boy mature

Chapter 21

沉痛

Hula~ The sound of flushing the toilet suddenly sounded in the small bathroom. I couldn't help but glance down when I pressed the toilet flush button just now. The scarlet color was so shocking!

I squatted down and pulled the bangs that were covered with sweat on my forehead, and then I held my breath and opened my ears to listen to the sound outside the bathroom.The TV was turned off by Liang Chi just now, and it was eerily quiet outside.

I couldn't feel any sound, but I still didn't dare to get up.

My whole body is tense, always paying attention to any disturbance outside.

After a moment of silence, there was a slender squeak, I knew that Liang Chi had finally opened the dilapidated door of the hotel, for some reason, he paused for a while, but soon I heard him yelling loudly. With the sound of closing the door, the whole space returned to its previous tranquility, and the suffocating depression just now slowly dissipated.I immediately relaxed.

Liang Chi is gone, we haven't seen each other for a year, he is still so silent, but when facing me, he seems to be more tolerant than before.

I stood up tremblingly, and then opened the nearly transparent bathroom door in front of me. I raised my head and looked out. The empty and narrow room was dimly illuminated by the tiny lights, and the pleated sheets were draped with should It was the clothes Liang Chi picked up for me when he left just now.

His cleanliness remained unchanged.

Looking at those clothes, I felt an indescribable void in my heart, and I looked around the room.

The whole space is filled with a corrupt atmosphere of burnt desire.

Everything just now rushed back into my mind, I thumped the door frame next to me annoyed, then walked to the bed and fell down on the bed suddenly, heavy sleepiness hit me, but I found out It was more than four o'clock in the morning on the mobile phone next to me, and I had already spent the night outside, but everything suddenly seemed like a dream. ． ． ． ． ．

Just when I was about to fall asleep, my cell phone rang suddenly, it was a text message from Liang Chi.

After seeing the content of the text message, I finally lost my last bit of strength and fell into chaos lying on the bed.

One day in 2013, I was drunk at a company party. After refusing to see off my colleagues, I hailed a taxi and got in.

"Go to H University." Before I had time to think, these words popped out of my mouth.

After graduating from university, many students chose to stay away from the city where they had lived for four years. Some went to Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, and some returned to their hometowns to build their homes.And I chose to stay.

It's not that I love this city so much, it's just that in the face of many vague choices, I still chose the least risky choice as always.

A year ago, Liang Chi and his mother returned to their hometown, and we had very little contact after that, until he sent me a text message a few days ago, saying that he had returned to W City.

In fact, for many days after that incident, I have repeatedly reviewed my relationship with Liang Chi.

Although I don't want to admit it, when my mind thinks back to that afternoon, the scene when I saw Liang Chi in the sports room, and even when I think of his scarred face and those dull eyes, My despicable psychology hidden under the mask of affection will be revealed.

I always put on an innocent state, thinking how much I love Liangchi, but when the scene of that day replayed in my mind again and again, it kept tearing me apart and stabbed me awake from the lies I had woven Only then did I suddenly realize that all the previous feelings for Liang Chi were just a vivid display of my perverted possessiveness.

I'm a possessive Hitler in the name of love, I'm a junkie.

I know that this mutated relationship has been foreshadowed since I was very young. I am timid by nature and have no sense of security to the outside world.

And when I was young, Liang Chi, who was not good at words, gave me a kind of achievement that I had never had before. He would silently listen to everything I said, and he would not bully me like other people, and would even stand next to me. protect me.

In the era when children were single-minded, he was like my Crayon Little Novice figurine, which gave me the idea of ​​taking it as my own.

That evil seed quickly germinated in my heart, and then quickly grew into a towering tree. When I wanted to stop, I couldn't control it anymore.

Human desire can destroy everything in this world.

I personally destroyed Liang Chi.

I kept having the same dream over and over again for many days and months afterwards. I dreamed of Liang Chi dripping with blood. He was lying next to me, stroking my face with his mutilated palm. He said, Han Tang, I hate you so much.

I cried and begged him not to hate me, and then he put his hand on my neck, and said in a cold tone, then you go to die!

I thought, you can kill me, as long as you don't hate me.I just let him pinch me, but every time when I was about to suffocate, I would wake up from the fear immediately, and then touch my neck in fear.

Every time, my body and face are wet, I can't help crying, then get up and take a Valium tablet, and finally fall asleep in a daze.

The cowardice deep in my bones was exposed at that moment.

A few hours ago, the taxi stopped at the gate of our school, and I paid the money in a daze, then staggered out of the car, ignoring the taxi driver's kind words of caution, I went straight to the back street of the school.It was already December, and the winter solstice had just passed, and there was already a sharp cold in the air, and I couldn't help shivering.

I raised my head, one year, two years, after all, there is no change here, but there is still a vague feeling that something has changed.

There are still scattered vendors in front of me, and the students who come and go among them, laughing heartlessly, I think, it becomes me, I walk recklessly among them, like a walking dead.

I remembered the scene when I met Liang Chi for the first time in the back street. His slender body was leaning against the electric pole not far away. Like calling my name.

People are very strange. Memories are really like the itching from the scar when the wound is healing. You know you can't touch it, but you can't help scratching it, and your hands are bloody in the end.

I came to the dumpling restaurant in the back street. Liangchi University and I only came here once, but it left a deep impression on me. At that time, he told me that he could not be with me in this life.

I've always been reluctant to talk to him about this kind of thing.

I never want him to embarrass me because of my identity, because even myself, after so many years, I will still be cautious, trembling, and even afraid to say the words "I am gay" cringe.

I am not an open-minded person, and I will always have lingering fears in the face of people's disgusting eyes or deliberately pretended understanding smiles.

However, over the past year, I have also matured a lot. At least, I will pretend to not care when those ignorant people say that homosexuality is disgusting and perverted.

I am living more and more like an actor.

Even I myself began to justify myself as an open-minded person, so when I sat in that dumpling restaurant again, when I recalled Liang Chi’s hesitation at the beginning, I was able to have such an open-minded person. I understand a little bit.

I remembered how I was in the alley of the factory that day, that was the first time I confessed my love to Liang Chi, he politely rejected me as if he was afraid of hurting me.

If the time were to do it all over again, I believe I would still do it.

This year, I often explained to myself in this way, even if it was only out of the desire for monopoly when I was young, it was also a kind of love. In front of love, who has never been a selfish person?

Now that I've come to this point, I hope I can be selfish again.

I took out my mobile phone and dialed Liang Chi's number. The phone beeped and was picked up. Liang Chi didn't feed me, but called out my name directly.

I froze for a moment, as if I was afraid that I would regret it, I hurriedly told him vaguely that I was in the back street of the school.His voice was as calm as usual, answering my two words, waiting.

In less than 10 minutes, he appeared in front of me.

As usual, he stared into a pair of black eyes, panting.

I looked at him drunkenly, and the reunion of countless such scenes made my head heat up, and my whole body became floating.

I wanted to take a closer look at him and see if he had changed this year, but at that moment, my mind was full of clamoring desires, and I rushed towards him like a madman, wishing I could tear him apart and eat him instantly Into the belly.

There was not much communication, as if we had discussed it in advance, we ran outside together.

It was still the same hotel, we ripped each other's clothes off like two ferocious beasts.When we met each other sincerely, I looked at Liang Chi's black pupils, and at that moment, it was like falling into an ice cellar.

Sure enough, it has changed.

His eyes were no longer as stubborn as before, and there was a compromise in them that I had never seen before.

But at this moment, I am like a drug addict, I can't care so much anymore, his thick palms ignited sparks on my body.I wanted to shout, but my throat seemed to be suppressed by something, and I couldn't make any sound.

Even though we don't have much experience, it's ridiculous that our cooperation has never been a tacit understanding.

Our hot bodies blend together without much emotion, but they continue to heat up, as if they want to melt people instantly. When he entered my body, I almost cried, but I endured it. Over the past year, I There is more stubbornness in my heart, it is like an alarm bell that keeps beating on my increasingly numb nerves, reminding me all the time, Han Tang, you can no longer cry casually, at least, you can no longer cry with this man. crying in front of me.

Liang Chi's scalding sweat dripped down my body like a stream of fire, making me want to stop. I raised my head and couldn't help letting out a soft sigh from my throat.

Over the past year, he has matured, and his back has grown a lot. I heard that he worked as an accountant in the factory in our town. When I first heard the news, I couldn't help but feel sad. The boy I once wanted to get has finally grown up, but he has finally returned to mediocrity, becoming an ordinary person in this world.

I suddenly remembered the encounter when I was ten years old. He was wearing a blue down jacket and standing in the snow. His whole body was spotless, his hair was black and shiny, his skin was fair, and his eyes had a stubbornness that ordinary people did not have. I thought he was an angel left by God on earth.

Especially his silence and protection of me later made me mistakenly think that he was sent by God to me.

A stabbing pain made me wake up from the memory. I looked at Han Tang in front of me. He stared at me with black eyes, as if punishing my distraction. His strength was deliberately amplified a lot.

I groaned softly and wrapped my arms around him. I could feel his fuller muscles rubbing against my body with sweat. The smell of hormones in the room made me even more uncontrollable.At the last moment, when Liang Chi's sweaty head lay on my shoulder, I looked at his short black hair that was sticky with sweat, and my eyes still couldn't help but sore.

After Liang Chi left for a few minutes, in the dim room, the temperature that had been raised by desire dropped rapidly, even a few points lower than usual.

I was lying on the bed with my mobile phone, like a body whose soul had been drained, and I even forgot to blink my eyes.

The fluorescence of the mobile phone in my hand gradually faded, and there was a text message that had been read on it, which read: I will get married after the next year.The contact person was Liang Chi's name.