clear road dust

Chapter 39 Extra Story 3: Letter

"Professor, I have another question to ask."

The boy behind him ran two quick steps and followed closely, shoulder to shoulder with Shen Junhuai.

"You can't say that my idea is wrong, I just expressed it incorrectly. Just like the earth is full of carbon-based life, it doesn't mean that there is no silicon-based life in outer space. The quantum world may also be a parallel universe... "

The boy was still chattering wildly, with a youthful face, his face was blushing when he spoke, and there were broken stars in his eyes.Just for a moment, this face overlapped with another face, causing waves in the depths of distant memory.

"Look at the starry sky I painted, is it more dizzy than Van Gogh's? Hahaha..."

"Have you ever talked about a teacher-student relationship? Do foreign colleges and universities don't care about this?"

"Jun Huai, I didn't mean to..."

"Jun Huai, can you not leave me?"

……

All the echoes condensed into the back figure of that person who left last, without leaving him a word, wearing ordinary clothes, without a penny, and disappeared into the endless night.

"Professor! Professor!"

The boy looked at the dazed person in front of him, with a hint of hopeless sadness on his usually serious face, staring at him, looking at him, but didn't seem to look at him anymore.He was taken aback and shouted twice before Shen Junhuai came back to his senses.

"I remember you." Shen Junhuai said heavily, "You are Susu's classmate."

The boy was surprised, and then jumped up again: "Professor, I'm so happy, you still remember, I thought you must have forgotten."

They met last year.At the garden barbecue party at Su Changxian's house.

Su Changxian celebrated his daughter getting an offer from University H, and hosted a banquet at home for his friends and classmates who were close friends with his daughter, including this boy who also received an offer from University H.

When Shen Junhuai returned to his residence, Su Su happened to come out with a large bowl of shrimp dumplings.

"Uncle, I have included four formulas, and the dosage of all ingredients is accurate to milligrams. This time it should not be bad. Try it. Is it the taste you like?" Susu is a little girl with a round face. Call Shen Junhuai "Uncle".She is Su Changxian's eldest daughter. She inherited her father's career. She is extremely smart and likes scientific research. She is currently working on a project with Shen Junhuai.

Shen Junhuai picked one up, put it in his mouth, and chewed slowly, it was a bit salty, but it was okay.

He was a little absent-minded today, and made a perfunctory comment of "Not bad", then turned and walked upstairs.

"Uncle——" Susu called him again, "I tidied up the newspaper box today, do you see if it's still useful? If it's useless, I'll throw it away."

Shen Junhuai stopped, turned around and saw some messy things piled up on the dining table, and walked back slowly to look through the pile of papers.Leaflets, magazines, greeting cards stuffed by students, all kinds of things.Susu tidied up the newspaper box at home once a week, and it was generally useless, but Susu would still let Shen Junhuai take a look at it, in case any important documents were thrown away.

"Throw it all away—" the practice stopped abruptly before finishing what he was about to say, and Shen Junhuai found an envelope at the bottom of the stack of materials.

Susu also walked over with shrimp dumplings in her mouth, and said vaguely, "Did you throw them away?"

After not hearing Shen Junhuai's words for a long time, he looked up and was stunned.

——He was holding the corner of the envelope tightly in his hand, his hands were shaking violently, and his expression was normal, but Susu always felt that Uncle Shen, who had always been aloof, was about to cry.His gaze turned to the envelope that Shen Junhuai was holding in his hand. It was a very ordinary white envelope with only four beautiful characters on it: Shen Junhuaiqi.

There are still people writing letters these days?Su Su was a little surprised, but she was even more surprised by Shen Junhuai's reaction. She was a smart child, so when Shen Junhuai went upstairs with the envelope, she didn't ask any more questions.On the last step, Shen Junhuai seemed to lose his footing and stumbled, Susu also pressed "careful" back into her throat.

Jun Huai:

See the word as the face.

I don't know if I bothered you, I don't know if you still remember me.

But I really want to write you a letter. If you don't say some things, you will never have the chance.Anyway, let me be willful for a while!

I saw you on TV that day. After all these years, you are still the same, and you haven't changed at all.

Sorry to leave without saying goodbye 18 years ago.Maybe you don't care anymore, but I'm still sorry, I left without saying hello, it's hard for you!So I want to give you an explanation. Even if you are late, it is better than leaving without saying a word. Let me give you an explanation.

You don't have to feel guilty about not killing yourself after I left.

In fact, I was very afraid of death. Standing by the sea, I felt like a lonely ghost. The feeling was terrible, so I ran away.I thought, I always have to find a place that is neither dark nor cold to end, so I walked and walked for a long time, looking for a long time.

I won’t talk about the hardships I have suffered in the middle, I am not here to complain, I just want to tell you that the world is more cruel and terrifying than I imagined.I have eaten rubbish, slept under bridge holes, and been chased and beaten, but these are all trivial matters, and I have also met many kind-hearted people.

Another student from the Academy of Fine Arts encouraged me, saying that after going through hardships, I might become a master like Gauguin.

His words amused me.

Jun Huai, this is the first time I write to you, and it will also be the last time.

I really, really miss you very much, love you very much.

You don't mind me saying this, I apologize again, if it bothered you, I'm sorry.Please allow me to finish.

I think about you every day, and I can no longer love anyone else.I know that I am like dust and you are the white clouds in the sky, but I still want you greedily.I have thought about looking for you countless times, even to see you, but I dare not.I am afraid to see that you have a lover by your side, and I am unkempt and begging for your charity. I can't do it.

I didn't have the courage to approach you anymore.

I should have been someone who was dead long ago, someone who had disappeared from your life long ago.

I have been in poor health for the past few years. I was deaf in one ear, and my leg was injured. Whenever it rains, it hurts and I keep coughing.Some time ago, I went to the hospital, and the doctor said that my lung cancer was in the terminal stage, and I could live for another two months at most.

I thought it would be nice to die so quietly.

Maybe it was fate, in the last two months of my life, I saw you on TV again.That picture gave me courage, I thought, let me sneak a look at you, just one look is fine.After reading it, I will leave, and after reading it, I will completely let go.

So, I spent a month preparing, bought a plane ticket with all the money I earned from odd jobs, and then flew over to see you in the last month.If I can see you before I die, I will never have any regrets in my life.

Yes, don't be surprised, I have really been here and seen you.

I checked your class schedule on your school's official website, and secretly hid at the school gate, hoping to see you when you walked out of the school gate.But I've been waiting and waiting, but I can't wait for you.

I am so stupid, you may come out by car, or you may live in the school, it is possible that you will not pass the school gate for a month or two, how can I wait for you?

In the past two days, the cough has become more and more severe, and it has snowed, so it is really cold.I read the news that many homeless people freeze to death every year in your city, and I'm afraid I won't last long.

I thought for a long time and decided to write you this letter first.I was too selfish, at first I just wanted to see you, but later I wanted you to know that I had been here, so I gritted my teeth and wrote you a letter.

In fact, I saw you before I finished writing the letter.

I am so happy, so happy. I saw you walking out of the school gate. You are still very good-looking and not old at all. Your walking posture, talking expression, and thinking eyes have not changed at all.

I cried for a long time that day. From noon to night, I sat on the steps opposite the school gate and cried all the time, but I was very happy in my heart.

It turns out that where you are, there is sunshine and warmth, and it is neither cold nor dark.

Jun Huai, I will die without regret!

another,

If you have read this letter, please burn it. In view of our past life and friendship, don’t throw it away. If someone else sees it, I will feel ashamed. After all, my predecessor more than ten years ago still wrote it. Sorry again for being a bit embarrassed and cheeky to interrupt your life with the letter.

I don't know what kind of person your wife is, and whether she has several children.

Junhuai, I bless you, may your descendants be full and have a worry-free life.

Lu Qingchen

2035. 11, 13

Shen Junhuai staggered down the stairs, Susu had never seen him lose his composure so much, and was taken aback.

He rushed into the basement again to open the door of the car closest to him, but he couldn't open it for a long time. He kicked the door hard again, and the alarm sounded sharply.

Susu ran over with the key, grabbed Shen Junhuai's arm, and said in an unsteady voice, "Uncle, go to the co-pilot, I'll drive."

Susu had just obtained her driver's license and hadn't driven a car a few times, but now she was driving desperately.She blasted the car out of the basement, wiped off the sweat from her brow, and then took a breath and asked, "Uncle, where are we going?"

Shen Junhuai said hoarsely, "Go to school."

It takes about 10 minutes to drive to school. There are no pedestrians on the road in the middle of the night. It is shrouded in mist and it is very cold and humid.The thick layer of snow that just fell two days ago has not yet cleared, and it has accumulated on the side of the road, which is a bit muddy.

"Susu," Shen Junhuai said suddenly, there was a kind of emptiness in his eyes, as if the next thing to say was hard to say, but it had to be said.So he took a few deep breaths before he could continue:

"A few days ago, did an Asian die at the school gate..."

Susu's heart sank, and it took a while before she answered him cautiously: "I heard from my classmates that it seems to be the case."

Shen Junhuai didn't speak any more.

Susu went on to say: "Some classmates saw him guarding the school gate for several days. He didn't look like a homeless man. He was pretty good-looking, so my classmates paid attention to him. One morning, it was the second snowfall. One morning, someone found him...he was huddled in a corner opposite the school gate, dead."

"...I don't know if he died of freezing or illness."

"The school called the police, and the police came and took him away."

Susu seemed to think of something, and suddenly stopped.She glanced at Shen Junhuai uneasily, and found that his entire upper body was lying on his knees, with his head buried, as if he couldn't hold on anymore.Susu had never seen him like this before working non-stop for four or five days. Her uncle seemed to be an iron man and never tired.

Susu probably knew.

She drove the car directly to the corner opposite the school, where she heard that the man had been found dead.

Shen Junhuai did not get out of the car.

He maintained his original posture, telling himself that he would not face death until he got out of the car.

Susu got closer, only to hear Shen Junhuai muttering to himself.

Not like this, not like this.I've been looking for you, I've been waiting for you, I'm not married, I don't have any other lovers, I don't have children and grandchildren, I will live my life without worries, all I want is you.

You wait for me, wait for me, I will come to you.

Qingchen, I beg you, give me a chance to see you again, even once, even for an hour and a minute, I want to tell you, I only love you alone.

The three words I love you are very short, it doesn't take a second, even if you give me a second.

Shen Junhuai never got out of the car.

Fifteen minutes later, the school sent the surveillance video at the gate to his mobile phone.He looked at the people in the video and burst into tears.

On the evening of the 17th, Shen Junhuai went to the police station to claim the body.

From going through the formalities, to cremation, and getting the ashes, Shen Junhuai looked calm and orderly.

He even calmly notified his colleagues and close friends at the school, and held a small but serious farewell ceremony.

At the ceremony, he wore a white suit with a blood-dropping rose in his pocket. Amidst the shocked expressions of all the guests, he introduced calmly and calmly: This is my lover, thank you all today, and come with me to see him off.

Shen Junhuai is still unmarried, and her relationship is a mystery. It was the first time she disclosed her lover in such a shocking way, which shocked everyone.

Everyone didn't know what to say, so they could only persuade him to mourn.

But he obviously looks pretty good.

Only Susu, who was with him the whole time, knew that he was on the verge of his limit.

Finally, he returned home with a black urn in his arms.

In fact, as early as the night he received the letter, he was completely crushed.God made a huge joke on him, and he was powerless to resist.

The last words he said to Susu, after many years, still make Susu cry silently when he thinks about it.

He said: He was too cruel and refused to leave me for a second.

In the afternoon after the farewell ceremony, he dismissed Susu and locked himself in the bedroom on the second floor. Unable to wait for a minute, he put an old M1 on his temple.

……

Shen Junhuai woke up from the dream dripping with sweat, sat up abruptly, panting with difficulty.

He was alone in the room. He shook his head, but he still hadn't escaped from the dream. His heart was beating fast to his throat, and his whole body was heavy.

The bedroom door opened, and Lu Qingchen hurried over with a large cup of hot milk, and touched Shen Junhuai's forehead: "Why are you sweating so much? The fever has subsided."

Shen Junhuai hugged him into his arms, clasped his waist tightly, and let out a long breath.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Lu Qingchen touched his forehead, which was a little wet from sweat, as if coaxing a child, "Don't be afraid, dreams are always reversed."

Shen Junhuai had the same dream again.

He was rarely sick and rarely had a fever.But as long as it burns, he will have nightmares. What's even more bizarre is that the content of the dream is always the same. In the world in the dream, he has never found Lu Qingchen, nor has he lost it.

Shen Junhuai believed that it was not a dream, but another world.

Maybe he was too desperate and resentful, or maybe Lu Qingchen loved him too much, and after hearing his last desperate question of "wouldn't leave me for a second", so finally in the current world, he was willing to give him a The chance of redemption, willing to give him a home.

Qingchen, thank you, you are willing to give me many, many seconds, and you are willing to give me stability in this world.