once you were crying, he hugged you. He hugged and smiled, probably because he thought you were so cute, even crying, so he couldn't help laughing."

"He also likes you very much. Although your father is taciturn, he also loves Cheng Qi."

Jian Chengqi cried out.

"By the way, Mom forgot to say that Cheng Qi was really cute when he was a child. Because he drank a lot of milk powder, Cheng Qi's hands and calves were plump, white and tender, like lotus root. Your brother said you were Little Nezha, but you Much more obedient than Nezha, you have been sensible since childhood, you are such a good child."

"I'm sorry, our Cheng Qi. Mom and Dad haven't read so many books, so they can't impress you and provide you with a good enlightenment environment. So they only know how to make money, and they can only work hard to make money. They try their best to make you and My brother has good educational resources. You have loved reading since you were a child, and all the pocket money given to you was used to buy books. Every teacher praised you. The first parent-teacher meeting in high school, my mother and father went, and some parents asked us if we were college students , how to cultivate such a good you. We didn't say that we are not, it's not vanity, we dare not admit that we only graduated from junior high school, but we don't want to embarrass you. Do you remember the day when you came home, it was your mother who drove the car, you know why You can't see it sitting in the back, your dad is sitting in the co-pilot, your dad has been wiping tears, he is happy, his son is so good, he is laughing and wiping tears."

"Don't blame Dad, he has such a personality. If there is still a chance, he will definitely hug you."

At this time, Jian Chengqi didn't resist any more. Instead, he put his arms around Gao Xinye, buried his face in his chest, and didn't cry anymore, but his shoulders shook uncomfortably.

"We told you that day that we didn't think you wrote that article. We really didn't laugh at you. You are our son, a piece of flesh fell from me. We will never leave you no matter what you become. How could I laugh at you. So we really didn’t expect that some words we said unconsciously would hurt you so much, hurt your self-esteem, and hit you so much. Later, we missed you all night and found out about Everything about you, everything from your birth, is all vivid, so we said that the article was not written by you, because we watched you grow up, we are the people who know you best and understand your heart , we understand you. But we are too bad at expressing and left you with too many indelible misunderstandings. We really regret it. The more I think about it, the more I regret it. I regret telling others that I gave birth to you by accident. Yes, my mother was really unintentional, my mother regrets and blames herself."

"Mom seems to have written a lot of regrets, but I really want to tell you personally, baby Cheng Qi, the most regrettable and most beautiful accident in my life is having you."

Jian Chengqi finally collapsed.

"Mom is going to find a lawyer with your father tomorrow, and it was contacted by one of your readers." Gao Xinye paused for a few seconds, but still read what Jian Chengqi's mother wrote: "He said that you are very eager to get our lawyer. Looking forward, stupid, how could we not look forward to you, from the day we know you exist, we have been looking forward to you infinitely. It is because we are so looking forward to, so we are eager to use our experience to help you, hope You avoid detours, but now we also understand that no matter how we make suggestions, your life is your own after all, and you can only walk your own way, and you have to face some setbacks and tribulations."

"But don't be afraid, Cheng Qi, don't be afraid. Although Mom and Dad are not by your side now and can't be with you, Mom and Dad's love for you is always there. So don't be afraid, no matter what happens tomorrow, don't be afraid."

"If you want to write something, you write it.

If you have something to say, just say it.

Wherever you want to go, you go.

If you have something you want to do, you just do it.

If you have someone you want to love, you just love it. "

"You don't need to be anyone but yourself.

You will always be a great writer in our hearts. "

"Don't be afraid, our Cheng Kei is so great. Ever since we knew your existence, you have been so great in our hearts, so great that we don't think it is necessary to say it ourselves. I really hope that there will be another life. If so, I still want to be your mother. In this life, the care and care my mother gave you is always not enough, but if there is a next life, my mother will have experience, and my mother will love you more than this life."

"Mom loves you."

Gao Xinye put down the notepad.

He touched Jian Chengqi's hair in response to Jian Chengqi's hug.He also heard Jian Chengqi's cry, he thought that Jian Chengqi had lived for 25 years, this should be the first time he cried so thoroughly and indulgently.Gao Xinye originally thought that he would have no empathy, and he had no concept of family affection, but when he finished reading the mother's confession, he also had tears on his face.He has no regrets anymore, the omega in his arms is so good, even without him, it is worthy of everyone's love and expectation.

"They love you." His hands patted Jian Chengqi's back regularly, repeating softly over and over again, they love you.

I love you so selflessly and unreservedly.

Start by knowing you exist, always.